(no subject)
Character: Ryan Evans
Series: High School Musical
Character Age: 17 (taken from after the second movie)
Canon: Disney's inexplicably popular High School Musical is the somewhat incoherent story of a basketball star and a science nerd who just want to be in a musical. The even more incoherent sequel continues their story, but with less being in a musical and more being at a country club. But who cares if it's more incoherent, it also has more Ryan Evans.
In a world populated only by basic stereotypes, Ryan is the gay one. Okay, that's not fair. Ryan is the one who loves musical theater, hangs out only with his sister, and painstakingly coordinates his jaunty hats with his pastel slacks. Make of that what you will. Ryan and his sister are the antagonists of the first movie, in as much as anyone trying to keep Zac Efron from singing can really be in the wrong. In the second movie, however, his role is expanded--instead of just being his sister's dim-witted sidekick, Ryan allies himself with his fellow students and becomes their dance teacher and friend. In both films, Ryan is shown to be something of a follower, someone who likes attention and usually gets it from his twin. He gains some degree of independence and backbone, however, and shows himself to be fully capable of plotting and scheming on his own. It's almost like he's a multi-dimensional human being.
When he's not being a snarky, fabulous thespian, Ryan enjoys yoga, dancing, and homoerotic baseball games that end with him switching clothes with another guy. As one does.
All right, great job, gorillas! Gronk, your foxtrot is really improving. Give yourself a pat on the back. Now, zombies, it's your turn. The scene: Brian, a normal human boy, has found himself in the middle of a deserted summer camp, full of the undead. You guys are on backup. And a five, six, seven, eight!
Ooooooh~
Used to be afraid,
Of zombies and of ghosts,
Never would have stayed,
Thought you were bad ho-oosts~
But now that I came here,
Now the terror wanes
I'm free of all my fear
You just want me for my braaaaaaaaains~~~
Cuz I'm at zombie caaamp
(At camp, at camp)
Ready to get busy
(Biz-ay, biz)--
Stop, stop! You guys could learn a thing or two from the gorillas. What was that? Mwaar, backup only works if you're in a key humans can hear. And that dance? It's a jazz square, not a jazz...seizure! And you, Graugh, you were supposed to come in on "camp"--you completely left me hanging! You're lucky my sister talked her way out of helping out, because I don't know what she'd do to you if she saw this.
Look, I know not everyone is lucky enough to have starred in seventeen school productions, but we open in a week, and we need to be ready. Go practice on your own--I want to see you waltzing with the gorillas flawlessly before dinner. Anyone who does gets an extra helping of the soup. In fact, anyone who does can have my helping. No, no, don't thank me. Just dance. I know you can.
All right, Ryan, you can do this. They're trying very hard, they're very enthusiastic. And it's for the college applications. Colleges want to see well-balanced, civic-minded young men who serve the community. Just because the community is called Camp Eff You Die and it's already been suspended once doesn't mean that Juilliard won't see you for the selfless human being you are. And the fact that you're working with very convincing undead? They have to realize the kind of sacrifice that is. As if the hygienic concerns of being in a swamp weren't bad enough, now I have to worry about getting greasy make up on me. I can't afford to break out right now.
Right, find your center. Deep breaths. Remember the benefits. There's a hot spring here. And a nice hotel. I don't have to stay in a drafty cabin. Maybe I'm being punk'd, and Ashton will show up! And even if I'm not, mother would never send me anywhere where I wasn't completely safe. I'm sure she found the classiest undead-musical-themed camp in all of Louisiana. She wants nothing but the best for me.
--Yes, what is it, Graugh? I told you I need privacy for my yoga. Oh, you're ready to try again! Then let's take it from the top. A five, six, sev--wait, wait, Mwaar, you need to kick your leg out for the beginning conga. Just kick it right--oh god. Did you just kick it off? Are you lepers too?
I. I think I'm getting the vapors.
Voting post goes here.