Do something already, gah...
I feel like crap. Like bloated and failed crap. And I know why; I haven't been kind to myself. Though I parked further away than I could have and hoofed it a couple blocks, I still ate a piece of cheesecake and some chocolate-y things. I've definitely done more during-the-week drinking than previously and sporadically find my brain falling out at times. I'm stuck in this whirlwind of TRYING to be healthier, but realizing that life? Just kinda sucks right now.
I'm giving myself this week to figure out what I want to do. There's more hours at work, a new schedule at the gym, and classes that need to be jump started. I need to make commitments and stick to them.
The other day, I put the treadmill back down to zero after my partner jacked it up to the point of no return. So it's flat now. Easy for me to use. Then I make excuses that I can't get our TiVo up there and have absolutely no interest in TV anymore (this started when grad school did, so it's not a new thing). I feel as though I need to finangle something that would help me want to run again.
I know I've gained some weight back, but considering what I've gone through the past week, I think it's amazing I didn't just fall over in a diabetic coma. I did park further away, I pushed my father in a wheelchair, I kept taking the stairs at school. I know logically that these small adjustments are what makes up for big differences. But at night, I just want to curl up with a bottle of wine and a bag of M&Ms and call it a night.
I know I used to be way more balanced, that ridiculousness wouldn't wear me out so deeply. But I think I've been burning the candle so heavy with such heavy things that I haven't fully recovered.
Check in is Sunday. I picked up more hours and need to do a lot of homework before then. I think my next idea is going to be to work on cleaning out the fridge of whatever is salvageable, even if it is Chinese food. Then we can start fresh. I make these haphazard plans during class when I'm not paying attention; I need to start putting my body when my brain is. So two days before check-in: I'm going to work on homework and the fridge tomorrow, then make sure that my friend and I share a salad tomorrow night before we drink all the wine. Saturday, I'm going to attempt to wake up for an early spin class, come home, shower, then work 13.5 hours.
I need to find the balance again. I'm used to a full life. I've worked swing shift before. And the damned thing about all of this is that I DO know what the hell I should be doing...
... I just need to DO it.
I'm giving myself this week to figure out what I want to do. There's more hours at work, a new schedule at the gym, and classes that need to be jump started. I need to make commitments and stick to them.
The other day, I put the treadmill back down to zero after my partner jacked it up to the point of no return. So it's flat now. Easy for me to use. Then I make excuses that I can't get our TiVo up there and have absolutely no interest in TV anymore (this started when grad school did, so it's not a new thing). I feel as though I need to finangle something that would help me want to run again.
I know I've gained some weight back, but considering what I've gone through the past week, I think it's amazing I didn't just fall over in a diabetic coma. I did park further away, I pushed my father in a wheelchair, I kept taking the stairs at school. I know logically that these small adjustments are what makes up for big differences. But at night, I just want to curl up with a bottle of wine and a bag of M&Ms and call it a night.
I know I used to be way more balanced, that ridiculousness wouldn't wear me out so deeply. But I think I've been burning the candle so heavy with such heavy things that I haven't fully recovered.
Check in is Sunday. I picked up more hours and need to do a lot of homework before then. I think my next idea is going to be to work on cleaning out the fridge of whatever is salvageable, even if it is Chinese food. Then we can start fresh. I make these haphazard plans during class when I'm not paying attention; I need to start putting my body when my brain is. So two days before check-in: I'm going to work on homework and the fridge tomorrow, then make sure that my friend and I share a salad tomorrow night before we drink all the wine. Saturday, I'm going to attempt to wake up for an early spin class, come home, shower, then work 13.5 hours.
I need to find the balance again. I'm used to a full life. I've worked swing shift before. And the damned thing about all of this is that I DO know what the hell I should be doing...
... I just need to DO it.