The liars in my life are also my friends.
I hate this website, mostly for what I'm about to do... Write about shit no one gives a damn about.
I hate myself, always have. but that's not what i'm here to discuss. hence the title.
See recently it came to light that people that I thought were my friends have actually been lying to my face the past several months. Stupid me just didn't realize it. Mostly because i have had more important things to worry about.
and what hurts most about that. is that i was genuinely their friend. silly me.
honestly this is centered around one person, but it can partially apply to several people, just not exactly sure about a few others yet.
soooo..... why say this here. sort of an announcement, sort of me just being stupid.
i have a problem talking to others about my problems, (clearly defined as things that cause me stress and worry) but i am there for others to talk to. and i did just that for this person in the last year or so when they needed someone to talk to. i offered my services as a friend should in whatever this person might need help with. turns out this person would not reciprocate. in fact they conspired to hurt me in such a way that i could not forgive. involves a wedge, me, and my love, nicole, you figure out the rest.
instead of coming to my defense they decided it would be better to hurt me. i understand their friends with nicole and thought perhaps they had to choose between our friendships. but hey being friends with both of us, don't you think you'd try to see both sides and help us both. nah, you didn't, because as i found out your not really my friend.
and actually i'm ok with that believe it or not. a few years ago some friends and i parted in some painful ways. i've learned to deal with the loss of friends. this way was just a lot more painful.
but... maybe i'm wrong here. maybe you are my friend still and i've misunderstood some recent things. the way you act around me and talk to me (actually lack there of) is what has solidified this idea. i'm willing to accept that something else might be the case and that i'm wrong.
but i doubt it.
so what the hell is going on? well, try as i might no one seems to understand me. which is both a good and a bad thing. because i am a VERY private person. not a private as Doc (who can't admit his birthday in in December) but i also don't like my life smeared out on the street, or the internet (HA!) for the world to see. as i've said before i used to have an online presence, and boy howdy did it get destroyed by something very much public. Fortunately my private life wasn't affected permanently. it did cost me my girlfriend at that time (thank god!) and then shortly thereafter the friends i referenced earlier. but as i said i dealt with it... and believe it or not i'm much happier now because it happened.
so then why this. ehh, why not. it's here. and the way i wrote this is so obtuse i know there will be at least 3 people thinking i'm referring to them, and a couple i might actually. but the one person i am referring to... won't know, at first anyway.
Nicole and i are working towards improving our relationship, something i've been wanting to do for more than a year now. YEAH STUPID! you read that right! and if anyone wants to help us, stay out of our business. honestly it's the best thing you can do to help.
oh and Dave... it's not you. your actually the only real friend i have and i need to thank you for that.
I hate myself, always have. but that's not what i'm here to discuss. hence the title.
See recently it came to light that people that I thought were my friends have actually been lying to my face the past several months. Stupid me just didn't realize it. Mostly because i have had more important things to worry about.
and what hurts most about that. is that i was genuinely their friend. silly me.
honestly this is centered around one person, but it can partially apply to several people, just not exactly sure about a few others yet.
soooo..... why say this here. sort of an announcement, sort of me just being stupid.
i have a problem talking to others about my problems, (clearly defined as things that cause me stress and worry) but i am there for others to talk to. and i did just that for this person in the last year or so when they needed someone to talk to. i offered my services as a friend should in whatever this person might need help with. turns out this person would not reciprocate. in fact they conspired to hurt me in such a way that i could not forgive. involves a wedge, me, and my love, nicole, you figure out the rest.
instead of coming to my defense they decided it would be better to hurt me. i understand their friends with nicole and thought perhaps they had to choose between our friendships. but hey being friends with both of us, don't you think you'd try to see both sides and help us both. nah, you didn't, because as i found out your not really my friend.
and actually i'm ok with that believe it or not. a few years ago some friends and i parted in some painful ways. i've learned to deal with the loss of friends. this way was just a lot more painful.
but... maybe i'm wrong here. maybe you are my friend still and i've misunderstood some recent things. the way you act around me and talk to me (actually lack there of) is what has solidified this idea. i'm willing to accept that something else might be the case and that i'm wrong.
but i doubt it.
so what the hell is going on? well, try as i might no one seems to understand me. which is both a good and a bad thing. because i am a VERY private person. not a private as Doc (who can't admit his birthday in in December) but i also don't like my life smeared out on the street, or the internet (HA!) for the world to see. as i've said before i used to have an online presence, and boy howdy did it get destroyed by something very much public. Fortunately my private life wasn't affected permanently. it did cost me my girlfriend at that time (thank god!) and then shortly thereafter the friends i referenced earlier. but as i said i dealt with it... and believe it or not i'm much happier now because it happened.
so then why this. ehh, why not. it's here. and the way i wrote this is so obtuse i know there will be at least 3 people thinking i'm referring to them, and a couple i might actually. but the one person i am referring to... won't know, at first anyway.
Nicole and i are working towards improving our relationship, something i've been wanting to do for more than a year now. YEAH STUPID! you read that right! and if anyone wants to help us, stay out of our business. honestly it's the best thing you can do to help.
oh and Dave... it's not you. your actually the only real friend i have and i need to thank you for that.