I can be strong...
Been a while since I posted. Had a weak moment on vacation where I was engaged in texting with my ex back and forth. She and I were going to meet for a hookup but at the last minute (literally) I backed out. I backed out because I didn't want to be that guy that gets involved with cheap unemotional hookups. I can't have sex without emotion anymore. It all is emotionally driven. She didn't understand why I backed out. I think she was pretty upset but I was pretty honest. I don't want to have those kind of memories of her. I want them to be more pure. To be quite honest it would have been really more damaging to me. It made me feel stronger and my head actually is in a better place because of it now. I am starting t feel alive and more clear on my decisions.
I have started to use a little more lately. I think it has halped and hindered. I have to cut back because of the cost and emotional stress. Sometimes I am a mess. Bought a new bike yesterday and rode for a few hours last night with my girlfriend. My ass hurts today a bit. I probably haven't rode a bike in 5 years. Felt good.
My relationship with the girlfriend is a little more promising after I left everything out on the table. I vented during vacation and told her what my expectations are. She understood. Maybe I am just a shitty communicator in relationships.
I have started to use a little more lately. I think it has halped and hindered. I have to cut back because of the cost and emotional stress. Sometimes I am a mess. Bought a new bike yesterday and rode for a few hours last night with my girlfriend. My ass hurts today a bit. I probably haven't rode a bike in 5 years. Felt good.
My relationship with the girlfriend is a little more promising after I left everything out on the table. I vented during vacation and told her what my expectations are. She understood. Maybe I am just a shitty communicator in relationships.