(no subject)
yea so i think i am definatly done with boys for a long time and this time i mean it. its like i cant even fucking stand to be around them anymore. i really just need some time to myself in order to get my head straight. so much has happened so fast. and it just seems like every guy i go for is the same so anyways. so i had a messed up weekend and any even more messed up night last night and then i got to thinking maybe i put myself in these positions. maybe i lead these assholes on. but for once i didnt do anything wrong. i didnt even talk to the kid and he is fucking confessing he likes me so i think i am just DONE! for a long time i really want to be with someone but right now it would only be for the wrong reason. i need to figure out who i am first. i am not even upset about what happened. is it wrong that i just dont care anymore??? i just let these guys walk all over me and if anything starts to happen i push them away and i think i figured it out. i am not fully over jason. i mean i just keep compairing all these guys to him but in the end no one is like him. no one is gona treat me like he did. am i gonna spend the rest of my life searching for a guy that doesnt exist?? i just think the best thing is for me to not search at all because right now i need to figure out who i am!! its pretty sad that at 18 years old i cant even figure out who the real me is anymore. i used to know and i was comfortable with myself but now that jason is go just so much fucked up shit has happened. but i know if we got back together right now it would be for the wrong reason i just really need to find me first.. will that ever happen???