The Irony of the title of my blog......
I named this blog this years ago as my ramblings seem to be more the stuff of the black box recorder from a plane wreck then anything else. well now the title seems appropriate.... the story so far......
HOW IT STARTED.......
Some months ago i started noticing reading and so on got a bit more difficult, as my perscription was kinda old i though new lenses were in order so off i went and got a new glasses... With the new glasses came no real improvment, im and the vision in my left eye became worse but only when i tried to read. so couple months ago i got new reading glasses... It just never seemed to get better and and anóying so i finally had a free day to goto a proper eye doctor... Im blind in my right eye already and feared the vision in the left was in danger but after the eye exam was relieved to find the eye itself is quite good but the 2 things it might be were either a small blood clot or something pressing on the optic nerve or a sympathetic response from the left eye to the right eye, which i know one day will happen. so with that i headed off for a gig with FTB and some TV work here and then after all that id go to have a MRI (MRT for my deutsch friends)....
Monday the 21st.... Nice and early i arrived to have the MRI, i have no pain or discomfort so im thinking the MRI is just a formality and one more test and out with the eye better visin and a gorry party trick...eyeball in drinks always gets a laugh dont it? MRI done and the people say i need to speak with the neurologist next door and the MRI revealed something big... 3 cm shaped like an hourglass... think rubber golfball with rubber band round the middle. Have to wait 2 hours for meeting wiht the doc so Ca and i go have coffee and discuss life... 2 hours later no waiting im told the news.... I have benign tumor living near my pituitary gland ,Optic nerve and its kinda stuck between 2 regeions in a hole between 2 cavities... hence the hour glass shape... Im told to goto the Uni Klinic here in Cologne like now and that they will have to operate.. so a stop home which i really havent been at for 3 or 4 months other then to sleep or do laundry to grab toothpaste and underpants and off i go.
TEST ,WAIT, TORTURE ,REPEATE
So im at the hospital and nothing hours and hours of nothing other then some bullshit about cheking in and accepting my insurance. with all that settled im take to my room which will be pre op. Meet roomie Phillipo a very nice sisilian kid who makes life bearable and is really positive about me and the situation.. the days follow with test after test gallon or liters i should say of blood taken... eyes tested evaluations galore and i fially talk with the Surgeon that is going to go inside and take away the badness. he informs me of where the thng is and all the options that there nomally are and the only option i get... situtionwas thus... there are 2 portions and 2 possible ways to get to the tumor relitivly safely...
1. Over the eye and through the Skull and a relitivly clear shot at the top portion
Positives - done more often with better sucsess and damage to other parts of the brain
Negs - cant get to the bottom portion of the tumor
2. Radiation therapy . not really an option as its to close (pressing on the optic nerve)
3. Go through the nasel cavity and remove the bottom of the tumor and hope that the top past falls down. All the possible situations are spelled out as best they can be and it is desided this really is the only option.
the rest of the week is spent waiting testing and im told friday is the day
FRIDAY the 24th (happy Bday David btw)
Fiday comes and goes... wake up drugged nicly shipped off to the OR.. 4 hours later i have a new nose and ican see and everything is working, im told then the surgery looks like it was a complete sucsess. im shipped off to nightmare ICU to recover and be tortured at the same time. it was not fun , not that i expected it to be "fun" but being woken up ever 15 minutes not be able to breath right due to my nose. and when i close my eye... not sleep just closes my eyes the most vivd visions and some not very pretty. and to have a man next to me on 1000000 types of life support and get to hear the sounds of cleaning open wounds and .... well you get the picture, was not the ideal place to recover.
Ahhh Monday
Will all seemingly going well and i feel amzingly good im back in the regular room with a new romie...they dont have private rooms here i guess. this old fart is a real winner so now i gott be ultra quite no one to talk to and he pray like every 10 minutes then puts on his pants and shoes over his PJ#s and goes out front to have a smoke...chest pains really????? no shit????
For me i can see really well everyones happy and i think ive won....
NOT SO SILVER LINING
So yesterday comes shit sleep again as i cant shake these visions im having, i mark it up to the injection of all kinds of new hormones now that the pituitary gland can function properly again and im on an IV 24/7 still cant breath very well through my nose but that should get better with the healing of the nose and when the swelling goes down... the day goes by and about 4 pm the surgen stops in to see how im doing.... oh and to drop a bomb
"Im sorry we didnt get it all, we thought we did but with the MRI you had today there still "a significant portion" still there and we cant leave it like this" we will do the surgery sometime next week when you are fully recovered from the first surgery."
So happy time is officially over and its back to square 1 sort of. Im not gonna lie , im scaed shitless, i make jokes all the time and ive come to terms with it all but it dosent eliminate the fear... the what ifs... im not so much worried about me per say but those around me, the ones that care, my part is easy i get to lay there and be un consious while my doc does his thing they gotta wait wonder hope pray do what ever it is for how ever long... i just have to wake up and find out the results, Im hopeful it all goes well, the staff here are tops in this kinda shit and they did it before so not so worried about that... just the unseen not knowing things that the hard part.
Today
so there ya have it ive spent today thinking and typing and trying to make sure what i have built here will survive maybe a month of me not working. maybe more hopefully less, I miss freedom... im tied to a stick on wheels with a bottle attached to it. my world has be come this bed a small hall way and visits from friends. I like that they come but i hate that its me they come for, they have lives and things to do, im really touched and it makes me stronger that i know they care.
I do get to go home today for an hour or so to grab some paperwork stuff and afew things i need here, i so just wanna be home for a while.. play music. do nothing ....do anything... i love being on the road but i love my little nest too, its been to long.
I have internet obviously so send away e mails or what ever via here my space or my e mail account jaymo@twistedwreckage.com or call my cell, voice mail is on if im busy have blood taken or what ever.
ill keep you all posted here on current situation
Love and Lights
Jay
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