(no subject)
sometimes i wanna ask my mom permission if i can kill myself, she'd have to say okay for me to do it, but obviously i wouldn't even ask her because even if there was a more than 0% chance she'd say yes, just asking her would disapoint her and make her feel like she wasted her life raising me for nothing. just being bored seems a legit-enough reason, theres nothing to do in life. nothing excites me. i miss being on tour, doing SOMETHING, doing ANYTHING, i can't express how much i feel like i'm just wasting so much damn time. i find myself always running, never walking, i just can not fucking stand the feeling of wasting time, but theres nothing to do, nothing to work towards.