My first kiss went a little like this... And twist.
Day Two: My First Love
Alright, I swear I have not forgot about this on the second day! Though admittedly I almost did... I've been terribly distracted with Kingdom Hearts all day. A friend told me a little bit about Terra's story and it got me excited, so I kicked Aqua's ass to the curb and started on a new story! Anyways, off to my topic for today!
My first love... This subject is a little difficult and painful for me to think about, not because of any heartaches or loss, but simply because I have been left wanting. I can remember having some school-girl crushes way back in the day. In elementary school there was a boy named Daniel; I had to have been in grade one, but I can remember this one day with him when we were outside and playing in the snow. There were a lot of hills at my school and Daniel and I were running up the hills... Of course when you're younger, the snow falls always seemed to be so much more drastic and epic than they are now, mostly because we grow just a little bit taller. The memory is faint, but I know it's there: he grabbed my hand and helped me run up the hill. We were laughing and our faces were red from cold and glee as we marched back into the classroom and told the story to the French Teacher when she came in to teach us that day. He was the first boy that I can ever remember having any sort of affection for. I switched schools the year after that and I met up with him in high school... I remember sitting in my math class and thinking that I had recognized and seen quite a large number of people that I went to elementary school with in those couple of years, but I had yet to meet up with Daniel. I was drifting off and, of course, not paying attention to my math problems, and wondering what had happened to him... when I turned around and looked at the guy sitting in the back of the class whose name was Dan. : ) I was glad that I found him again. We were never really that close in high school, but we were always pretty friendly. He was the first boy that I ever liked.
There were a NUMBER of boys at school that I had a few crushes on, but I would have to say the one that sticks the most out to me would be a one Mister Christopher Ellul. He was a friend of a friend... I went to high school with a girl name Jayne. I was never really all that fond of her, but we ran in the same circle of friends. Jayne and Chris were both on the same swim team and she had invited him to come see a movie with us. Why? I can't remember. The best guess I could give you is that he was intended to be a date for my OTHER friend, Yvanna, but I really couldn't tell you. I can remember watching him walking around the movie theatres. I knew we were going to be meeting up with some guy I didn't know and I remember wondering if it was him... But I also did that for probably three other guys. Chris and Yvanna dated for a little bit, but the relationship didn't last, but again, for some reason, Chris and I stayed in touch. He was at my birthday parties a few times and I can remember him being just... around. I don't know exactly how or when Chris and I became close friends, but he ended up being my best friend for a very long time. We found out that we had a mutual dislike for Jayne, which we had always found to be amusing, since she was the reason that we met in the first place. Chris was cute. When I met him he looked exactly like Frodo from Lord of the Rings and I can remember being absolutely in love with the fact that he was a bit of a geek. He could make me laugh... He had a million voices in his head and did so many impressions that even I used to get lost in the sea of them, but I loved it just the same. We would sit for hours inside of Tim Hortons, talking about whatever came up, jump on his trampoline until it got dark, then lie on it and stare at the stars until both of our minds practically exploded from trying to think about how vast the world is and what else is out there and how small and insignificant we are inside of it. I remember we once went tobogganing together. The hill was huge and treacherous, but we held each others hands because we wanted to see how long we could last like that on the crazy carpets we were going down on. I ended up letting go and crashing on an ice mound and hurting my head and he felt pretty bad about it, though I was far from mad. I had got to hold his hand. I had never wanted that moment to stop.
He and I were driving in my car this one day and he started to tell me about how he sometimes liked to sing. This wasn't a secret. I knew that he did sing and I had an idea that he COULD sing rather well, though he never showed me. He had never shown anyone because he was too... shy? Afraid? Embarrassed? Whatever the reason is, I can't remember, but he had never done it before. That day he made me a promise that the would sing to me. I rolled my eyes at him, not really believing that he would remember this, so I dropped him off at home and said goodnight. Just a few months later, Chris and I were at prom. I had asked him to be my date and he said he would go with me, which, at the time, had made me quite happy again. He let me go off and talk with friends, he sat and chatted up the guys at the table and every time I would come back to him for a slow song, he would get up to dance with me. He complained that I was too short and insisted I worse my shoes that I had kicked off every time we danced, he accused me of leading, which I was... It was my first time that I really got to dance with a guy like that. I recently danced with my uncle at a wedding and he accused me of doing it again... It had been so long that I forgot :P When we were dancing, 'The Reason' by Hoobastank was playing and he leaned down and started to sing to me. I died a little bit... Later that summer I ran into him at Canada's Wonderland and that song was playing on the speakers while we were waiting in line and he turned to me and smiled, saying that it was our song.
We lost contact while I was away at school... It broke my heart. I took that very hard. But him, like everyone else that I have ever lost contact with, I came to terms with the loss of the relationship and accepted it. We've gradually been getting that relationship back on track... Slowly. I've seen him a few times this summer and I think it's going to continue through this year, now that I'm home more. We're still very close... He will tell people that I'm one of his oldest friends and that I rate up there with 'Nick' - who I know is his best friend. It surprises me, but I don't deny it. Even as I'm writing this now I want to text him to see when we can hang out next...
I love Chris. My feelings for him were never requited during those years that we were very close... He knew very well how I felt. When I'm with him now, I can still feel it. I can feel why I was so star-struck over him, but I'm not in love with him. I've had feelings for someone else since him, which I thought could have been love... I think it's the closest thing that I've ever felt to it, but I was told that what I was feeling wasn't love. Not in the way that I had thought.. So, I really have never been in love. Judging from what I've felt, it has to be the most intense feelings that I've ever experienced... And I've only had a taste. Maybe someday... <3
Alright, I swear I have not forgot about this on the second day! Though admittedly I almost did... I've been terribly distracted with Kingdom Hearts all day. A friend told me a little bit about Terra's story and it got me excited, so I kicked Aqua's ass to the curb and started on a new story! Anyways, off to my topic for today!
My first love... This subject is a little difficult and painful for me to think about, not because of any heartaches or loss, but simply because I have been left wanting. I can remember having some school-girl crushes way back in the day. In elementary school there was a boy named Daniel; I had to have been in grade one, but I can remember this one day with him when we were outside and playing in the snow. There were a lot of hills at my school and Daniel and I were running up the hills... Of course when you're younger, the snow falls always seemed to be so much more drastic and epic than they are now, mostly because we grow just a little bit taller. The memory is faint, but I know it's there: he grabbed my hand and helped me run up the hill. We were laughing and our faces were red from cold and glee as we marched back into the classroom and told the story to the French Teacher when she came in to teach us that day. He was the first boy that I can ever remember having any sort of affection for. I switched schools the year after that and I met up with him in high school... I remember sitting in my math class and thinking that I had recognized and seen quite a large number of people that I went to elementary school with in those couple of years, but I had yet to meet up with Daniel. I was drifting off and, of course, not paying attention to my math problems, and wondering what had happened to him... when I turned around and looked at the guy sitting in the back of the class whose name was Dan. : ) I was glad that I found him again. We were never really that close in high school, but we were always pretty friendly. He was the first boy that I ever liked.
There were a NUMBER of boys at school that I had a few crushes on, but I would have to say the one that sticks the most out to me would be a one Mister Christopher Ellul. He was a friend of a friend... I went to high school with a girl name Jayne. I was never really all that fond of her, but we ran in the same circle of friends. Jayne and Chris were both on the same swim team and she had invited him to come see a movie with us. Why? I can't remember. The best guess I could give you is that he was intended to be a date for my OTHER friend, Yvanna, but I really couldn't tell you. I can remember watching him walking around the movie theatres. I knew we were going to be meeting up with some guy I didn't know and I remember wondering if it was him... But I also did that for probably three other guys. Chris and Yvanna dated for a little bit, but the relationship didn't last, but again, for some reason, Chris and I stayed in touch. He was at my birthday parties a few times and I can remember him being just... around. I don't know exactly how or when Chris and I became close friends, but he ended up being my best friend for a very long time. We found out that we had a mutual dislike for Jayne, which we had always found to be amusing, since she was the reason that we met in the first place. Chris was cute. When I met him he looked exactly like Frodo from Lord of the Rings and I can remember being absolutely in love with the fact that he was a bit of a geek. He could make me laugh... He had a million voices in his head and did so many impressions that even I used to get lost in the sea of them, but I loved it just the same. We would sit for hours inside of Tim Hortons, talking about whatever came up, jump on his trampoline until it got dark, then lie on it and stare at the stars until both of our minds practically exploded from trying to think about how vast the world is and what else is out there and how small and insignificant we are inside of it. I remember we once went tobogganing together. The hill was huge and treacherous, but we held each others hands because we wanted to see how long we could last like that on the crazy carpets we were going down on. I ended up letting go and crashing on an ice mound and hurting my head and he felt pretty bad about it, though I was far from mad. I had got to hold his hand. I had never wanted that moment to stop.
He and I were driving in my car this one day and he started to tell me about how he sometimes liked to sing. This wasn't a secret. I knew that he did sing and I had an idea that he COULD sing rather well, though he never showed me. He had never shown anyone because he was too... shy? Afraid? Embarrassed? Whatever the reason is, I can't remember, but he had never done it before. That day he made me a promise that the would sing to me. I rolled my eyes at him, not really believing that he would remember this, so I dropped him off at home and said goodnight. Just a few months later, Chris and I were at prom. I had asked him to be my date and he said he would go with me, which, at the time, had made me quite happy again. He let me go off and talk with friends, he sat and chatted up the guys at the table and every time I would come back to him for a slow song, he would get up to dance with me. He complained that I was too short and insisted I worse my shoes that I had kicked off every time we danced, he accused me of leading, which I was... It was my first time that I really got to dance with a guy like that. I recently danced with my uncle at a wedding and he accused me of doing it again... It had been so long that I forgot :P When we were dancing, 'The Reason' by Hoobastank was playing and he leaned down and started to sing to me. I died a little bit... Later that summer I ran into him at Canada's Wonderland and that song was playing on the speakers while we were waiting in line and he turned to me and smiled, saying that it was our song.
We lost contact while I was away at school... It broke my heart. I took that very hard. But him, like everyone else that I have ever lost contact with, I came to terms with the loss of the relationship and accepted it. We've gradually been getting that relationship back on track... Slowly. I've seen him a few times this summer and I think it's going to continue through this year, now that I'm home more. We're still very close... He will tell people that I'm one of his oldest friends and that I rate up there with 'Nick' - who I know is his best friend. It surprises me, but I don't deny it. Even as I'm writing this now I want to text him to see when we can hang out next...
I love Chris. My feelings for him were never requited during those years that we were very close... He knew very well how I felt. When I'm with him now, I can still feel it. I can feel why I was so star-struck over him, but I'm not in love with him. I've had feelings for someone else since him, which I thought could have been love... I think it's the closest thing that I've ever felt to it, but I was told that what I was feeling wasn't love. Not in the way that I had thought.. So, I really have never been in love. Judging from what I've felt, it has to be the most intense feelings that I've ever experienced... And I've only had a taste. Maybe someday... <3