Enhanced with minerals for a Pure, Fresh Taste
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I'm in pain. Seriously. My penis feels like its about to explode. I dont know whats wrong. I have this weird feeling, like I have to pee, but i've gone to the bathroom a million times today and I cant even muster a squirt. However, I do believe I know what the problem is:
I need to ejaculate.
Straight up, I haven't whacked the good stuff in forever. College makes it difficult. I can imagine my sperm in a struggle for life...
hmm...
I shall call it "Sperm Wars". (cue John Williams orchestra). Similar to the death star, my seamen are fighing their way through my urethra, anxiously awaiting me to fall asleep in order to initiate Operation "Wet Dream".
See what happens when im deprived of action? I start to lose the oxygen in my head.
Football season has started. So now I have a legit excuse for not having a girlfriend. What girl would put up with a screaming lunatic who sits on his ass and eats whatever is in front of him,
the perfect girl, of course! GO EAGLES!!!
I decided on my profession,
porno star?
squirrel?
professional wrestler?
nope,
I'm gonna be a superhero. Just think of the possiblities:
-I'd be able to fly around and shit.
-I could use my invisibility cloak and sneak in on the girls soccer team showering.
-I would have incredibly good looks.
-I could become black and have free usage of the word nigger.
-I could swim to the bottom of the ocean and kick it with Ariel.
-I could transform into a dildo during a crazy sleepover.....ok, a really crazy sleepover.
-I could become a power ranger.
and seriously, who doesnt want to be a power ranger?
i call red.
I'm in pain. Seriously. My penis feels like its about to explode. I dont know whats wrong. I have this weird feeling, like I have to pee, but i've gone to the bathroom a million times today and I cant even muster a squirt. However, I do believe I know what the problem is:
I need to ejaculate.
Straight up, I haven't whacked the good stuff in forever. College makes it difficult. I can imagine my sperm in a struggle for life...
hmm...
I shall call it "Sperm Wars". (cue John Williams orchestra). Similar to the death star, my seamen are fighing their way through my urethra, anxiously awaiting me to fall asleep in order to initiate Operation "Wet Dream".
See what happens when im deprived of action? I start to lose the oxygen in my head.
Football season has started. So now I have a legit excuse for not having a girlfriend. What girl would put up with a screaming lunatic who sits on his ass and eats whatever is in front of him,
the perfect girl, of course! GO EAGLES!!!
I decided on my profession,
porno star?
squirrel?
professional wrestler?
nope,
I'm gonna be a superhero. Just think of the possiblities:
-I'd be able to fly around and shit.
-I could use my invisibility cloak and sneak in on the girls soccer team showering.
-I would have incredibly good looks.
-I could become black and have free usage of the word nigger.
-I could swim to the bottom of the ocean and kick it with Ariel.
-I could transform into a dildo during a crazy sleepover.....ok, a really crazy sleepover.
-I could become a power ranger.
and seriously, who doesnt want to be a power ranger?
i call red.