A new door has opened...TBI
I was wrong about what Mom said about the state rep calling. She didn't speak to him. And, it wasn't Fri. he was supposed to call. Mom spoke to a secretary or whatever. So did i the day I stopped by that office. What Mom said or did differently than what I said or did must've worked since the lady actually seemed to listen to her and I'm supposed to get a phone call from him sometime. I'm not holding my breath....
I had my first day of Autism Spectrum Disorders training today. And, it's opened up a new door for me in a round about way.
I really wasn't looking forward to this training, but it's been cool. I asked the 2 presenters 2 questions. Seeing as it seems to be a brain thing, (forget the term i want to use at the moment), I asked the one presenter if she knows if there has been any research into handed-ness and the ASD. It seemed to me from what we were presented (the specifics, i can't recall), i think there was something about the 2 brain hemispheres, that there could be a correlation between left/right handedness somehow. I don't know enough (yet) to fully get into it. The lady said that she doesn't think there have been any studies done on handedness in the ASD. Not that that means there aren't or haven't been any. And the other thing I was wondering about came later in the day with Asperger's. There were quite a few things with Asperger's that I thought seemed similar to some of the things that I've been dealing with since my stupid car accident about 4-5 years ago. So, i asked the other lady if there had been any cases of Aspberger's diagnosed in anyone after suffering a traumatic brain injury.
I have no idea where that came from. I don't recall hearing the term TBI or Traumatic Brain Injury anytime recently. I asked that question at the end of the day as we were all leaving. So, instead of studying for my licensing exam, I've been researching TBI. And, I found information about TBI that supports the things I've been dealing with.
I thought those things were just all "in my head". Well, they are in my head seeing as that's where the injury occurred. But, I found information showing that my complaints are LEGITIMATE and not just some excuse or whatever.
I'd tell my doctor this or that had been bothering me but really got nowhere with it. Or, I'd want to tell my doc something and then forget about it when I actually had an appointment.
I felt as if i was just being dismissed or, that I was heard, but that nothing could be done about it. I discovered that there are some support groups, studies and etc. I found a hotline where if one leaves their name and number, a volunteer will get back to you with information about organizations, support groups, physicians and etc. in one's area if there are any. They supposedly try to get back to the caller within 3 business days. It's run by volunteers so it's not guaranteed.
I'm just so stoked that there is a whole group of others that are dealing with the same shit as me. That includes: forgetfulness, not remembering when things happened, knowing what one wants to say but can't form the words in one's head and verbally, forgetting what I'm saying in the middle of saying it, being tired all the time, constant muscle, back and neck pain, a change in my personality or something. I KNOW i'm not the same person I was before my car accident. I can't say how, really, but I know I'm different now. Nothing too drastic, just drastic enough to know that things that once interested me no longer do, I've gained an added interest in some things I was already interested in, things that never would've ticked me off before do, and things that once would've been "no big deal" all of a sudden are a big deal and piss me off. Different sleep patterns.
I've been so FRUSTRATED for so long over the whole thing. I'm going to make a list on paper to take with me next time I see my doc. Maybe the guy that took over the practice/old doc's position will have more knowledge or interest or whatever in the whole thing. Maybe he'll know of someone interested in or studying TBI down at Pitt or somewhere. Or, maybe he can direct me to a therapist, not PSYCHIATRIST, that I can see and help me get past the anger I still have. I've been so pissed off for so long about not being the person I once was. I hate having to write everything down so I won't forget things....everything from shopping lists to where I've met people or how i know them.
What has REALLY PISSED me off over the whole thing is the not being able to verbalize or even mentally think of the word or words to say what i'm thinking. It's odd. I KNOW what it is I'm thinking or want to say. But the words just aren't there. And they once were. What PISSES me off about it is that it always seems to happen at the worst times....like job interviews, meeting new people, right when i'm in the middle of saying something, etc. I discovered there's a term for it today. Of course, I forget the term now. I know it starts with the letter "a".
That's part of the reason I want out of the psych field. It's not just general burn out. It's that compounded by the fact that I know I come off as an idiot sometimes at meetings when I forget what i'm saying, can't remember a date, or simply can't come up with the words for whatever it is i'm thinking. Even when I'm thinking it, the thought is formed without the words and i know I know the words. It makes me feel so damned stupid. And, I took great pride in not coming off as just some dumb blonde or dumb girl. I still do. But then that happens.
There were some other things I wanted to mention regarding the TBI thing but, true to form, I've forgotten what those other things were. I'm going to keep a TBI journal/notebook to record what I learn, questions I may come up with, and anything else of TBI interest to me.
It's just so refreshing knowing there are others in the general public who I can relate to and vice versa. I chatted online in a TBI chat room earlier and it was such a RELIEF. I now know I didn't just become stupid. And that my theory of my brain hitting my skull wall resulting in injury isn't a theory. It's been proven to damage areas of the brain, the frontal lobe being a huge area affected. My theory probably wasn't my theory. I probably learned it in one of my biology/anatomy and psych classes in college and forgot I learned it and attributed it to my own thinking or whatever. It may not make sense to anyone else, but it does me. And, as far as this journal's concerned, that's all that really matters.
I'm just sooooooooo happy to know it's not just me "turning" stupid or just "in my head", as the figure of speech goes. Oh yeah. And that would be the reason I seem to consistently twist things I've been told....like what Mom told me about the state rep contacting me...It all makes sense now....
Once I'm done studying for the licensing exam and pass it, I'm going to really throw myself into studying and researching TBI. It would be cool if UPMC or Pitt were conducting a TBI experiment or study i could participate in....
THAT was another thing I forgot. Studying. Since I've been studying for this licensure exam, I've noticed I'm having a difficult time with the Life portion. I've read and re-read information. And, I still can't remember what I've read. Yet, with the Health portion, I did pretty well on the practice test I took onilne. There were things in the health portion i didn't do too well. But, I realized, the things I didn't do well on were things that weren't really discussed in the class i did get to take.
I've realized I learn differently now. Before the car accident, I was more of a visual learner. I highlighted, , doodled, circled, things like crazy. Just the simple act of those things seemed to enable me to remember what I needed to remember. Now, I seem to be more of an auditory learner. I guess that to do learn the things I'm having trouble with, I'm going to have to read to myself ALOUD. Thank goodness I have the house to myself all this week.
I'm so scared i'm not going to pass this test. I took the practice exam last night and only scored a 63%. I need a 70% to pass the test and get my license.
And, it goes without saying, that I didn't study today and won't. I went to bed around 4 this morning and had to get up around 7:45. I've been tired all day and know that it would be not only be a waste of my time to study, i'd get frustrated by it because i've been so tired. So, I've made myself stay up, not nap, so i can go to bed relatively early tonight. I need to get up early for work tomorrow. I need to be there at 9. So I'll get up around 5 or 6, get caffeinated, and study a bit before work. And, then study more after work.
I'll be attending this ASD training until wed. It's been interesting so far. And, it may just turn into another of those things I really get interested in and do lots of my own research about....along with the TBI and possibly dominant handedness....there has to be a link there.....
i had a huge deja vu moment at work today too. I had a VIVID dream a few weeks ago. More vivid than my usual dreams. And, in it, a lady was talking to a group of people, and it was like I was there, at the meeting in my dream. The only thing was I couldn't place who the people in the group were or the lady talking or a certain person in the group talking to the presenter and asking her a question. I didn't bother to think about where it was the dream was taking place.
Today, my dream happened. I could say word for word what the presenter was going to say as well as the lady in the training group and what her question was going to be. And, that was odd too, because, when i woke up from the dream, i didn't recall any sound in the dream....i'm going to have to study up on psychicism or whatever again. I used to do these meditation type exercises eons ago to help me remember dreams and even control them. I did that stuff mostly in high school. Some in college. And, it got to the point where little snippets of my dreams actually happened in real life. JUST LIKE in my dreams. I used to interuppt my friends and tell them what they were going to say or thinking about saying and freak them out for the fun of it....Now that I sound like a total freak, i'm off to do other things.....
I had my first day of Autism Spectrum Disorders training today. And, it's opened up a new door for me in a round about way.
I really wasn't looking forward to this training, but it's been cool. I asked the 2 presenters 2 questions. Seeing as it seems to be a brain thing, (forget the term i want to use at the moment), I asked the one presenter if she knows if there has been any research into handed-ness and the ASD. It seemed to me from what we were presented (the specifics, i can't recall), i think there was something about the 2 brain hemispheres, that there could be a correlation between left/right handedness somehow. I don't know enough (yet) to fully get into it. The lady said that she doesn't think there have been any studies done on handedness in the ASD. Not that that means there aren't or haven't been any. And the other thing I was wondering about came later in the day with Asperger's. There were quite a few things with Asperger's that I thought seemed similar to some of the things that I've been dealing with since my stupid car accident about 4-5 years ago. So, i asked the other lady if there had been any cases of Aspberger's diagnosed in anyone after suffering a traumatic brain injury.
I have no idea where that came from. I don't recall hearing the term TBI or Traumatic Brain Injury anytime recently. I asked that question at the end of the day as we were all leaving. So, instead of studying for my licensing exam, I've been researching TBI. And, I found information about TBI that supports the things I've been dealing with.
I thought those things were just all "in my head". Well, they are in my head seeing as that's where the injury occurred. But, I found information showing that my complaints are LEGITIMATE and not just some excuse or whatever.
I'd tell my doctor this or that had been bothering me but really got nowhere with it. Or, I'd want to tell my doc something and then forget about it when I actually had an appointment.
I felt as if i was just being dismissed or, that I was heard, but that nothing could be done about it. I discovered that there are some support groups, studies and etc. I found a hotline where if one leaves their name and number, a volunteer will get back to you with information about organizations, support groups, physicians and etc. in one's area if there are any. They supposedly try to get back to the caller within 3 business days. It's run by volunteers so it's not guaranteed.
I'm just so stoked that there is a whole group of others that are dealing with the same shit as me. That includes: forgetfulness, not remembering when things happened, knowing what one wants to say but can't form the words in one's head and verbally, forgetting what I'm saying in the middle of saying it, being tired all the time, constant muscle, back and neck pain, a change in my personality or something. I KNOW i'm not the same person I was before my car accident. I can't say how, really, but I know I'm different now. Nothing too drastic, just drastic enough to know that things that once interested me no longer do, I've gained an added interest in some things I was already interested in, things that never would've ticked me off before do, and things that once would've been "no big deal" all of a sudden are a big deal and piss me off. Different sleep patterns.
I've been so FRUSTRATED for so long over the whole thing. I'm going to make a list on paper to take with me next time I see my doc. Maybe the guy that took over the practice/old doc's position will have more knowledge or interest or whatever in the whole thing. Maybe he'll know of someone interested in or studying TBI down at Pitt or somewhere. Or, maybe he can direct me to a therapist, not PSYCHIATRIST, that I can see and help me get past the anger I still have. I've been so pissed off for so long about not being the person I once was. I hate having to write everything down so I won't forget things....everything from shopping lists to where I've met people or how i know them.
What has REALLY PISSED me off over the whole thing is the not being able to verbalize or even mentally think of the word or words to say what i'm thinking. It's odd. I KNOW what it is I'm thinking or want to say. But the words just aren't there. And they once were. What PISSES me off about it is that it always seems to happen at the worst times....like job interviews, meeting new people, right when i'm in the middle of saying something, etc. I discovered there's a term for it today. Of course, I forget the term now. I know it starts with the letter "a".
That's part of the reason I want out of the psych field. It's not just general burn out. It's that compounded by the fact that I know I come off as an idiot sometimes at meetings when I forget what i'm saying, can't remember a date, or simply can't come up with the words for whatever it is i'm thinking. Even when I'm thinking it, the thought is formed without the words and i know I know the words. It makes me feel so damned stupid. And, I took great pride in not coming off as just some dumb blonde or dumb girl. I still do. But then that happens.
There were some other things I wanted to mention regarding the TBI thing but, true to form, I've forgotten what those other things were. I'm going to keep a TBI journal/notebook to record what I learn, questions I may come up with, and anything else of TBI interest to me.
It's just so refreshing knowing there are others in the general public who I can relate to and vice versa. I chatted online in a TBI chat room earlier and it was such a RELIEF. I now know I didn't just become stupid. And that my theory of my brain hitting my skull wall resulting in injury isn't a theory. It's been proven to damage areas of the brain, the frontal lobe being a huge area affected. My theory probably wasn't my theory. I probably learned it in one of my biology/anatomy and psych classes in college and forgot I learned it and attributed it to my own thinking or whatever. It may not make sense to anyone else, but it does me. And, as far as this journal's concerned, that's all that really matters.
I'm just sooooooooo happy to know it's not just me "turning" stupid or just "in my head", as the figure of speech goes. Oh yeah. And that would be the reason I seem to consistently twist things I've been told....like what Mom told me about the state rep contacting me...It all makes sense now....
Once I'm done studying for the licensing exam and pass it, I'm going to really throw myself into studying and researching TBI. It would be cool if UPMC or Pitt were conducting a TBI experiment or study i could participate in....
THAT was another thing I forgot. Studying. Since I've been studying for this licensure exam, I've noticed I'm having a difficult time with the Life portion. I've read and re-read information. And, I still can't remember what I've read. Yet, with the Health portion, I did pretty well on the practice test I took onilne. There were things in the health portion i didn't do too well. But, I realized, the things I didn't do well on were things that weren't really discussed in the class i did get to take.
I've realized I learn differently now. Before the car accident, I was more of a visual learner. I highlighted, , doodled, circled, things like crazy. Just the simple act of those things seemed to enable me to remember what I needed to remember. Now, I seem to be more of an auditory learner. I guess that to do learn the things I'm having trouble with, I'm going to have to read to myself ALOUD. Thank goodness I have the house to myself all this week.
I'm so scared i'm not going to pass this test. I took the practice exam last night and only scored a 63%. I need a 70% to pass the test and get my license.
And, it goes without saying, that I didn't study today and won't. I went to bed around 4 this morning and had to get up around 7:45. I've been tired all day and know that it would be not only be a waste of my time to study, i'd get frustrated by it because i've been so tired. So, I've made myself stay up, not nap, so i can go to bed relatively early tonight. I need to get up early for work tomorrow. I need to be there at 9. So I'll get up around 5 or 6, get caffeinated, and study a bit before work. And, then study more after work.
I'll be attending this ASD training until wed. It's been interesting so far. And, it may just turn into another of those things I really get interested in and do lots of my own research about....along with the TBI and possibly dominant handedness....there has to be a link there.....
i had a huge deja vu moment at work today too. I had a VIVID dream a few weeks ago. More vivid than my usual dreams. And, in it, a lady was talking to a group of people, and it was like I was there, at the meeting in my dream. The only thing was I couldn't place who the people in the group were or the lady talking or a certain person in the group talking to the presenter and asking her a question. I didn't bother to think about where it was the dream was taking place.
Today, my dream happened. I could say word for word what the presenter was going to say as well as the lady in the training group and what her question was going to be. And, that was odd too, because, when i woke up from the dream, i didn't recall any sound in the dream....i'm going to have to study up on psychicism or whatever again. I used to do these meditation type exercises eons ago to help me remember dreams and even control them. I did that stuff mostly in high school. Some in college. And, it got to the point where little snippets of my dreams actually happened in real life. JUST LIKE in my dreams. I used to interuppt my friends and tell them what they were going to say or thinking about saying and freak them out for the fun of it....Now that I sound like a total freak, i'm off to do other things.....