(no subject)
feelings are terrible.
i want to be numb this week just for this week.
because i know that i am going to do something terrible by friday.
and if nothing happens by then, well then i guess i am retarded, and have no spine, or maybe i am just too mushy inside that i can't deal with it right now. because everything thing else is pointing to this thing that i don't want to do, but might just to get out of this fucking ditch i'm in.
i don't feel like being optomistic.
my time is all filled up.
i am so busy now all the time, but i fall apart as soon as i'm back home with nothing to do but think and then i blame it on other people. i have a game on wednesday @ fairhaven & friday @ martha's vineyard. fucking martha's vineyard. just fuck. it's so fucking close. this is fucking torture for me and i am considering just not going.
saturday i am going to a show with kaitlyn and jeanie and carolyn?
sunday is anybody's guess
i want to be numb this week just for this week.
because i know that i am going to do something terrible by friday.
and if nothing happens by then, well then i guess i am retarded, and have no spine, or maybe i am just too mushy inside that i can't deal with it right now. because everything thing else is pointing to this thing that i don't want to do, but might just to get out of this fucking ditch i'm in.
i don't feel like being optomistic.
my time is all filled up.
i am so busy now all the time, but i fall apart as soon as i'm back home with nothing to do but think and then i blame it on other people. i have a game on wednesday @ fairhaven & friday @ martha's vineyard. fucking martha's vineyard. just fuck. it's so fucking close. this is fucking torture for me and i am considering just not going.
saturday i am going to a show with kaitlyn and jeanie and carolyn?
sunday is anybody's guess