(no subject)
I couldn't write much before. Here's the rest, I guess.
Why am I telling this crappy old diary anyway?
Before I told Lenehil's friend all my dark secrets, this is what happened.
I can't really remember what happened exactly. I was walking around... and I sat down. There was this guy, Freddie and he was angry and...we were talking or somthing. Anyway, he sort of approched me, and.... I don't know why, but I just got spooked and I lashed out. I kicked out at him and broke his hand and... I hexed him. I can't remember it exactly. It was just the first thing that came to my head. I could have hurt him. I could have killed him!
THIS is why I hate magic. I don't belong here. It's dangerous and I can't control it. I'm dangerous. Maybe I just can't control myself. Maybe I should be locked up again.
I ran straight to Adrian. I always do. Or always want to. I hate relying on him so much. He's supposed to be my bo- My friend. I hate that he knows all the small bits about me. I hate when he sees me cry. But than again, I like when he does, because it means he's there with me. Taking care of me. Which I hate! I can never take care of him. It's all just.... wrong.
I want to be stronger for him. I want him to have seen the old me. But maybe he'd hate that old me. I was muggle and always breaking rules. He'd hate that.
So. does he hate me? The real me? Maybe I was right in the begining. Maybe it's the wolves that want each other...
The weird thing about talking to Freddie is... I could tell him everything, except about Ade. I couldn't force it out.
I could tell him about being abandoned, about being hurt. I could tell him all the things that were so bad. But I was so ashemed of the one thing that makes me happy....
Why am I telling this crappy old diary anyway?
Before I told Lenehil's friend all my dark secrets, this is what happened.
I can't really remember what happened exactly. I was walking around... and I sat down. There was this guy, Freddie and he was angry and...we were talking or somthing. Anyway, he sort of approched me, and.... I don't know why, but I just got spooked and I lashed out. I kicked out at him and broke his hand and... I hexed him. I can't remember it exactly. It was just the first thing that came to my head. I could have hurt him. I could have killed him!
THIS is why I hate magic. I don't belong here. It's dangerous and I can't control it. I'm dangerous. Maybe I just can't control myself. Maybe I should be locked up again.
I ran straight to Adrian. I always do. Or always want to. I hate relying on him so much. He's supposed to be my bo- My friend. I hate that he knows all the small bits about me. I hate when he sees me cry. But than again, I like when he does, because it means he's there with me. Taking care of me. Which I hate! I can never take care of him. It's all just.... wrong.
I want to be stronger for him. I want him to have seen the old me. But maybe he'd hate that old me. I was muggle and always breaking rules. He'd hate that.
So. does he hate me? The real me? Maybe I was right in the begining. Maybe it's the wolves that want each other...
The weird thing about talking to Freddie is... I could tell him everything, except about Ade. I couldn't force it out.
I could tell him about being abandoned, about being hurt. I could tell him all the things that were so bad. But I was so ashemed of the one thing that makes me happy....