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Where did everything go wrong? I finally felt happiness in every aspect of my life. I finally got a taste of what it feels like to live in the absence of confusion. Everything seemed to fit so perfectly together. I woke up each morning with a sense of peace, accomplishment and with a positive outlook on the future. I was confident in the choices I was making. I felt so good about myself, I had finally acheived what I'd wanted to so badly- I didn't feel so depressed, desperate and alone. I didn't have this underlying self doubt at all times. I no longer woke up every morning wondering how could it be possible that I'm goign to actually drag myself out of bed and face another day? Face another day of guilt, of anger, at myself, at others, another day filled with sadness? I was so happy with how everything was going,... work... my family... my health.. my relationship with vito, my future with him... ANd it seems as if I blinked, and **POOF** I'm right back to where I was.. where I had been stuck for years.... everythings gone to shit...AGAIN. Its so bloody disheartening... I feel like verything I'm doing is wrong.. I want to run away, somewhere, anywhere..just start over again..this is not all about vito.. it's about everything.. nothing good lasts forever.. enjoy it while it's there..but don't trust it too much... I'm so fucking depressed... I feel myself slipping into that retarded state of mind again.. and no, for who you guys who care enough to actually read all my bull shit, I don't plan on doing anything stupid (just to let you know).. i survived feeling this ache before, and I'll just do it again, I guess..it does keep getting harder though... my close friends try to keep my head up and tell me the positive thing sthey see in me, to remind me that not all is lost, but its hard to see the light when theres so much darkness.. it's been a really rough couple of months, i don't know if i can say i've survived worse, but then again, when you're actually going through the pain and the torment, it seems worse than ever before...but everything about life comes in cycles i guess. It just seems like they're a bit rougher as you get older.. ha hahah..I just want everything to be good again. Maybe that's too much to ask for all at once... How about lets make things good with vito, and then hopefully everything else will just fall into place after that...