OH WHAT A TANGLED WEB WE WEAVE......
What a fuck up....
Why is it that every time I think I'm doing the right thing, everything blows up in my face?
How many more years do I have to endure of making mistakes? wrong choices??
I don't know if I have the strength to get through another broken heart.... I fucked up so large... I broke up with Vito because of all of the things that were hurting me, how cold he could be, he couldn't say the things I needed to hear... he couldn't bring himself to do the things I needed him to do... I thought since AC was saying these things and doing these things I thought it was right... But André and I haven't been together in 2 years.. a lot of time has passed and we both have changed.. but at he same time, I was reminded of why we broke up in the first place...He is too difficult. He was before and he still is now. He has grown in a lot of ways, but it wasn't enough. I was so fucking in love with him when we were together, I would have done ANYTHING to keep him with me, but he just kept pushing me away... This time around, he was the one who wanted me sooo badly, and now I've pushed him away. I couldn't handle all this pressure..I still wasn't over Vito... I'm sure he hates me... I hate me for hurting him, for hurting them both...Vito and I wound up getting back together a lot sooner than I thought we would.. he missed me, I missed him, we cried in eachothers arms for days, things were promised, he said he would get over the situation with André.. and things were going ok for the last couple of weeks. Then I realized that I was still upset over all of the same things that made me decide to stop being with him in the first place.. See? Not enough time had passed...( I was RIGHT!!! when he said he wanted to get back together, I asked him if he was sure, and he said yes, he loves me and wants to be with me..) Then 2 days ago, out of nowhere, we were arguing about the usual ( you don't make me feel like you love me, Vito) and then he hit me with, " I can't do this anymore. I can't stop picturing you with André". What? Not once did he show me how much it bothered him over the last few weeks.. Why can't he talk to me about stuff that bothers him? All I want is the chance to make all of this right. I thought me breaking up with him was the right thing to do, I thought going with André was the right thing to do because he really does love me too, and he was willing to give me what I was missing from Vito, I thought me and Vito getting back together was the right thing... WRONG>>>WRONG>>>WRONG>>>WRONG>>
I want Vito so bad. He sat there and told me that anytime he starts to miss me he's going to think of me being with André.. I fucked up so huge..... He is everythign that i want. He's smart, he's level headed, he likes to work, he's hot, he comes from a (fairly) stable family, my family loves him, his family loves me, he's caring, he's kind, we have a blast together, he's hilarious, he motivates me to do better for myself, he makes me a better person, he gives me hope for the future, he wants to be able to let me be a stay at home mom, he takes pride in things that he does, he's great with money and finances, I feel safe around him, especially in his arms... there's a gazillion reasons as to why I want to be with him, and they cmpletely outweigh the faults that I thought he had. He put it so perfectly- he does everythign for the future, I can only see whats happening in the present... If I Loved him as much as I think I do, how could I have given everythign up and wind up tryign things out with André? That's what he wants to know.... Its not fair.. nothing ever works out.... I love him so much t is making me sick. I can't sleep, I feel like shit, I can't really eat.. My heart feels so empty. I keep hoping that maybe this will pass, and he'll decide that we can work it out and he won't keep wanting to distance himself from me. But it's not just this thing with André, well I don't think so anyways.. He got a taste of freedom when we broke up, he could go do any girls he wanted, he could go hang out with his buddies- so when he could get past the initial hurting from us breaking up, I think he realized, 'hey, this isn't so bad'.... me and my dumb ideas... but I have to keep in mind the guy is only 21 , and as mature as he can be about some things.. he's still a baby... Maybe this is all "tit for tat" I hurt him and this is the best way to hurt me back... God I miss him.... Any ideas on how to fix this?? Should I just suck it up and let him go? (if you love something set it free.. blah..blahh.BLAH) Or should I do what he did, and send him the text messages to tell him i love him, leave him voice mails.. etc... I feel so fucking lost.... I'm scared of doing the wrong thing (again). SHould I back off? Should I be in his face? SHould I do a combination of the 2? HELP!!!!!!! I wish he could just tell me..... ANyways.. that''s all for now, I want to give up....Just love me Vito....
Why is it that every time I think I'm doing the right thing, everything blows up in my face?
How many more years do I have to endure of making mistakes? wrong choices??
I don't know if I have the strength to get through another broken heart.... I fucked up so large... I broke up with Vito because of all of the things that were hurting me, how cold he could be, he couldn't say the things I needed to hear... he couldn't bring himself to do the things I needed him to do... I thought since AC was saying these things and doing these things I thought it was right... But André and I haven't been together in 2 years.. a lot of time has passed and we both have changed.. but at he same time, I was reminded of why we broke up in the first place...He is too difficult. He was before and he still is now. He has grown in a lot of ways, but it wasn't enough. I was so fucking in love with him when we were together, I would have done ANYTHING to keep him with me, but he just kept pushing me away... This time around, he was the one who wanted me sooo badly, and now I've pushed him away. I couldn't handle all this pressure..I still wasn't over Vito... I'm sure he hates me... I hate me for hurting him, for hurting them both...Vito and I wound up getting back together a lot sooner than I thought we would.. he missed me, I missed him, we cried in eachothers arms for days, things were promised, he said he would get over the situation with André.. and things were going ok for the last couple of weeks. Then I realized that I was still upset over all of the same things that made me decide to stop being with him in the first place.. See? Not enough time had passed...( I was RIGHT!!! when he said he wanted to get back together, I asked him if he was sure, and he said yes, he loves me and wants to be with me..) Then 2 days ago, out of nowhere, we were arguing about the usual ( you don't make me feel like you love me, Vito) and then he hit me with, " I can't do this anymore. I can't stop picturing you with André". What? Not once did he show me how much it bothered him over the last few weeks.. Why can't he talk to me about stuff that bothers him? All I want is the chance to make all of this right. I thought me breaking up with him was the right thing to do, I thought going with André was the right thing to do because he really does love me too, and he was willing to give me what I was missing from Vito, I thought me and Vito getting back together was the right thing... WRONG>>>WRONG>>>WRONG>>>WRONG>>
I want Vito so bad. He sat there and told me that anytime he starts to miss me he's going to think of me being with André.. I fucked up so huge..... He is everythign that i want. He's smart, he's level headed, he likes to work, he's hot, he comes from a (fairly) stable family, my family loves him, his family loves me, he's caring, he's kind, we have a blast together, he's hilarious, he motivates me to do better for myself, he makes me a better person, he gives me hope for the future, he wants to be able to let me be a stay at home mom, he takes pride in things that he does, he's great with money and finances, I feel safe around him, especially in his arms... there's a gazillion reasons as to why I want to be with him, and they cmpletely outweigh the faults that I thought he had. He put it so perfectly- he does everythign for the future, I can only see whats happening in the present... If I Loved him as much as I think I do, how could I have given everythign up and wind up tryign things out with André? That's what he wants to know.... Its not fair.. nothing ever works out.... I love him so much t is making me sick. I can't sleep, I feel like shit, I can't really eat.. My heart feels so empty. I keep hoping that maybe this will pass, and he'll decide that we can work it out and he won't keep wanting to distance himself from me. But it's not just this thing with André, well I don't think so anyways.. He got a taste of freedom when we broke up, he could go do any girls he wanted, he could go hang out with his buddies- so when he could get past the initial hurting from us breaking up, I think he realized, 'hey, this isn't so bad'.... me and my dumb ideas... but I have to keep in mind the guy is only 21 , and as mature as he can be about some things.. he's still a baby... Maybe this is all "tit for tat" I hurt him and this is the best way to hurt me back... God I miss him.... Any ideas on how to fix this?? Should I just suck it up and let him go? (if you love something set it free.. blah..blahh.BLAH) Or should I do what he did, and send him the text messages to tell him i love him, leave him voice mails.. etc... I feel so fucking lost.... I'm scared of doing the wrong thing (again). SHould I back off? Should I be in his face? SHould I do a combination of the 2? HELP!!!!!!! I wish he could just tell me..... ANyways.. that''s all for now, I want to give up....Just love me Vito....