(no subject)
individual words that mean nothing - i say them over and over, keep them on my tongue hoping to fill this lethargic void. not depression, this doesn't feel authentic enough. i am not sad, only experiencing counterfeit feelings and symptoms similar to sadness. this isn't depression, this is some lousy counterfeit because i'm not even good enough for that anymore, i'm not good enough for anything real, everything has to be counterfeit counterfeit counterfeit and i'm sick of being second best -
what do you do when your "best" isn't enough?
don't tell me it is because it isn't, not to me.
all this, every single word i spit out onto paper, it all looks so meaningless because i can't see beauty in any of it. i hate these moments of doubt. they tear at my heart, my mind, they go on forever and i never feel as if i will recover but i always do. i always do. i know that full well yet i still succumb.
i am slave to my heart, not my mind.
what do you do when your "best" isn't enough?
don't tell me it is because it isn't, not to me.
all this, every single word i spit out onto paper, it all looks so meaningless because i can't see beauty in any of it. i hate these moments of doubt. they tear at my heart, my mind, they go on forever and i never feel as if i will recover but i always do. i always do. i know that full well yet i still succumb.
i am slave to my heart, not my mind.