Let's Talk About Exercise
...although, for some reason, I hate doing that. It makes me feel really embarassed and exposed to talk about it (although, even more weirdly, sometimes it doesn't). God only knows why.
I think I might be able to blame my mother for this one, come to think of it. She was one of those girls who's slim up until they have their first baby (me) and then balloon into matriarchs (at eighteen). She hated it. She spent years going on fad diets and whinging on about her weight. She made a huge fuss of my sister, who is two inches taller than me, and only about 8 stone/112 lbs/51kg, while I had puppy fat until I was sixteen (seriously, does anyone ever actually believe it when they're told it's just puppy fat?).
So, yeah. The whole world of diets and exercise and whatnot just reminds me of the stench of desperation my mother had, the feeling of not being good enough. I don't want to partake in that, although I do want to be active. But, I guess whenever I start to tell people about it, I just hear my mother.
I have manic depression, and for me, this means that sometimes I will spend weeks on end chomping at the bit to go running at 5am, or during my breaks at work, or dance for hours on end, or go on ridiculously long bike rides...and then, at the other end of the scale, I'll spend weeks not changing out of my pyjamas. I do still want to be active, even then, it's just...I have to get dressed, and go out where there are people, and do stuff and...
It's all just too much hassle.
But, since the 1st of this month (actually, since the 30th of last month, but I thought the first was neater), I've been making the effort to do something every day. I got a couple of DVDs (Barbara Currie's Seven Secrets of Yoga and The Jordan Workout). So, now, to exercise, I don't have to change out my pyjamas or leave the room (although I do have to put a bra on if I do the aerobic bit of the Jordan one, which I rarely do - I've never liked aerobics, I'd rather just build lean muscle and let that eat calories). Each of those DVDs are split into small sections of no more than fifteen minutes, so I can just do ten minutes if I want to. Hell, if I want to, I can do half of one section and then stop (I haven't yet, but I tell myself that I can). The other bonus is, I can leave it till the last minute - ten or eleven at night - and then do something, which I can't with running or cycling (well, I can, but it wouldn't be a fantastic idea).
So, now, my muscles ache in all the places I want them too, and my stomach muscles (my personal least-favourite bit of my body) are getting more toned and defined by the day. It's awesome. I've taken away all the obstacles, and I get to be active, and it's not about losing weight. The Jordan one is aimed at getting a certain figure (and, tbh, the Barbara Currie one goes on about it too), but I ignore those bits. For me, yoga is about becoming more flexible, being able to do more with my body, rather than it looking a certain way (that's just a nice bonus). The Jordan one's for when I want it to hurt. And, when I get into the high energy times, I'll go back into running and cycling, and it won't hurt so much.
I think I might be able to blame my mother for this one, come to think of it. She was one of those girls who's slim up until they have their first baby (me) and then balloon into matriarchs (at eighteen). She hated it. She spent years going on fad diets and whinging on about her weight. She made a huge fuss of my sister, who is two inches taller than me, and only about 8 stone/112 lbs/51kg, while I had puppy fat until I was sixteen (seriously, does anyone ever actually believe it when they're told it's just puppy fat?).
So, yeah. The whole world of diets and exercise and whatnot just reminds me of the stench of desperation my mother had, the feeling of not being good enough. I don't want to partake in that, although I do want to be active. But, I guess whenever I start to tell people about it, I just hear my mother.
I have manic depression, and for me, this means that sometimes I will spend weeks on end chomping at the bit to go running at 5am, or during my breaks at work, or dance for hours on end, or go on ridiculously long bike rides...and then, at the other end of the scale, I'll spend weeks not changing out of my pyjamas. I do still want to be active, even then, it's just...I have to get dressed, and go out where there are people, and do stuff and...
It's all just too much hassle.
But, since the 1st of this month (actually, since the 30th of last month, but I thought the first was neater), I've been making the effort to do something every day. I got a couple of DVDs (Barbara Currie's Seven Secrets of Yoga and The Jordan Workout). So, now, to exercise, I don't have to change out my pyjamas or leave the room (although I do have to put a bra on if I do the aerobic bit of the Jordan one, which I rarely do - I've never liked aerobics, I'd rather just build lean muscle and let that eat calories). Each of those DVDs are split into small sections of no more than fifteen minutes, so I can just do ten minutes if I want to. Hell, if I want to, I can do half of one section and then stop (I haven't yet, but I tell myself that I can). The other bonus is, I can leave it till the last minute - ten or eleven at night - and then do something, which I can't with running or cycling (well, I can, but it wouldn't be a fantastic idea).
So, now, my muscles ache in all the places I want them too, and my stomach muscles (my personal least-favourite bit of my body) are getting more toned and defined by the day. It's awesome. I've taken away all the obstacles, and I get to be active, and it's not about losing weight. The Jordan one is aimed at getting a certain figure (and, tbh, the Barbara Currie one goes on about it too), but I ignore those bits. For me, yoga is about becoming more flexible, being able to do more with my body, rather than it looking a certain way (that's just a nice bonus). The Jordan one's for when I want it to hurt. And, when I get into the high energy times, I'll go back into running and cycling, and it won't hurt so much.