(no subject)
Grraaaaarrrgh, this post.
Okay, this guy walks into CF and lurks for a bit. He makes comments about how the entire group is close-minded, and says things like "at last, someone intelligent!" when anyone agrees with him. Then, he posts about his unhappiness with life - that, in short, he has no one he feels really close to, and that his ex-girlfriend, whom he gave a lot of time, love and encouragement to, has no time for him any more, even as a friend (to be quite fair though, it's probably better to read his own version).
The thing is, people change. She doesn't owe him anything. Friendship, time, love and attention are freely given, not in the expectation of getting something back. Sure, if they don't, you generally make the choice to stop giving it, but that's your choice. You only have control over your actions and reactions, not over someone elses.
He also talks a lot about how anti-conformist he is, and really, there's nothing quite so irritating as someone who tells people they're anti-conformist. It's like they're doing it specifically to get a reaction, and that's not anti-conformist at all, it's what every teenager does (the guy is nearly thirty). Secondly, he's posting in a CF-group - we're all anti-conformist if you take the wide view.
So, after talking about how anti-conformist he is, and how friendship is a currency, he wonders why he can't find any people who are exactly like him to be friends with. He can't see the problem in that statement. When people post anything other than "oh, wow, poor you", he writes them off as having a grudge, or not understanding, or just plain being a jerk. Sometimes, you do have to be cruel to be kind. Honestly, I think this guy's problem is that he's too fussy. He holds himself up as being special and unique and anti-conformist, and in everything he writes, he insults the intelligence and compassion of the entire group as a collective. He wants friends who always agree with him, on everything, and then wonders why he can't get close to people.
Friendship is about compromise. It's not about being the same. No, opposites don't always attract, but in any relationship, you have to make the same allowances for them as they're making for you. Else, of course you're going to be alone.
I may sound harsh (and he certainly thinks I am), but really, it's sad. From where I'm standing, I think if he took these comments on board, and stopped judging people before speaking to them (as being 'conformist', or lacking compassion, or whatever), and expecting the worst of them, and stopped demanding so much from a friendship, and just let it develop, and stopped expecting good friends to be just like him, and always agree with him...then he'd be a lot happier. But it seems that won't happen, because I don't think there's any way to tell him that without instantly being written of as, for want of a better word, a hater.
:(
Grraaaargggh.
Okay, this guy walks into CF and lurks for a bit. He makes comments about how the entire group is close-minded, and says things like "at last, someone intelligent!" when anyone agrees with him. Then, he posts about his unhappiness with life - that, in short, he has no one he feels really close to, and that his ex-girlfriend, whom he gave a lot of time, love and encouragement to, has no time for him any more, even as a friend (to be quite fair though, it's probably better to read his own version).
The thing is, people change. She doesn't owe him anything. Friendship, time, love and attention are freely given, not in the expectation of getting something back. Sure, if they don't, you generally make the choice to stop giving it, but that's your choice. You only have control over your actions and reactions, not over someone elses.
He also talks a lot about how anti-conformist he is, and really, there's nothing quite so irritating as someone who tells people they're anti-conformist. It's like they're doing it specifically to get a reaction, and that's not anti-conformist at all, it's what every teenager does (the guy is nearly thirty). Secondly, he's posting in a CF-group - we're all anti-conformist if you take the wide view.
So, after talking about how anti-conformist he is, and how friendship is a currency, he wonders why he can't find any people who are exactly like him to be friends with. He can't see the problem in that statement. When people post anything other than "oh, wow, poor you", he writes them off as having a grudge, or not understanding, or just plain being a jerk. Sometimes, you do have to be cruel to be kind. Honestly, I think this guy's problem is that he's too fussy. He holds himself up as being special and unique and anti-conformist, and in everything he writes, he insults the intelligence and compassion of the entire group as a collective. He wants friends who always agree with him, on everything, and then wonders why he can't get close to people.
Friendship is about compromise. It's not about being the same. No, opposites don't always attract, but in any relationship, you have to make the same allowances for them as they're making for you. Else, of course you're going to be alone.
I may sound harsh (and he certainly thinks I am), but really, it's sad. From where I'm standing, I think if he took these comments on board, and stopped judging people before speaking to them (as being 'conformist', or lacking compassion, or whatever), and expecting the worst of them, and stopped demanding so much from a friendship, and just let it develop, and stopped expecting good friends to be just like him, and always agree with him...then he'd be a lot happier. But it seems that won't happen, because I don't think there's any way to tell him that without instantly being written of as, for want of a better word, a hater.
:(
Grraaaargggh.