Tilte: I Dream of You Rating: G Warnings: N/A Summary: Little Japan has just witnessed his first war and it terrified him. When he can't sleep, a little loving guidance from his older brother can go a long way... ( Even the moon can't sleep... )
One quick uh, typo, I think? Um... this might be my jet-boggled brain not making sense of things. I know that when I feel sad that still have I need to protect them
Otherwise! Lemme give a big, long, gushy: AWWWWWWW. Because it was. And they're adorable like that, particularly Japan, who I can totally see with those wide-eyed googlies and d'awww~~. As I've stated before, and cannot stress enough, it's so nice to have some non-pairing fic in the community as well! Of course it's a romance-oriented community, but, like you said in the discussion!post, Kiku and Yao have so many other relations, it's really nice to see the familial side explored.
The use of Chinese legends was really nicely entwined (although I'm a little miffed *not really* at the lack of Princess Kaguya! *pouts* Has Japan not altered China's legends at this point in time?), as well as the reality-check that yes, they are nation-representations, and being nation-representations, they don't have time to be crying over scary dreams when their people are suffering! :D
I guess, if I had to give actual critique, it would probably lie in the "~"-s. Well, I'm not sure how you use "~"-s (and if you don't use it like me, then it totally doesn't apply to you), but I imagine the "~" to elongate the last syllable. Like: "cat" to "ca~at" (or "help" to "he~elp"). Which... I'm pretty sure isn't what Yao is saying here. Aside from that, the writing flows naturally, nice use of detail, lahdeelah...
Oh! right - You might want to think about moving the asterisk "*" one paragraph up, because I initially thought that the "Notes -" were still part of the story. But it's just a little jarring, that's all~ (like: "a~all" xDD)
Thank you so much for sharing! :3 *melts into a sleep-deprived puddle of goo because OMG SO CUUUUTE*
I'm Honored!!!gisetteDecember 14 2010, 16:32:38 UTC
I'm really glad you like it! I'm kind of surprised that this didn't crash and burn since I thought it was kind of rushed--but that's besides the point.
(Princess Kaguya? :O Man, I should've looked into legends a bit more... I didn't know whether or not Japan had adapted the legends as his own yet.)
I think the "~" is just my way of punctuating Yao's accent when it arises, but I can see where you're coming from. Thanks for the critique as well, so I'll get to changing it around a bit~
(...Now that I think about it, how's about a Dark!Kiku/Yao fic? X3 )
Re: I'm Honored!!!dreamsofdest1nyDecember 15 2010, 05:07:28 UTC
Haha; actually, I asked Hikari if you could post the prompts a day at a time, so I would be able to be surprised too~ (So no, I have no hand with the prompts. Be thankful - I would be sure to include my latest linguistic fetish: German. And I would also have NFI how to work that into a story... xDDD)
Re: I'm Honored!!!dreamsofdest1nyDecember 17 2010, 01:34:51 UTC
Nope! *shameless* All the german I know is from WWII propaganda... which means that the grammar is purposely horrible (not to mention the actual words are retarded... and more racist against the allies [in terms of intelligence] than the axis [talk about propaganda fail...]) so I would probably just have german prompts. xDD
Re: I'm Honored!!!gisetteDecember 17 2010, 01:52:02 UTC
Don't make fun of my mother tongue (wait, I'm half-Austrian too...)! Just because it sounds really manly and!...and... Nah, you're right. :/ I don't look into propaganda posters or anything so, yup.
I know that when I feel sad that still have I need to protect them
Otherwise! Lemme give a big, long, gushy: AWWWWWWW. Because it was. And they're adorable like that, particularly Japan, who I can totally see with those wide-eyed googlies and d'awww~~. As I've stated before, and cannot stress enough, it's so nice to have some non-pairing fic in the community as well! Of course it's a romance-oriented community, but, like you said in the discussion!post, Kiku and Yao have so many other relations, it's really nice to see the familial side explored.
The use of Chinese legends was really nicely entwined (although I'm a little miffed *not really* at the lack of Princess Kaguya! *pouts* Has Japan not altered China's legends at this point in time?), as well as the reality-check that yes, they are nation-representations, and being nation-representations, they don't have time to be crying over scary dreams when their people are suffering! :D
I guess, if I had to give actual critique, it would probably lie in the "~"-s. Well, I'm not sure how you use "~"-s (and if you don't use it like me, then it totally doesn't apply to you), but I imagine the "~" to elongate the last syllable. Like: "cat" to "ca~at" (or "help" to "he~elp"). Which... I'm pretty sure isn't what Yao is saying here. Aside from that, the writing flows naturally, nice use of detail, lahdeelah...
Oh! right - You might want to think about moving the asterisk "*" one paragraph up, because I initially thought that the "Notes -" were still part of the story. But it's just a little jarring, that's all~ (like: "a~all" xDD)
Thank you so much for sharing! :3 *melts into a sleep-deprived puddle of goo because OMG SO CUUUUTE*
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(Princess Kaguya? :O Man, I should've looked into legends a bit more... I didn't know whether or not Japan had adapted the legends as his own yet.)
I think the "~" is just my way of punctuating Yao's accent when it arises, but I can see where you're coming from. Thanks for the critique as well, so I'll get to changing it around a bit~
(...Now that I think about it, how's about a Dark!Kiku/Yao fic? X3 )
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I WOULD SO TRADE YOU A CHINA/JAPAN FIC FOR THAT. <3 (Why don't you pick a day for the advent calendar? ...if you're participating, that is~)
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I've got a funny prompt in mind so...
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...You know, for the braintwist and whatnot? ^^;;
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No, I don't. :D
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