Meet The Parents - Torchwood Style.
Meet the Parents - Torchwood 4
*Its all quiet in the torchwood hub. Jack Harkness has sent his team home and I sat in his office thinking over the days events. Jack looks up at the creak of his office door and see a handsome young man in a snappy suit carrying files*
Jack: Need a hand?
Ianto: Please.
*Jack lifts the file out of Ianto’s hand and put them on the desk. Jack leaded over and placed a kiss lovingly on Ianto’s lips.*
Jack: You do remember what day it is?
Ianto: Wednesday?
Jack: It’s out Anniversary! I should be offended that you haven’t remembered!
*Jack pulls a pouting face, laughs and winks at Ianto*
Ianto: We’ve been a couple 2 weeks and 3 days, and its an Anniversary ?
Jack: Sorry, I wanted an excuse to have sex tonight..
Ianto: You don’t normally need an excuse
*said Ianto winking seductively at his lover*
Ianto: Listen Jack, Ive been meaning to talk to you about something
Jack: Shoot.
Ianto: Ive told my parents about.. about us.
There's a long pause as Jack digests this. He freezes, the files on his desk suddenly forgotten, totally unsure of what to say. On the one hand, he's thrilled that Ianto trusts him enough to meet his parents. But on the other hand he's terrified for the exact same reason. It's meeting the parents! This is a big thing that he's not sure he's ready for yet. When he opens his eyes, he sees Ianto looking rather sad.
Jack: What is it?
Ianto: Nothing.
Jack: I said that out loud, didn't I?
Ianto doesn't answer, but he starts to turn away. Jack suddenly feels horribly guilty and reaches out to catch his arm.
Jack: Ianto, I don't mean that I don't want to meet them.
Ianto: I'm happy with you, Jack and I want to be able to share the reason why I'm happy with my family. Is that so wrong?
Jack: No, of course not! God, Ianto, I do want to meet your parents; I want to thank them for briniging you into the world and making me so happy. It's just a little bit sudden, that's all. I mean, meeting the parents isn't something I usually do after only two weeks.
He fishes his hanky out of his pocket and strokes Ianto's face with it tenderly kissing him on the forehead.
Jack: I'm sorry, it was just a bit of a shock, that's all. I don't mean to say I don't want to meet them.
Ianto: Really?
Jack: Definitely.
He grins happily
Jack: I'm going to meet my boyfriend's parents!
Ianto feels a rush of warmth go through him as Jack utters the word 'boyfriend'. He can't stop himself and leans over to kiss Jack deeply, stroking his neck and hair. When he pulls away, Jack smiles.
Ianto: So...Sunday lunch in two weeks? It's my mum's birthday.
Jack: Barring the Rift - that sounds great!
Ianto: Great, I'll make the call and tell her we're coming. Thanks, Jack.
Jack grins and watches his boyfriend out of the door. Well - he watches his ass go out the door. He'll have to make sure that Ianto wears those nice tight black trousers more.
*Its two weeks later. Jack Harkess is sat strait backed in the passenger seat of the Torchwood SUV. Ianto Jones is Driving the car up a long driveway leading to a large house in Swansea.*
Ianto: Jack, will you calm down?
*Said Ianto Pulling over outside the house*
Ianto: You will be fine, You’re charming, funny and smart. They’ll love you just as much as I do!
Jack: You love me?
*Ianto looks around nervously fidgeting out of the car seat*
Ianto: Its an expression *He says turning brightest crimson*
*Jack winked cheekily in the way Ianto had always loved. Ianto walked up the steps leading to the front door of the house and rang the door bell. Straightening jacks shirt buttons Ianto leant in ad kissed him*
Ianto: You’ll be fine. Really.
*The front door opened, answered by a tall grey haired man wearing a suit and a tie, now Jack knew where Ianto got his dress sense from*
Jack: Captain Jack Harkness Sir
*Said Jack in his most charming voice, holding out his hand*
Jack: Pleasure to meet you Mr Jones.
Ianto: Jack, this is the butler, William. Will, where are my mum and dad? Conservatory?
William: Yes, Sir. Can I take your coat Mr Harkness?
*Ianto leads the way into the conservatory through the large hall of the building, laughing to himself about Jacks mistake. Jack follows Ianto, feeling flustered. At least things cant get that much worse for me he thinks to himself*
Ianto: Mum, Dad, This is Jack. Jack, these are my parents.
Mrs Jones: Hello again, Captain.
Jack: Sarah? David? Oh, Fuck!
Ianto looks at Jack in confusion, noticing the sheer horror crossing his boyfriend's face as he stared at the couple in front of him, both of whom were looking at him with the same expressions.
Ianto: Jack? Is...everything okay?
Jack: You might want to come with me for a second. Excuse us, Sarah and David.
Sarah: Kitchen...is that way.
Jack: Thank you.
He follows the direction Sarah is pointing in and walks out of the sitting room, Ianto hot on his heels. When they're both in the kitchen, Jack leans against the kitchen table and groans.
Jack: Fuck...
Ianto: Jack, what's going on?
Jack: Ianto...do you remember that story I told you where I was about to be killed and I ended up in bed with both my executioners?
Ianto looks at him in confusion for a second, before the penny suddenly drops.
Ianto: Please tell me you're joking.
Jack: Ianto -
Ianto: YOU SLEPT WITH MY PARENTS?!!!
Jack: Yeah - and, for what it's worth, I can see that your father taught you all he knew. *Ianto raises his infamous eyebrow* Okay, wrong thing to say, there - hey, where are you going?
Jack reaches out and tries to pull his lover back, but Ianto is out of the door before he can move.
Jack: Fuck!
He rests his head in his hands, just as he hears Ianto scream from the sitting room.
Ianto: YOU TRIED TO KILL AND SLEPT WITH MY BOYFRIEND?!!
Well, at least he's not the only one getting yelled at, Jack thinks. But he also has a nasty feeling he'll be sleeping on the sofa for a while.
William: Dinner is being served in the dining room, Sir.
Jack: Thanks Will.
*10 minutes later Jack, Ianto, Sarah and David where sat in the dining room. There was a long awkward silence broken by David*
David: So, Jack, What have you been doing since we last spoke?
Ianto: Yeah, Jack. Slept with any of your other boyfriend’s parents?
Sarah: Ianto! Don’t be so rude!
Ianto: Excuse me.
*Ianto stalked out of the dining room and up the stairs to his old bedroom.*
Sarah: I’m so sorry Jack. He’s never acted like this before.
Jack: Its ok. I’m sure its just a shock to his system. I mean how many of his past partners have slept with his parents? Ill go and talk to him.
*Jack makes his way up the stairs to Ianto’s room. The door to the left of him has a small ‘keep out’ sign. Jack peeped his head around the door*
Jack: Hey, you ok?
Ianto: Yeah I’m great! My parents slept with my boyfriend before I did, Jack! How do you think I feel?
Jack: Ianto, I am so sorry. I didn’t know they where your parents! Hell I didn’t even know they had kids! And if I had of known.. who am I kidding? I still would have. But if I’d have known that I’d fall for their son 22 years later I wouldn’t have!
Ianto: You’ve fallen for me?
Jack: Its an expression *Said Jack mirroring Iantos past crimson colour*
Ianto: Maybe we should go and finish our meal? My mum and dad will be waiting.
*Said Ianto smiling slightly at Jacks crimson colouring*
Ianto: Come on, I want to hear the story anyway. We need something to tell Owen when we get back!
Jack starts to walk outside when he hears Ianto's comment and walks smack into the wall in his shock.
Ianto: Jack! Are you okay?
Jack: Don't even THINK about telling this to Owen.
Ianto: Why not?
Jack: Because...that's my job. He blinks slightly, rubbing his head Oww...that hurt.
Ianto: Aww, don't worry - here, let me kiss it better. He does so, only for Jack to pin him against the wall and kiss him passionately Jack...come on...I love you, but...not in the same house as my parents!
Jack: pouts a little, but pulls away Okay, I can wait.
He starts to walk away, only to stop and turn back for a moments
Jack: Oh, and Ianto?
Ianto: Yes, Jack?
Jack: I love you too.
Ianto: I know. Now come on - we'd better get back downstairs.
They walk back down the stairs, hand in hand and return to the dining room.
Ianto: Sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to be rude.
David: That's okay, son; I understand that it was a shock.
Jack: with an air of someone wanting to change the subject before it gets awkward again So...what have you been doing since I last saw you two?
Sarah: Did you see the tourist office about ten minutes down the road? We run that place.
Ianto chokes on his drink
Jack: Ianto, are you okay?
Ianto: I'm fine.
David: Keeping it in the family, I guess. I have to thank you, Jack, for taking him in after what happened in London, though. I couldn't believe it when I heard about the *he gives Jack a hard look* terrorist attacks, or that Lisa died in the middle of it all.
Jack squirms uneasily, but nods. Later, when he and Ianto are sitting on Ianto's bed, he decides to ask him something
Jack: Ianto...did you tell your parents about Torchwood?
Ianto: No...I don't know how they seem to know so much. *He gets up and goes to look out of the window, just in time to see David and Sarah driving away Okay...where could they be going? D'you think we should follow them? I mean, they told me they wouldn't be working today.
Jack: Okay.
They go downstairs and get into their car, following David and Sarah at a safe distance. Ianto is surprised to see them pull up outside the tourist office they drove past on the way here. Jack gets out of the car, quite calmly and walks up to them, Ianto following.
Ianto: Okay, what's going on? Where do you really work?
David: Right here...in this -
Sarah: David! We can't tell him who we are. It'll be too much for him, so soon after what happened at -
Ianto: Canary Wharf - but how do you know about that?
David looks anxiously at his wife, who sighs and then nods.
Sarah: Ianto...we haven't been entirely honest with you about our line of work. We don't work in a tourist office.
She unlocks the door and shows that, indeed, the inside is not a tourist office at all. In fact, it looks a lot like...
Ianto: This looks very familiar.
Jack: Yes, it does...
David: Jack, Ianto - welcome to Torchwood Four.
There's a long silence, which is suddenly broken by Jack shouting
Jack: You mean Torchwood Four, which we all thought had gone missing is actually in the next city from us and being run by my former executioners who I slept with and who also happen to be the parents of my boyfriend?!!
David: Pretty much...
Ianto: I need a drink.
*The group entered the headquarters of Torchwood 4. Ianto looked around in Awe. Jack noticed the massive resemblance to Torchwood 3, Jack leant in to whisper something to Ianto*
Jack: The only thing missing is Mfanway!
Sarah: Ianto, Jack, meet our team. This is Tam- Weir, he’s out computer and technology genius.
*Sarah points to a tall, slim Japanese man. Probably in his late 20’s. He was sat at a computer typing furiously. Tam-Weir looked up and nodded and turned back to his computer*
David: This is our medical officer, Kallie Loft.
*David pointed at a slim, good looking woman working down in a small medical area that looked strangely like the autopsy room*
Kallie: I thought this was supposed to be a secret organisation?
*Said Kallie in a sarcastic, Owen-like tone.*
*Then came the voice of a woman from a nearby kitchenette*
Tracy: Oh, Shut up Kallie! Do you always have to be so sarcastic?
Im Tracy, Tracy Cartwrite. I’m the one who get the team everywhere on time.
*Tracy Cartwrite was a small woman. Dark hair and eyes to match. She was wearing a Black pinstripe fitted suit and white shirt.*
David: And she makes great coffee!
Jack: *Leaning in to Ianto* Hey, She’s you!
Ianto: There us! All of us!
*At that point there was a large growl echoed from somewhere in the building.*
Tam: Don’t worry *said Tam seeing the worried look on Ianto and Jack’s faces* That’s just Terry.
Ianto: Who’s Terry?
Kallie: That’s our T-Rex
*Jack and Ianto looked at each other in astonishment. Sure they where both thinking the same thing. Torchwood 4 was like looking in a mirror*
Jack: Ianto...can we talk for a moment?
Ianto: Yes, Jack. Yes we can.
Ianto drags Jack back outside
Jack: So...your parents run Torchwood Four.
Ianto: Apparently, yes they do. And before you ask if I was ever planning to tell you this, no I wasn't, for the simple reason that I didn't know.
Jack: So...Torchwood Four is...in the next city to us...being run by my boyfriend's parents...and we never found it?
Ianto: It looks like it.
Jack: We spent...I don't know how long trying to find it and...it's in the next door city to us? *He groans and massages his head* I really need a drink.
Ianto: I thought you'd never ask.
They go into a pub and each order a strong drink. A VERY strong drink.
Jack: Is it just me...or are they -
Ianto: Exactly like us? No, it's not just you.
Jack: Right. I just thought I'd check. *He takes a swig of his drink* So...meeting the parents then...I mean, I expected a lot of things with your parents, Yan, but...this?
Ianto: Well, to be fair, I didn't expect to find out that (a) they tried to kill you and (b) you then slept with them. Both of them. He takes another sip of his drink and then suddenly starts to choke as something seems to occur to him Oh, God...no...please, no...
Jack: What? What is it?
Ianto: You slept with my mother!
Jack: Yes, we've established this. What's your point?
Ianto: Jack! Work it out!
Jack: *Looks confused and then gets it Oh...nonononono!! No. No - you're not, definitely not. No. You're definitely not my son.
Ianto: How do you know that?
Jack: Because you look exactly like your dad...and because this happened way before you were born. *He takes Ianto's hand and kisses it* Trust me, Yan; there is no way that we could be related.
Ianto: Oh... *He collapses against Jack's chest*
Jack: You ready to go back?
Ianto: No...I need another drink.
*After 2 stiff drinks each the couple made there way back to Torchwood 4. Still in shock at the similarities Jack and Ianto decided to look around*
Jack: This is just plain weird.
Ianto: I know every inch of our Hub. This is exactly the same. From the Tourist Information Centre right down to the archives Jack. Everything.
Jack: Are you sure?
*Ianto gives Jack his ‘don’t be so stupid of course I am’ look and Jack smiles*
Jack: Its uncanny. We’ve got to go and tell the others.
*An hour and a half later and Jack was pulling up in the Torchwood garage. As they walked in to the hub jack looked around at his team*
Gwen: You’re back!
Owen: No shit Sherlock!
Gwen: Shut up Owen! How’d it go?
*Jack and Ianto looked at each other*
Jack: Don’t ask!
Ianto: Well, Jack slept with my parents and we found Torchwood 4!
Gwen/Owen/Tosh: What?!?
Jack: It was a long time ago!
Ianto: Remember his story about the executioners? How he ended up in bed with them both?
Tosh: It wasn’t?
Ianto: Oh, it was.
Owen: I’ve heard of keeping it in the family but..
Jack: Shut up Owen!
*By this point Jack was turning deep red and heading for his office.*
Jack: Ok, Meeting, in the boardroom in 20 minutes. Ianto; Coffee would be good right about now.
*And with this Jack went and sat in his office willing his face to return to it normal shade*
Jack meets Ianto parents, And discovers something he never though he would.
Jack/Ianto.
Co-written with Ashley Bhalla. Aka anduria-trianys.
Disclaimer: Neither of us own anything.. Exept the made up Characters of TW4.
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