5 Reasons Why Social Networking Websites Are Evil
5 Reasons Why Social Networking Websites Are Evil
Are you a member of Myspace? Perhaps Facebook? Maybe you even have a Twitter account that you only use when you're inebriated. Most likely you have have all three opened right this moment as you read this, all in their separate tabs as you violently hit the refresh button. Social networking sites like these are slowly closing in on the one sole reason we used to use our web browsers, that is, porn. You know what all these websites have in common though? They suck big bags of smelly cocks.
1.It Has Become Socially Acceptable To Be A Douchebag
For example take a quick look at your profile or any profile on Myspace for that matter. They may ask you to list your favorite musical artists, activities that you enjoy in your time away from the computer, your heroes (what the fuck does that even mean?), a quick and no doubt boring synopsis of your life so far, and maybe a couple of profile photos. Or seventy. Either way there is one reoccurring theme among these sites in which you build an online avatar and persona, and that is bold faced narcissism. Hey fucktard, do you think your taste in music is totally, friggin', wicked elite? Well guess what idiot, I just so happen to HATE Green Day and everything they stand for and I'm going to let everyone on the goddamn Internet know! Now there's nothing wrong with hating Green Day, in fact it's completely healthy to hate them, but online networking sites like myspace practically encourage people to be as obnoxious as they want by not filtering or editing a damn thing that gets posted. How many times have you read, I'm completely unique, a little random, and my taste in music is totally superior to yours, on someone's web profile? Websites like these don't know the meaning of censorship and it unfortunately has been working to their favor, as these places have flourished over anything remotely intelligent on the web (is that an oxymoron?). Say whatever you want whenever you want to, post photos that would get a pedophile arrested quicker than you can say 'LOLZ', and generally just be an outright asshole with no real consequence. I mean, that's what the Internet is for, right?
2.Take Everything You've Ever Learned About The English Language, Then Proceed To Shit All Over It
When was the last time you read something really engaging and informative? Chances are it wasn't on the Internet (certainly not this blog), and may have been printed in physical text possibly in the form of a newspaper or book. That's not to say that the Internet is void of any real intellectual properties, but we're talking about social networking sites remember? Now try to think of the last time you read something on one of those sites that was halfway intelligent, actually to be fair, try to remember the last time you read something on one of those sites that was a complete sentence. Can't remember, can you? You see, there is a magical force out there that only rears its ugly head when people hit that 'log in' button. This mysterious phenomena causes people to forget simple spelling, basic grammar, any form of good manners, and generally just microwaves people's brains to the point where, 'LOLZ OMFG Ur facE Iz GEY' becomes an acceptable use of language. Just because you're in an environment where there aren't any real consequences and the hot chick your chatting with may in fact be a 300 pound 45 year old that's into furries behind the screen, doesn't mean you have to take a 4 century old language and tear it the fuck apart. It should be mandatory for all these sites to spell-fucking-check the shit out of everything before anything is posted, as an attempt to make the stupid people look less stupid. Then again, 'Laugh out loud, oh my fucking God your face is gay' doesn't add to any semblance of intelligence that these people are trying to not convey.
3.The People You Meet Online Are ALWAYS As Exciting In Real Life As They Are In Pixel-form
Imagine this scenario if you will. You check your awesome profile page, as you always do after getting off work at the meat processing factory, only to find that HOLY SHIT you have a new friend request. Eagerly opening the enclosed email you discover that xXLolliPOP69SEXx wants to be YOUR friend. So instinctively you accept said request and proceed to browse her intriguing and unsurprisingly bland profile page. You soon discover she's is into the same music groups as you, reads the same books, and you're both into mutual no-strings-attached sodomy. It's too good to be true! So you both exchange AIM screen names and possibly phone numbers (holy balls dude you sure have got some stones) and begin to chat it up. After a month or so, depending on your level of patience and/or sperm count, you decide it's time to meet up in REAL LIFE! Deciding the local Starbucks is the best place to do so, because Hard Candy is both of your favorite movies of all time, you set out on the venture of meeting your soul mate. Unfortunately for you the reality is that she is actually a narcissistic, dull, hollow shell of a human being, or better case a man with excellent grooming skills. Your hopes and dreams are shattered, leaving you to believe that the only way to end this embarrassment is with the swift deletion of your online account or suicide. You may not be surprised to have figured out that people do, in fact, lie when hiding behind a computer screen. A lot. There is no 'honesty clause' in the terms and agreements you committed to when you made your profile. That goes for the other guy too. Social networking sites practically invite liars and shitheads alike to their website, giving them the VIP treatment once they're there. That's life!
4.Electronically Interact with People You Wanted To Murder In High School!
I suppose this bullet is aimed at Facebook more specifically than the rest but it could happen anywhere. You weren't the most popular kid in high school because no such person exists, and if you claim to be then fuck you for all those goddamn swirlies. The wonderful thing about your Internet profile is that, most of the time, anyone and their fat mom can read it, point, and laugh. Wow, they'd say, you're an alcoholic 22 year old single male that works at Target and you write a pointless blog that no one will ever read? Oh, and you're Asian? Jeez, that is just pathetic. Now imagine your worst enemy in high school reading about the all new you, and instead of instilling within him or her a sense of hatred and eagerness to give you more swirlies, it inspires humility and joy. The person that made your high school career hell on Earth is now trying to talk to you, leave cute comments, and maybe even attempting at a future friendship. These people don't realize one minor detail though, and that is, fuck you. Just because you found me on the Internet and we graduated nearly 5 years ago doesn't mean I want to know you. In a word, leave me the hell alone you douche wanks.
5.The Rise Of The Machines
There is one great thing about social networking websites. Do you know what that is? You are no longer forced to interact with any real people anymore other than the occasional 'reply to comment'. But that is all at your discretion. Gone are the days of being in real world situations with people that make you uncomfortable or uneasy or that are just plain annoying. Now you can choose your friends! When was that ever an option in real life? As a youngster I was friends with the kid down the street that didnt know how to tie his shoes and ate his own boogers because our mom's introduced us, not because we had a choice. And guess what? It wasn't so bad, although we are no longer friends due to the fact he went to prison for killing his entire family, but it was real. Hell, now if we chose to we wouldn't even have to leave our houses other than to get more beer and hookers. This latest trend is leading our youth into a future of mindless, vulgar, socially stunted, Myspace-zombie fuck wads. If we don't stop these websites soon, the next thing we know, we'll be surrounded by people that don't know the first things about human interaction, acceptable social manners and-Oh holy shit hold on one second I have like 5 new friend requests and new photo comments.
Are you a member of Myspace? Perhaps Facebook? Maybe you even have a Twitter account that you only use when you're inebriated. Most likely you have have all three opened right this moment as you read this, all in their separate tabs as you violently hit the refresh button. Social networking sites like these are slowly closing in on the one sole reason we used to use our web browsers, that is, porn. You know what all these websites have in common though? They suck big bags of smelly cocks.
1.It Has Become Socially Acceptable To Be A Douchebag
For example take a quick look at your profile or any profile on Myspace for that matter. They may ask you to list your favorite musical artists, activities that you enjoy in your time away from the computer, your heroes (what the fuck does that even mean?), a quick and no doubt boring synopsis of your life so far, and maybe a couple of profile photos. Or seventy. Either way there is one reoccurring theme among these sites in which you build an online avatar and persona, and that is bold faced narcissism. Hey fucktard, do you think your taste in music is totally, friggin', wicked elite? Well guess what idiot, I just so happen to HATE Green Day and everything they stand for and I'm going to let everyone on the goddamn Internet know! Now there's nothing wrong with hating Green Day, in fact it's completely healthy to hate them, but online networking sites like myspace practically encourage people to be as obnoxious as they want by not filtering or editing a damn thing that gets posted. How many times have you read, I'm completely unique, a little random, and my taste in music is totally superior to yours, on someone's web profile? Websites like these don't know the meaning of censorship and it unfortunately has been working to their favor, as these places have flourished over anything remotely intelligent on the web (is that an oxymoron?). Say whatever you want whenever you want to, post photos that would get a pedophile arrested quicker than you can say 'LOLZ', and generally just be an outright asshole with no real consequence. I mean, that's what the Internet is for, right?
2.Take Everything You've Ever Learned About The English Language, Then Proceed To Shit All Over It
When was the last time you read something really engaging and informative? Chances are it wasn't on the Internet (certainly not this blog), and may have been printed in physical text possibly in the form of a newspaper or book. That's not to say that the Internet is void of any real intellectual properties, but we're talking about social networking sites remember? Now try to think of the last time you read something on one of those sites that was halfway intelligent, actually to be fair, try to remember the last time you read something on one of those sites that was a complete sentence. Can't remember, can you? You see, there is a magical force out there that only rears its ugly head when people hit that 'log in' button. This mysterious phenomena causes people to forget simple spelling, basic grammar, any form of good manners, and generally just microwaves people's brains to the point where, 'LOLZ OMFG Ur facE Iz GEY' becomes an acceptable use of language. Just because you're in an environment where there aren't any real consequences and the hot chick your chatting with may in fact be a 300 pound 45 year old that's into furries behind the screen, doesn't mean you have to take a 4 century old language and tear it the fuck apart. It should be mandatory for all these sites to spell-fucking-check the shit out of everything before anything is posted, as an attempt to make the stupid people look less stupid. Then again, 'Laugh out loud, oh my fucking God your face is gay' doesn't add to any semblance of intelligence that these people are trying to not convey.
3.The People You Meet Online Are ALWAYS As Exciting In Real Life As They Are In Pixel-form
Imagine this scenario if you will. You check your awesome profile page, as you always do after getting off work at the meat processing factory, only to find that HOLY SHIT you have a new friend request. Eagerly opening the enclosed email you discover that xXLolliPOP69SEXx wants to be YOUR friend. So instinctively you accept said request and proceed to browse her intriguing and unsurprisingly bland profile page. You soon discover she's is into the same music groups as you, reads the same books, and you're both into mutual no-strings-attached sodomy. It's too good to be true! So you both exchange AIM screen names and possibly phone numbers (holy balls dude you sure have got some stones) and begin to chat it up. After a month or so, depending on your level of patience and/or sperm count, you decide it's time to meet up in REAL LIFE! Deciding the local Starbucks is the best place to do so, because Hard Candy is both of your favorite movies of all time, you set out on the venture of meeting your soul mate. Unfortunately for you the reality is that she is actually a narcissistic, dull, hollow shell of a human being, or better case a man with excellent grooming skills. Your hopes and dreams are shattered, leaving you to believe that the only way to end this embarrassment is with the swift deletion of your online account or suicide. You may not be surprised to have figured out that people do, in fact, lie when hiding behind a computer screen. A lot. There is no 'honesty clause' in the terms and agreements you committed to when you made your profile. That goes for the other guy too. Social networking sites practically invite liars and shitheads alike to their website, giving them the VIP treatment once they're there. That's life!
4.Electronically Interact with People You Wanted To Murder In High School!
I suppose this bullet is aimed at Facebook more specifically than the rest but it could happen anywhere. You weren't the most popular kid in high school because no such person exists, and if you claim to be then fuck you for all those goddamn swirlies. The wonderful thing about your Internet profile is that, most of the time, anyone and their fat mom can read it, point, and laugh. Wow, they'd say, you're an alcoholic 22 year old single male that works at Target and you write a pointless blog that no one will ever read? Oh, and you're Asian? Jeez, that is just pathetic. Now imagine your worst enemy in high school reading about the all new you, and instead of instilling within him or her a sense of hatred and eagerness to give you more swirlies, it inspires humility and joy. The person that made your high school career hell on Earth is now trying to talk to you, leave cute comments, and maybe even attempting at a future friendship. These people don't realize one minor detail though, and that is, fuck you. Just because you found me on the Internet and we graduated nearly 5 years ago doesn't mean I want to know you. In a word, leave me the hell alone you douche wanks.
5.The Rise Of The Machines
There is one great thing about social networking websites. Do you know what that is? You are no longer forced to interact with any real people anymore other than the occasional 'reply to comment'. But that is all at your discretion. Gone are the days of being in real world situations with people that make you uncomfortable or uneasy or that are just plain annoying. Now you can choose your friends! When was that ever an option in real life? As a youngster I was friends with the kid down the street that didnt know how to tie his shoes and ate his own boogers because our mom's introduced us, not because we had a choice. And guess what? It wasn't so bad, although we are no longer friends due to the fact he went to prison for killing his entire family, but it was real. Hell, now if we chose to we wouldn't even have to leave our houses other than to get more beer and hookers. This latest trend is leading our youth into a future of mindless, vulgar, socially stunted, Myspace-zombie fuck wads. If we don't stop these websites soon, the next thing we know, we'll be surrounded by people that don't know the first things about human interaction, acceptable social manners and-Oh holy shit hold on one second I have like 5 new friend requests and new photo comments.