Living arrangements
I don't really live alone but since my son spends around 99% of time in his room, I may as well be here by myself....
However.
When I was married and shared my home, I used to go to bed early. I've come to realise that I did so, not because I needed the sleep, but because I needed to have that time by myself where I could drift away into my own thoughts without pressure to be doing anything else. Since the separation and subsequent divorce, I now stay up quite late and quite enjoy having that extra time in my day to absorb information and explore new things.
Don't get me wrong, I quite liked having someone to share with and I hope that one day, sharing a home will happen again because, I like the idea that there will be someone to come home to and that there will be someone who wants to come home to me. I'd love to have someone close enough to bitch about the gas bill with and complain to about the bacon going off. Someone who is there for all the life shit as well as all the high points. But, I've also come to realise that I need my own space.
I need room where I can withdraw to be me. I need a place within that home or a time and space within a partnership that is truly mine. A place where I can just breathe and make a mess and sing, dance and just be me.
Is this kind of Utopia even possible within a relationship?
I certainly hope so.