(no subject)
Amor Vincit Omnia
Summary: Love overcomes all things. Sometimes
A/N: Specially written for lab_brat after reading her Christmas List meme.
If the tenses seem out of whack, then I apologise; I have checked them over, but I don't have a beta at the moment.
x x x x x x
"...for now the thought of both lost happiness and lasting pain torments him; round he throws his baleful eyes, That witnessed huge affliction and dismay..."
John Milton, Paradise Lost
x x x x x x
He could think of the reasons then.
They were unavoidable; denting his sanity, and plaguing every moment he spent with her; every look and every smile seemed...less. Those voices would snipe and remind him of why it was wrong, why he shouldn't have touched her skin in reverie and why he had to remind himself that she was young, too young for him.
Her living room, the infirmary, the stationary closet. The Air-Force assigned car and the Alpha Site. He seemed to remember all those moments, every fumbled goodbye and every wistful daydream. Smiling uncomfortably at each other in the commissary, sitting down to Jello, after being intimately acquainted only a few minutes earlier, and she having to dodge awkward questions about her love life from his own daughter.
It had started innocently enough, arranging a meal between himself and Sam to try and keep some kind of grasp on what his daughter was doing. But inevitably one of her lab technicians required her for "essential maintanence" of the gate, and all plans were suddenly out of the window.
"I'm sorry Dad," She had apologised, "I can't leave Siler on his own..." She trailed off, looking expectantly at him to forgive her. He had waved it away with a brush of his hand, feeling at a loose end already and he had the rest of the night to kill. "Why don't you go with Janet?" Sam looked up from the experiment she was fiddling with, "Cassie's at a friend's place tonight and I don't think she has anything else on..."
"I don't think so..."
"Why not?" Sam questioned, her brow furrowing slightly. He wondered whether it was the experiment or him that was causing it.
"We barely know each other," Jacob reminded her, "And what makes you think she'd want to go anyway? I'm sure she has something far more interesting to do."
"Dad, it's one of the best restaurants in town. Why the heck wouldn't she want to go?" Sam countered before practically shooing him out of her lab and ordering him, in her best "I'm a Major and you'll do as I say cadet" voice, to ask Janet to accompany him to Lucio's Bistro.
Eventually he plucked up enough courage, and supressed enough dignity, to stroll into the infirmary and oh-so casually suggest that in the absence of both their daughters, would she like to dine with him? In reality, he had fumbled over some of the words and glared at two gossiping nurses looking in their direction. She looked surprised, but accepted regardlessly and a smile spread over her face. It was then he realised how much he enjoyed watching her.
The dinner had been difficult at first; they talked over each other whilst they gave their orders to the waiter, and he chose white wine when she prefered red. Conversation lulled after pleasantries;
"How's Cassie?"
"She's fine. How are the Tok'ra?"
"They're fine too."
But once he'd begun to commiserate over his daughter's workaholic tendencies, Janet began telling him her own experiences with Sam's work addiction and how she'd found her asleep at her desk with post-it notes stuck to her forehead. And he learnt far more about his daughter from Janet in five minutes than he would from Sam in five days. She told him about Cassie and her ex-husband who, he'd remarked with a barely concealed smile, sounded like an idiot. She agreed. He even found himself telling Janet about Marie and the loss he'd felt, and suddenly there was a warm hand on his own.
The next day before he shipped out back to the Alpha Site where Malek was no doubt waiting impatiently for his return, he kissed his daughter goodbye.
"I feel guilty about last night..." She told him as they walked towards the Embarkation room through the maze of corridors, and he fiddled with his Tok'ra uniform, "Janet didn't really mention anything about it, did you have a nice time?"
He walked her to the door, breathing in the deep and dark air. Nothing in the world could ever match a star-filled night on Earth, no matter how many planets he went to, he couldn't imagine anything changing that. He took a look at her house which was much like Sam's from the outside; homely and well-kept. It reminded him of the place he had shared with Marie and the kids.
She searched through her bag for her keys, having slight difficult with sliding the key into the lock without any light. "I didn't realise it was so late..." Janet commented, taking a glance at the clock once she'd finally opened the door "I should probably let you get back to base. Are they expecting you back already?"
He shrugged his shoulders, "Probably. I can't imagine they want an alien like me to run loose for too long."
She smiled, her grin aimed at the floor before she directed her gaze to his eyes, "I had a really good night." She sighed, "Much nicer than staying in on my own with a bottle of wine."
"I know what that feels like. I think the commissary staff are fed up of my company now with the amount of times my daughter's cancelled dinner dates."
"Really?" She questioned, "You should have invited me then too....wouldn't mind being taken to the most expensive restaurant in town..." Janet added with a smile, as she stood on the threshold of the front door.
"I'll keep that in mind. Now that I know you better." He told her, sighing internally at the thoughts of this sounding, and feeling, remarkably like the end of a date. "I better go..." He indicated towards the general direction of the mountain. Leaning forward, he placed a kiss on her cheek, dangerously close to her lips. "I'll see you tomorrow Doctor." He smiled before turning to walk back to the Air-Force assigned car sitting at the bottom of the path.
He inserted the key into the door, turning it slowly. Before he knew what had happened, his back was against the car door and his lips were attached to those of one Janet Fraiser. She pulled away for a few seconds, sheepishly smiling; with the moonlight shining down on them she had taken on the appearance of an angel in suburbia. "Sorry," She apologised, "I had to do that."
"Dad?" Sam had questioned again, shaking his shoulder slightly.
"Huh?" Jacob replied, lost in a daydream.
"Did you have a good time with Janet?" She repeated, nodding formally to a passing airman and then turning her attention back to her father.
"Oh," Jacob had smiled slightly, "Yeah. I did."
Of course he'd thought about her in his quiet moments on the Alpha site once he'd returned, co-ordinating relations with Bra'tac as they tried to dampen the few tensions between their brothers. He replayed snippets of conversation they'd had and smiled to himself, causing the other Tok'ra to stare confusedly in his direction. His constant companion had kept a low profile during those moments, aware of the need for privacy for both of them.
It had been two weeks after his dinner date with the doctor that SG-1 and Janet journeyed through to the Alpha site to check up on proceedings on the planet, and to escape the base for a few days. He rose from the rickety table he'd been eating at to see his daughter and the CMO appear on the horizon, laughing about something he wasn't party to. And it was that which sent warning messages in his head, reminding him of the precarious situation he was now in. Janet Fraiser whilst being an attractive, adult woman was the age of his daughter, his little girl, and Sam's best friend. An ageing father with a lustful crush on his daughter's closest girlfriend was not the cliche he wanted to be.
So he politely excused himself whenever she appeared with full of bounding enthusiasm that seemed to fade as the days passed, and he avoided even mentioning her name, sometimes referring to her as just "she". He wanted to explain, to tell her that whatever he'd imagined for them wouldn't, couldn't happen for both their sakes. What would Sam think? And Cassie?
SG-1 had left the Alpha site seventy two hours later with Dr Fraiser in tow, and he'd kissed his daughter goodbye and avoided anything close to being construed as eye contact with the Medical Officer. Before she'd walked through the wormhole, being the last to leave, she looked back at him with a small smile, an appeal for connection. He couldn't do anything to stop himself but return it.
The next time he was on Earth, the routine was much the same. He'd tracked his daughter down before being told the Major was due on a mission, albeit a safe one, and wasn't going to be available for the next week. Standing in Sam's lab, twenty eight levels under the ground he pondered what he was going to occupy himself with until Thursday when he'd arranged to fly to San Diego to see Mark and the kids.
His feet had answered for him, taking him directly to the infirmary, standing outside with a somewhat startled expression once he realised where he was. A nurse, loaded down with supplies, gave him an odd look, evidently wondering what the Tok'ra was doing standing in the middle of the doorway.
"General Carter, can I help you?" The nurse announced loudly, and several nurses inside the infirmary turned round at the sound of her voice.
"Shhh," He waved with his hand, resisting the urge to glare at her. The nurse looked at him blankly before raising her eyebrow in question of why she was required to be silent, "I'm talking to Selmak..." He tapped the side of his head, and her expression changed to that of slight shock.
"Oh..." She said, swallowing nervously, "I'll, uh, leave you to it." She hurried inside, practically sprinting away from him.
Nice to know I'm good for something Jacob
He ignored his companion's retort as he stalked into the infirmary, his eyes scanning for any sign of Janet. Another nurse, thankfully not the one he'd frightened, approached. "Can I help you General?"
"Is Dr Fraiser about?"
The unnamed nurse shook her head, "I haven't seen her, but..." Her eyes then drifted towards a point over his shoulder, "Doctor..." She answered primly and Jacob turned round to see the less than impressed face of Janet. He heard the nurse behind him scuttle away, her heels clicking hurriedly on the linoleum floor.
"Is there something you want?" She asked, brushing past him towards the far side of the infirmary.
"I wondered whether you wanted to go to dinner with me again..."
An eyebrow lifted in a manner scarily reminscent of Teal'c, "You think I would want to spend time with you after the Alpha site?" She shook her head with a small laugh, "I don't think so."
"Think of it as an apology." Jacob paused, making sure that the nurses were out of earshot, "For me being an ass."
That had seemed to convince her more, and she looked at him from the corner of her eyes, "Fine," She replied somewhat grudgingly, "Where and when?"
"I'll pick you up from your house."
"Very gentlemanly."
"I can be one on occasions you know."
They never made it to dinner. Cassie had prolonged her fight with her mother about how long she could stay out, hence they missed the reservation at Lucio's.
"I'm sorry," Janet announced apologetically, "That reservation must have taken a while to get,"
"It did but it doesn't matter," Jacob sat down on the couch that was in front of the television, "I wanted to spend time with you. Here or at the restaurant; it doesn't matter." Janet seemed dumbstruck by his words, before a smile grew on her lips, "Now do you want Mexican or Chinese?"
He would have treasured those moments for so much longer if he'd known. He would have taken the time to watch her smile, and listen to her voice when she laughed. Maybe he would have watched her work, saving lives every day.
And he wouldn't have regretted any of it. No more second thoughts about how it would seem to other people or how Sam would feel.
"Are we ever going to tell her?"
"I want to," Jacob's voice rumbled in his chest with Janet's head lain upon it, "She's my daughter and I want her to be a part of my life, a part of this."
"I hate lying to her," Janet moved to look at Jacob's face, "Sam's the closest friend I've ever had, and I hate covering this up."
"I know," He stroked her hair, his eyes firmly fixed on the brightening sky outside the room as the sun rose, "I know."
He had been pretty certain that Cassie had guessed their relationship after he'd come over for the fifth time in so many days when the Tok'ra were having a "slow week". She'd carefully vacated the living room and then given her mom what could only be interpreted as a knowing wink. Janet had relaxed so much more that night, content in the fact that her daughter, the most important person in her life, accepted the relationship. That could only mean a more positive reaction from Sam.
"This weekend then?" He said, gripping her hand within his own.
"Yep," Janet replied, letting go of a breath she didn't know she was holding. They walked a few more paces down the deserted corridor before she spoke again, "She's going to be alright with it isn't she?"
"I'm sure she will be," Jacob told her reassuringly despite the doubts in her own mind, "Don't worry about a thing."
He had prepared himself for whatever response they receieved. Whatever Sam would react with; sadness, anger, delight, amusement, he had it all prepared in his mind. He had been sitting in his daughter's living room, playing with the tie he was wearing awkwardly round his neck, unused to being so constrained. The phone had rung and he presumed it was probably Janet double checking the arrangements, and the plan.
"Dad can you get it for me?" Sam had shouted down the stairs, and he'd moved towards the handset, picking it up with a smile, expecting to hear Janet's voice on the line.
"Hello?"
"Jacob is that you?" A teary voice had asked on the other end of the line followed by sniffles.
"Cassie?" He questioned, fear rising in his throat, "Is everything OK?"
Upon those words he heard crying and a desperate attempt to restrain tears so she could form words, "It's mom..." She managed to say, "Please come to the hospital, it's mom."
They raced to the hospital, dodging cars and no doubt crossing red lights but it didn't make a difference. They didn't get there in time to say goodbye.
It was a year, he thought sitting on the doorstep of her house with the voices of Sam and Cassie inside, a year since she'd died. The police had chased after the driver who'd hit her and he was serving a sentence in jail. But there was no consolation; she was dead and he'd never got the chance to tell her he loved her. It had all come to such an abrupt end. She'd left a grieving daughter and distraught friends, and him. Alone.
He could think of the reasons then.
Now, he struggled to think of one.
The End