239/240: Sometime in the wee hours of the morning. Pun intended.
Janet had avoided answering her phone all yesterday. The caller ID read 'Murray' each and every time, and she'd let it go to voice mail. Today, though, was not a day to avoid Teal'c. Also, he'd been calling every hour since 3 a.m., and she was going to have to pick up soon. Mostly because she needed to sleep since she had a final at 8:00 a.m. today, and she was slightly hungover, and the only way to shut Teal'c up was to answer the damn phone.
OOC: Daniel and Liz modded with permission. Being on the phone is OK for broadcast; the contents and callers are not. Open for interaction after the calls are done. And this was supposed to go up last night, but OMG LJ is evil.
Janet sat up, groggy, and reached blindly for her phone. After dropping it and scrabbling around on the floor in the dark to pick it up, she flipped it open and crankily blearily answered it. "What?"
"Dr. Fraiser. I am most concerned about an e-mail received from Dr. Jackson regarding the events of this weekend. Are you well?"
Janet groaned. "He didn't! He did, didn't he? I'm going to kill him." Not to mention that Sam and Liz were going to kill him too.
She could hear his disapproval in the brief silence over the phone. "Given all your endeavors to assure Dr. Jackson's continual well-being, I find it surprising that you wish to commit such an act," was all Teal'c said.
"Yeah, well, you didn't just get your tiny and wee self tattled on by your--" Oh, damn, she nearly said 'boyfriend' there. "Friend."
"I am aware of the nature of your relationship with Daniel Jackson," said Teal'c. Only a Jaffa getting revenge for some unknown slight could sound that smug.
"You what?" Immediate facepalm. And possible demonstration of language completely inappropriate for a girl of sixteen, which, thankfully, Janet really wasn't.
"You sound upset, Dr. Fraiser," said Teal'c, even more smug than before, if that was possible.
"Someday," vowed Janet. "I am going to have you in an infirmary, and I'm going to be performing a check-up on you that you'll never forget, not for the rest of your life. How'd you find out?"
"Daniel Jackson became inebriated one night and revealed the information to me." Really, really smug. And he felt safe, obviously, since he was in Colorado in another universe right now.
In lieu of thwacking her forehead into a desk, Janet decided that the headboard of her bed would work out just fine. "Ow."
"Are you well, Janet Fraiser? Daniel Jackson also informed me that the fingerpainting of his newly-redecorated walls and of his glasses was, in fact, nothing compared to the 'fascinating and illogical' way that you rearranged his artifacts."
Okay, they were inside. But a stray bolt of lightning might still strike her dead at any minute. "Teal'c, I was six. For the entire weekend. And then I went out drinking the night before night." Janet rolled her eyes. It wasn't as if he didn't know her well enough to picture her expression, after all. "Do you think I'm well? Or am I maybe getting woken up every damn hour by your phone calls when I have a final in the morning!"
Oh, damn. She hadn't meant to snap at him. Cue one Jaffa guilt trip, starting--
--now.
"I merely wish to ascertain whether you are in need of assistance," said Teal'c. "As a concerned friend." He paused. "A concerned friend who has heard how adorable you were as a child and wishes to obtain photographic evidence.
"You aren't calling General Hammond," said Janet. "Teal'c--"
"General Hammond has been briefed on the situation," said Teal'c calmly.
"You told General Hammond I was six years old for the weekend?" shrieked Janet, trying to facepalm and flail and headdesk all at once, and instead just falling off the bed with a loud thud. "Ouch. Again." Janet glanced guiltily over at Liz, who was thankfully, still sleeping soundly. Somehow.
After successfully keeping the zombies, snow monsters, Darla's attack, study group, and just about everything else from everyone back home, why does being six for two lousy days have to be the one thing that they all find out about?
"What did I ever do to you that was so bad, Teal'c?" asked Janet plaintively.
"Are you well, Janet Fraiser?" This time his voice was full of concern for her.
Janet didn't often let herself think of why every single person she knew from before had continual bouts of overprotectiveness. "I'm fine, Teal'c," she said gently. "I promise."
"Very well," he said. She could practically hear him inclining his head. "However, should you ever be in need of assistance--"
"--then I'll call," finished Janet. "Thanks, Teal'c."
"Until later, then," said Teal'c. "I wish you the best of luck with finals."
"I'll need it," said Janet, facepalming again. She still had to finish that damn assignment. "Goodbye."
Janet flipped her phone shut, found her ibuprofin and took a triple dose, then booted up her laptop, and started working on her essay. If she hurried, she could get the last three pages done quickly. She hoped--since she didn't think "I was wee all weekend" would be a good excuse.
***
Later that morning, not so early--but still too early, her phone rang again. "Damn," muttered Janet.
"Dr. Fraiser." Oh, God, it was that voice. The one usually reserved for Colonel O'Neill or Daniel on their particularly difficult to deal with days.
"General Hammond," said Janet, wincing as her falsely cheerful--and loud--greeting set her hangover going again. "How are you today, sir?
"I'm afraid I'm getting some very disturbing reports about the events of the weekend, Dr. Fraiser," said General Hammond. "Would you care to explain?"
"Not really, sir," said Janet.
"I don't particularly care whether you want to or not, Doctor," said General Hammond sharply. Great. "Enlighten me anyway."
"I was six for the entire weekend, sir. Do you blame me for not wanting to discuss it?
"I don't care if you want to discuss it or not. I need to know if this is something that's going to affect your health, the health of the other individuals stationed out there, or the safety and security of the planet!"
Janet mentally ticked off the points on the Is General Hammond Really Angry? Scale that she and Jack had created one night when they were both on duty and the world hadn't been ending. They'd been really bored and a little too tired--and even without seeing General Hammond, she knew that she'd made him hit a perfect ten on the scale. Loud voice, red face, perspiration around the forehead, leaning forward, and a very angry expression. Mention of the safety and security of the planet was a big one.
"Well, Doctor," said General Hammond. "I'm waiting."
Janet rolled her eyes. "Sir, if it were something that were going to affect the planet, I'd have called you as soon as I were capable of it. Or Daniel would have, since he was capable of it the entire weekend. Not to mention anyone else around here that has the safety of Earth as one of their primary concerns." She paused, trying to calm herself down. "It was a localized event affecting the students at this school. I mean, for crying out loud, you weren't this upset about the zombies!"
"Zombies," said General Hammond. He was quieter now. "And when, exactly, did you encounter zombies, Doctor?"
Oh, hell. "You didn't know about the zombies, General?" asked Janet. Politely.
"What else don't I know about?" General Hammond was probably way past a ten on the Is He Really Angry? Scale by now, judging by just how quiet he'd gotten.
"Nothing you really need to know about," muttered Janet.
"What else aren't you telling me?" He paused, waiting, then added, "That's an order, doctor."
"What, besides the hordes of flesh-eating zombies that attacked the school last October, or the vampire that lives next door, or the vampire they had as a teacher? Did you check out the faculty list, sir, or did you just let Mackenzie look at the brochures and recommend this place?" Janet rolled her eyes again and continued on. "There's also the snow monsters, the weekend everyone randomly broke out into song, the weetiny bunnies hopping all over the island, and the week we all developed the most ridiculous and inane super powers ever!" Also, I'm dating Daniel, but I'm hoping you don't find out about that for a very long time. "General, I think turning six for a weekend is the least of our worries."
"Just what kind of a school we send you all to, Janet?" he asked, less angry and slightly more concerned-sounding.
"Possibly the one school out there we wouldn't go completely nuts at," said Janet. "Given how far from normal it is."
"Janet, the idea is to protect those of you who're there," he said quietly. "Not to expose you to more danger."
"I can't speak for all of us here at this school, but I'm a little tired of being protected when I'm a perfectly capable, adult woman who's not being allowed to contribute what she has to offer."
"Janet, in your case especially--"
"You can't protect me from everything, sir," said Janet quietly.
"We can damn well try," said the General, his voice full of regret. "No one wants--"
"I'm a soldier and a doctor. Not just a doctor." Janet took a deep breath. "I joined the military to pay for medical school. I stayed in the military--and at the SGC--because I believe in what we were trying to do. Sir, I knew there were risks. I accepted them. And yes, I died. But you can't wrap any of us in cotton by depositing us in high school in another universe and hoping we don't break."
General Hammond was quiet for a long time on the phone. "I sent you to that high school not just because I needed to find a way to keep you out of trouble, Janet." She bit back a quiet laugh at that and let him continue. "I hope that some day you all find your way back to the SGC. If something happens to the rest of us, you'll still--"
"Nothing is going to happen to any of you, sir," said Janet firmly. "Unless there's another something you're not telling us."
"No, Janet, nothing like that," said General Hammond, sighing. "Just the simple fact of time passing. Please inform Dr. Weir that Atlantis is perfectly fine, as is Colonel Caldwell."
There was nothing quite like laying a well-deserved guilt trip. "I'll let her know, sir. Thank you, General Hammond."
"Any time, Janet. I'll let you go study for those finals, then." He paused. "And Dr. Fraiser? Do try to write more frequently."
Damn. Caught. "I will, sir."
Janet hung up her phone and went back to studying.
***
Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, her phone rang again. She was going to kill Daniel first. Then Teal'c. Not General Hammond, though. And she was giving serious consideration to killing whoever was calling now.
"Hello?"
"Dr. Fraiser?"
"Thor?" Janet boggled at her phone. "You have this number? And you can call from space?"
"Yes, Doctor. I have heard some slightly disturbing reports of recent age regression in your cloned body recently. Is everything all right?"
Teal'c was so, so very dead. "I'm fine, Thor," said Janet.
"But your body and emotional development were both regressed to the age of six for a period of two full days." Thor sounded as puzzled as an Asgard could sound. "And you are now 'fine?'"
"I'm back to normal. I think that constitutes fine, yes. But thank you for your concern."
She was going to kill Daniel. Several times.
"I would not wish to hear that there had been any problems with your cloned form," said Thor. "And I wished to ascertain that you were well. General Hammond indicted that you 'did not write.'" He went silent. "It has come to my attention that you had previously been working on the issue of genetic drift in cloned forms."
Janet facepalmed. "I'll write! I told him I'd write! And yes." She looked suspiciously at the phone. "Why? Also, no, there were no problems! It happened to all the students, whether they were clones or not."
"I am relieved to hear that you and the other students are well, Dr. Fraiser. As to your research, I had wondered if you had been able to continue those studies in your new body with the equipment available at this place called High School," said Thor. "Apparently Heimdall thought that there were some promising leads in the data which you had sent."
"The last bit of research I sent was over two years ago, Thor," said Janet. "I've been a little busy since then. But I have tried to make some progress with the limited facilities available to me."
"I do sometimes forget that Tau'ri culture does not allow for the existence of clones," said Thor. "Are you experiencing many difficulties at this High School Base where you have been assigned?"
"Only the usual," said Janet. Well, the usual for her included the severely abnormal, so it wasn't as if she was lying. "The equipment here isn't as good as the equipment at the SGC."
"It has been mentioned to me by General O'Neill that the phenomenon known as 'dorm food' is a singularly unpleasant one," said Thor. "Would you like me to send you some of our food cubes? Perhaps Colonel Carter has informed you that I find the yellow ones particularly appetizing."
Must not laugh. Must not laugh. Must not laugh at the incredibly ancient, advanced being that is our species' ally. Must not-- Janet grinned instead, choking back a bubble of laughter. "Thanks for the offer, Thor, but I've got my own supplies of food here.
"You are quite welcome, Doctor," he said. "It is my sincere hope that we will see you at Colonel Carter's wedding this June. While we understand that for reasons of national security, we may not attend, we hope to be watching from orbit. Heimdall mentioned the possibility of attending for reasons of 'talking science.'"
"I think I'm required to be there," said Janet slowly. "And tell Heimdall I look forward to seeing--" Him? Her? It? "--to having a chat."
"I will do so, Doctor," said Thor. "Until later, then."
"I'll talk to you later, Thor."
That was possibly the most surreal phone conversation she'd ever had.
Janet quickly turned off her cell phone before any more calls could come in. With her luck, Mackenzie would call next. Or McKay. Or someone else equally annoying or ridiculous.
OOC: Daniel and Liz modded with permission. Being on the phone is OK for broadcast; the contents and callers are not. Open for interaction after the calls are done. And this was supposed to go up last night, but OMG LJ is evil.
Janet sat up, groggy, and reached blindly for her phone. After dropping it and scrabbling around on the floor in the dark to pick it up, she flipped it open and crankily blearily answered it. "What?"
"Dr. Fraiser. I am most concerned about an e-mail received from Dr. Jackson regarding the events of this weekend. Are you well?"
Janet groaned. "He didn't! He did, didn't he? I'm going to kill him." Not to mention that Sam and Liz were going to kill him too.
She could hear his disapproval in the brief silence over the phone. "Given all your endeavors to assure Dr. Jackson's continual well-being, I find it surprising that you wish to commit such an act," was all Teal'c said.
"Yeah, well, you didn't just get your tiny and wee self tattled on by your--" Oh, damn, she nearly said 'boyfriend' there. "Friend."
"I am aware of the nature of your relationship with Daniel Jackson," said Teal'c. Only a Jaffa getting revenge for some unknown slight could sound that smug.
"You what?" Immediate facepalm. And possible demonstration of language completely inappropriate for a girl of sixteen, which, thankfully, Janet really wasn't.
"You sound upset, Dr. Fraiser," said Teal'c, even more smug than before, if that was possible.
"Someday," vowed Janet. "I am going to have you in an infirmary, and I'm going to be performing a check-up on you that you'll never forget, not for the rest of your life. How'd you find out?"
"Daniel Jackson became inebriated one night and revealed the information to me." Really, really smug. And he felt safe, obviously, since he was in Colorado in another universe right now.
In lieu of thwacking her forehead into a desk, Janet decided that the headboard of her bed would work out just fine. "Ow."
"Are you well, Janet Fraiser? Daniel Jackson also informed me that the fingerpainting of his newly-redecorated walls and of his glasses was, in fact, nothing compared to the 'fascinating and illogical' way that you rearranged his artifacts."
Okay, they were inside. But a stray bolt of lightning might still strike her dead at any minute. "Teal'c, I was six. For the entire weekend. And then I went out drinking the night before night." Janet rolled her eyes. It wasn't as if he didn't know her well enough to picture her expression, after all. "Do you think I'm well? Or am I maybe getting woken up every damn hour by your phone calls when I have a final in the morning!"
Oh, damn. She hadn't meant to snap at him. Cue one Jaffa guilt trip, starting--
--now.
"I merely wish to ascertain whether you are in need of assistance," said Teal'c. "As a concerned friend." He paused. "A concerned friend who has heard how adorable you were as a child and wishes to obtain photographic evidence.
"You aren't calling General Hammond," said Janet. "Teal'c--"
"General Hammond has been briefed on the situation," said Teal'c calmly.
"You told General Hammond I was six years old for the weekend?" shrieked Janet, trying to facepalm and flail and headdesk all at once, and instead just falling off the bed with a loud thud. "Ouch. Again." Janet glanced guiltily over at Liz, who was thankfully, still sleeping soundly. Somehow.
After successfully keeping the zombies, snow monsters, Darla's attack, study group, and just about everything else from everyone back home, why does being six for two lousy days have to be the one thing that they all find out about?
"What did I ever do to you that was so bad, Teal'c?" asked Janet plaintively.
"Are you well, Janet Fraiser?" This time his voice was full of concern for her.
Janet didn't often let herself think of why every single person she knew from before had continual bouts of overprotectiveness. "I'm fine, Teal'c," she said gently. "I promise."
"Very well," he said. She could practically hear him inclining his head. "However, should you ever be in need of assistance--"
"--then I'll call," finished Janet. "Thanks, Teal'c."
"Until later, then," said Teal'c. "I wish you the best of luck with finals."
"I'll need it," said Janet, facepalming again. She still had to finish that damn assignment. "Goodbye."
Janet flipped her phone shut, found her ibuprofin and took a triple dose, then booted up her laptop, and started working on her essay. If she hurried, she could get the last three pages done quickly. She hoped--since she didn't think "I was wee all weekend" would be a good excuse.
***
Later that morning, not so early--but still too early, her phone rang again. "Damn," muttered Janet.
"Dr. Fraiser." Oh, God, it was that voice. The one usually reserved for Colonel O'Neill or Daniel on their particularly difficult to deal with days.
"General Hammond," said Janet, wincing as her falsely cheerful--and loud--greeting set her hangover going again. "How are you today, sir?
"I'm afraid I'm getting some very disturbing reports about the events of the weekend, Dr. Fraiser," said General Hammond. "Would you care to explain?"
"Not really, sir," said Janet.
"I don't particularly care whether you want to or not, Doctor," said General Hammond sharply. Great. "Enlighten me anyway."
"I was six for the entire weekend, sir. Do you blame me for not wanting to discuss it?
"I don't care if you want to discuss it or not. I need to know if this is something that's going to affect your health, the health of the other individuals stationed out there, or the safety and security of the planet!"
Janet mentally ticked off the points on the Is General Hammond Really Angry? Scale that she and Jack had created one night when they were both on duty and the world hadn't been ending. They'd been really bored and a little too tired--and even without seeing General Hammond, she knew that she'd made him hit a perfect ten on the scale. Loud voice, red face, perspiration around the forehead, leaning forward, and a very angry expression. Mention of the safety and security of the planet was a big one.
"Well, Doctor," said General Hammond. "I'm waiting."
Janet rolled her eyes. "Sir, if it were something that were going to affect the planet, I'd have called you as soon as I were capable of it. Or Daniel would have, since he was capable of it the entire weekend. Not to mention anyone else around here that has the safety of Earth as one of their primary concerns." She paused, trying to calm herself down. "It was a localized event affecting the students at this school. I mean, for crying out loud, you weren't this upset about the zombies!"
"Zombies," said General Hammond. He was quieter now. "And when, exactly, did you encounter zombies, Doctor?"
Oh, hell. "You didn't know about the zombies, General?" asked Janet. Politely.
"What else don't I know about?" General Hammond was probably way past a ten on the Is He Really Angry? Scale by now, judging by just how quiet he'd gotten.
"Nothing you really need to know about," muttered Janet.
"What else aren't you telling me?" He paused, waiting, then added, "That's an order, doctor."
"What, besides the hordes of flesh-eating zombies that attacked the school last October, or the vampire that lives next door, or the vampire they had as a teacher? Did you check out the faculty list, sir, or did you just let Mackenzie look at the brochures and recommend this place?" Janet rolled her eyes again and continued on. "There's also the snow monsters, the weekend everyone randomly broke out into song, the weetiny bunnies hopping all over the island, and the week we all developed the most ridiculous and inane super powers ever!" Also, I'm dating Daniel, but I'm hoping you don't find out about that for a very long time. "General, I think turning six for a weekend is the least of our worries."
"Just what kind of a school we send you all to, Janet?" he asked, less angry and slightly more concerned-sounding.
"Possibly the one school out there we wouldn't go completely nuts at," said Janet. "Given how far from normal it is."
"Janet, the idea is to protect those of you who're there," he said quietly. "Not to expose you to more danger."
"I can't speak for all of us here at this school, but I'm a little tired of being protected when I'm a perfectly capable, adult woman who's not being allowed to contribute what she has to offer."
"Janet, in your case especially--"
"You can't protect me from everything, sir," said Janet quietly.
"We can damn well try," said the General, his voice full of regret. "No one wants--"
"I'm a soldier and a doctor. Not just a doctor." Janet took a deep breath. "I joined the military to pay for medical school. I stayed in the military--and at the SGC--because I believe in what we were trying to do. Sir, I knew there were risks. I accepted them. And yes, I died. But you can't wrap any of us in cotton by depositing us in high school in another universe and hoping we don't break."
General Hammond was quiet for a long time on the phone. "I sent you to that high school not just because I needed to find a way to keep you out of trouble, Janet." She bit back a quiet laugh at that and let him continue. "I hope that some day you all find your way back to the SGC. If something happens to the rest of us, you'll still--"
"Nothing is going to happen to any of you, sir," said Janet firmly. "Unless there's another something you're not telling us."
"No, Janet, nothing like that," said General Hammond, sighing. "Just the simple fact of time passing. Please inform Dr. Weir that Atlantis is perfectly fine, as is Colonel Caldwell."
There was nothing quite like laying a well-deserved guilt trip. "I'll let her know, sir. Thank you, General Hammond."
"Any time, Janet. I'll let you go study for those finals, then." He paused. "And Dr. Fraiser? Do try to write more frequently."
Damn. Caught. "I will, sir."
Janet hung up her phone and went back to studying.
***
Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, her phone rang again. She was going to kill Daniel first. Then Teal'c. Not General Hammond, though. And she was giving serious consideration to killing whoever was calling now.
"Hello?"
"Dr. Fraiser?"
"Thor?" Janet boggled at her phone. "You have this number? And you can call from space?"
"Yes, Doctor. I have heard some slightly disturbing reports of recent age regression in your cloned body recently. Is everything all right?"
Teal'c was so, so very dead. "I'm fine, Thor," said Janet.
"But your body and emotional development were both regressed to the age of six for a period of two full days." Thor sounded as puzzled as an Asgard could sound. "And you are now 'fine?'"
"I'm back to normal. I think that constitutes fine, yes. But thank you for your concern."
She was going to kill Daniel. Several times.
"I would not wish to hear that there had been any problems with your cloned form," said Thor. "And I wished to ascertain that you were well. General Hammond indicted that you 'did not write.'" He went silent. "It has come to my attention that you had previously been working on the issue of genetic drift in cloned forms."
Janet facepalmed. "I'll write! I told him I'd write! And yes." She looked suspiciously at the phone. "Why? Also, no, there were no problems! It happened to all the students, whether they were clones or not."
"I am relieved to hear that you and the other students are well, Dr. Fraiser. As to your research, I had wondered if you had been able to continue those studies in your new body with the equipment available at this place called High School," said Thor. "Apparently Heimdall thought that there were some promising leads in the data which you had sent."
"The last bit of research I sent was over two years ago, Thor," said Janet. "I've been a little busy since then. But I have tried to make some progress with the limited facilities available to me."
"I do sometimes forget that Tau'ri culture does not allow for the existence of clones," said Thor. "Are you experiencing many difficulties at this High School Base where you have been assigned?"
"Only the usual," said Janet. Well, the usual for her included the severely abnormal, so it wasn't as if she was lying. "The equipment here isn't as good as the equipment at the SGC."
"It has been mentioned to me by General O'Neill that the phenomenon known as 'dorm food' is a singularly unpleasant one," said Thor. "Would you like me to send you some of our food cubes? Perhaps Colonel Carter has informed you that I find the yellow ones particularly appetizing."
Must not laugh. Must not laugh. Must not laugh at the incredibly ancient, advanced being that is our species' ally. Must not-- Janet grinned instead, choking back a bubble of laughter. "Thanks for the offer, Thor, but I've got my own supplies of food here.
"You are quite welcome, Doctor," he said. "It is my sincere hope that we will see you at Colonel Carter's wedding this June. While we understand that for reasons of national security, we may not attend, we hope to be watching from orbit. Heimdall mentioned the possibility of attending for reasons of 'talking science.'"
"I think I'm required to be there," said Janet slowly. "And tell Heimdall I look forward to seeing--" Him? Her? It? "--to having a chat."
"I will do so, Doctor," said Thor. "Until later, then."
"I'll talk to you later, Thor."
That was possibly the most surreal phone conversation she'd ever had.
Janet quickly turned off her cell phone before any more calls could come in. With her luck, Mackenzie would call next. Or McKay. Or someone else equally annoying or ridiculous.