Room 239/240: Sunday Night
After checking on Angel next door, Janet unlocked her room, flipped on her lights, and flopped down on her bed. She could study. Or she could flip open the latest issue of Discover magazine and start bitching about the articles.
For once, studying did not win out. Maybe it was the migraine she'd had most of the weekend. You know, the one that ( Read more... )
For once, studying did not win out. Maybe it was the migraine she'd had most of the weekend. You know, the one that ( Read more... )
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She smiled. "He actually tried to talk me out of the rant, silly man."
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Janet grinned. "He hasn't learned yet? For someone who's made his life's work the study of people, you'd think he'd know better by now."
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"You'd think," she said, still a bit muffled, "but then he wouldn't be the Daniel we know and love. Also, I blew up the light board yesterday because I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing. Ruined the play."
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"Oh, I know," said Janet. She frowned. "You know, I'm sure you're not responsible for ruining the entire production." Janet shook her head and continued on, looking bemused. "I swear, one of these days I'm going to invent a pill that stops people from taking the blame for everything, and you're going to be my guinea pig."
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"I wasn't alone Monday night, Janet." She ducked her head. "I went to Lee's room. Then I had to figure the rest of that out. Then there was the show. Which I fouled up, because I twisted two wires together that were never meant to be connected. The second half was done by flashlight."
She flopped facedown on the bed and groaned. "I didn't want a do-over of this part."
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"I see," said Janet, fighting to keep her voice light. "So you really weren't avoiding everything, and you weren't avoiding me either." She took a deep breath. "It sounds like the show went fine anyway, which means you didn't ruin anything."
"What part?" The part where everything is confusing and nothing goes according to plan, Janet presumed. But assuming things about Sam lately kept leading to Sam being upset and avoiding her, so now wasn't the time to say anything about what she was guessing at.
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"The making stupid decisions part," she admitted. "I feel like my brain works fine sometimes, but then it just leaves the building and I have no idea what's going on."
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"So you really weren't avoiding everything, just everything but Lee," said Janet firmly, since Sam had completely avoided her comment before. "Including me. Sam, all I wanted to do was make sure you were all right, and you didn't even let me do that. That hurt."
"You didn't feel like you made a bad decision because you're a teenager now," said Janet. "If you're anything like me, you're floundering because you're a fish out of water. Where do we belong? Because it's sure as hell not high school."
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"Lee was safe," she admitted, "he knew enough of what was going on that I didn't have to hide everything, but not enough that he relies on me to save him because he knows I can."
"I'm sorry I hurt you," she sighed and reached for Janet's hand to squeeze it. God, she was messing this up all over the place. What a week. "I just needed to get away from everything that was pressing in on me. And Lee didn't make any demands. It was easy, and it had been so long since I had that."
She blinked back tears for the second time that day. "And I unloaded all over Daniel this morning. I don't belong anywhere. But I was created to stop Eighth. I thought I was fulfilling my purpose."
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"We rely on each other, Sam," said Janet. "I didn't-- I wasn't aware that you were feeling too pressured. So I suppose it makes sense that you'd turn to Lee."
Janet's smile was half there when Sam squeezed her hand. "You know, there's a reason we set up scheduled counseling appointments with Dr. Pevensie," she said lightly
"I think it's okay to unload on Daniel. He's here for us," said Janet. Then she frowned. "Sam Carter! I don't care what idea was running through your head when you decided to go off and get yourself cloned, but don't give me that line. 'Fulfilling my purpose?' There's a hell of a lot more to you than sacrificing yourself in a very likely futile effort to stop that psychopathic bitch from trying to destroy the planet. There have to be other ways to stop her. Better ways. Not to mention that I don't give a damn if you feel like you ( ... )
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Once she'd regained her composure, she looked at Janet. "Honestly, I don't know why I went to Lee. At first, I thought I was using him, and it made me feel guilty. But it didn't end up like that." She put her head in her hands. "I'm confused. He's 17 and I'm...not. But it was nice. And he's not the lunatic fringe, so I'm actually making progress. Sort of."
"I know, but I forgot. There was so much going on."
"Is there more?" Sam looked back up at Janet, searching for any kind of an answer. "What am I? Who am I? I'm a copy. A reduction of the whole. And I didn't think about that. I just wanted Eighth to leave everyone alone, and any sacrifice on my part seemed worth it. Except you, or Daniel, or anyone else. I only had my life, so that's what I offered."
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"You're not really the type to use anyone, Sam." Janet squeezed Sam's hand again. "And okay, he's seventeen. And he's a good person. So we'll deal with the age disparity." She grinned. "No, Lee's definitely not the lunatic fringe, even if he's oddly fond of making toast."
"Next time," said Janet. "I was feeling awkward being there by myself."
"Yes," said Janet, her voice steely. "There is more. What do you think I am, then? A copy of a dead woman? A shadow of someone that neither you nor Daniel could ever have back? The next best thing there is to the real Janet Fraiser?" She shook her head. "I already know you don't believe that about me. You ( ... )
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