Room 239/240: Sunday Night

[janet_fraiser]

After checking on Angel next door, Janet unlocked her room, flipped on her lights, and flopped down on her bed. She could study. Or she could flip open the latest issue of Discover magazine and start bitching about the articles.

For once, studying did not win out. Maybe it was the migraine she'd had most of the weekend. You know, the one that

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[janet_fraiser]

"Well, okay, then. How do you feel about that?" Janet shrugged. "I'm not saying think about it all the time. But don't try to pretend that it was less than it was."

"We rely on each other, Sam," said Janet. "I didn't-- I wasn't aware that you were feeling too pressured. So I suppose it makes sense that you'd turn to Lee."

Janet's smile was half there when Sam squeezed her hand. "You know, there's a reason we set up scheduled counseling appointments with Dr. Pevensie," she said lightly

"I think it's okay to unload on Daniel. He's here for us," said Janet. Then she frowned. "Sam Carter! I don't care what idea was running through your head when you decided to go off and get yourself cloned, but don't give me that line. 'Fulfilling my purpose?' There's a hell of a lot more to you than sacrificing yourself in a very likely futile effort to stop that psychopathic bitch from trying to destroy the planet. There have to be other ways to stop her. Better ways. Not to mention that I don't give a damn if you feel like you don't belong anywhere. Do any of us? That's no reason to get yourself killed." She blinked back tears. "What if Eighth had taken you up on that offer? How do you think the rest of us would have felt?"

[carter_i_am]

"Janet..." Sam rubbed at her temple, "I saw everyone I loved die. Narim, Martouf, Daniel, you...Then Jack. And I was the one who killed him. Over and over and over..." She started to tremble slightly at the memory and couldn't talk for a few minutes.

Once she'd regained her composure, she looked at Janet. "Honestly, I don't know why I went to Lee. At first, I thought I was using him, and it made me feel guilty. But it didn't end up like that." She put her head in her hands. "I'm confused. He's 17 and I'm...not. But it was nice. And he's not the lunatic fringe, so I'm actually making progress. Sort of."

"I know, but I forgot. There was so much going on."

"Is there more?" Sam looked back up at Janet, searching for any kind of an answer. "What am I? Who am I? I'm a copy. A reduction of the whole. And I didn't think about that. I just wanted Eighth to leave everyone alone, and any sacrifice on my part seemed worth it. Except you, or Daniel, or anyone else. I only had my life, so that's what I offered."

[janet_fraiser]

"I don't know what it was like for you," said Janet. "I don't know what she showed you. But I do know that repressing it doesn't do anyone any good. You know if we were back at the SGC, I'd have dragged you to that idiot's office by now and locked the door behind you." She took a deep breath. "You're not the one who did that. She didn't do that either. Hold onto that."

"You're not really the type to use anyone, Sam." Janet squeezed Sam's hand again. "And okay, he's seventeen. And he's a good person. So we'll deal with the age disparity." She grinned. "No, Lee's definitely not the lunatic fringe, even if he's oddly fond of making toast."

"Next time," said Janet. "I was feeling awkward being there by myself."

"Yes," said Janet, her voice steely. "There is more. What do you think I am, then? A copy of a dead woman? A shadow of someone that neither you nor Daniel could ever have back? The next best thing there is to the real Janet Fraiser?" She shook her head. "I already know you don't believe that about me. You are Sam Carter. You're my best friend. You're one of the few people out there who understands what I'm going through. It doesn't matter to me that there's another Sam Carter back in Colorado. You and she stopped being the same person about thirty seconds after you started existing. You are unique, and you don't get to offer your life up to the bad guys that way." Janet sighed. "We find another way. We don't trade ourselves to the bad guys."

[carter_i_am]

"I know, and I do," Sam nodded, "but the images don't just go away. You know that."

"First one to call me Mrs. Robinson gets a right to the jaw, that's all I'm saying. And what's up with all the toast? Don't they have it where he's from?"

Sam looked at Janet with horror. "NO, I could never think that about you. And point taken. Geez, you and Daniel, I swear."

[janet_fraiser]

"I know. I really do." Janet sighed. "Isn't there some sort of balance we can find for all of this?"

"I would never do that!" exclaimed Janet. Then she snickered. "Unless I were across the room. Then I might consider it. Maybe they don't have jelly and butter there either?"

"We never let you get away with anything." Janet smiled. "Aren't we horrible?"

[carter_i_am]

"Balance would be nice. Either we're mobbed and fighting for our lives, or we're completely lost. There must be a happy medium."

"Maybe. Though the lime curd..." she smiled. "That's definitely a category all its own."

"It's my cross to bear."

[janet_fraiser]

"I never used to be this lost all the time," said Janet, grumpy. "I keep thinking that it'll be better after we finish high school, and then I realize that no, there's college still."

"I'll take your word for it."

Janet sighed theatrically and mock-swooned. "Oh, whatever will you do? with friends like us?" She straightened up and snickered at Sam. "Aside from steal our chocolate any time you feel like it, that is."

[carter_i_am]

"I think we need to accept that we're never going to catch up," Sam admitted, pouting slightly. "And if you figure out how to do that, give a yell."

"There's chocolate?" She brightened.

[janet_fraiser]

"Or we have more time on our hands to catch up in," said Janet, with a dubious look on her face. "You'd be the first to know, but I doubt I'll ever figure it out."

"There's always chocolate," said Janet. "Unless, of course, I eat it all while the world's about to end." She reached over to her nightstand and pulled a box out. "Go nuts."