Janice Dickinson: The Most Horrible Human on Earth
If Janice Dickinson could be a made-for-TV movie, it would be Showgirls. This woman is so bad she's great. She reminds me a lot of New York from "Flavor of Love": suddenly, the concept of a Satan is feasible. Myth becomes real, live truth on:
The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency
That photo is so shopped, the editor practically had to bleach out any discernable image- as all of them led to flaw. It makes any Mariah Carey picture in history look au natural when comapred.
She is self-proclaimed as "the world's first supermodel", whose face has had more work done that Dick Cheney's heart.
Look at that hot mess, that femme Steven Tyler, with a personality consumed by vanity and the inability to let go of long-past success.
In all fairness though, about 100 years ago she was a hot piece:
She picks a fight at every chance. I'm pretty sure she does bumps a few times a day. Of course her office is littered with her photo spreads from three centuries ago, before she was mummified. We need Brendan Fraiser RIGHT NOW. She's such a tweaked, uneccesary bitch that you wonder if she had been repeatedly molested before she reached five.
When the models walk in their skivvies during try-outs, the blatant mental illness of Janice's eating disorders pepper many comments. One model hopeful was so starving that its a wonder she found a calorie to walk down the runway. Her skin was flapping in the wind off her bones and Janice calls her 'dumpy'. Said dumpy girl goes into the corner to weep in solitude, even though we couldn't watch this lonely break down with out the presence of video cameras. Whenver a girl weights "too much", the girl says she's on her period, making excuses. Janice says "Oh yeah?! EVERYONE'S on their period when they meet me!" Then she proclaims that everyone in the world must lose thirty pounds- very dismaying to the Mexican janitor in the corner. She empathizes with them: "One day a photographer told me I was bloated, and I never worked with him again! I walked out! But girls, get your asses off the back of your knee caps!"
Actual quote: "I'm going to rip those models apart from toenails to the last hair on their head. I'm going to destroy their self-esteem and rebuild it, because they have to be professional!"
She tells seventeen year old girls not to come back until they've had breast implants, dental work, and a nose job. And they DO IT! (One girl refused and Janice called her a bitch). However, any success the models achieve are eventually torn to shred by Janice, who is writhing in jealous and intimidation. Any budding relationship is broken up- she won't tolerate the m.m.'s giving anyone else attention but her. She touts herself as a stand-in mother figure to her models, yet tries to rape them with her eyes at other times. I felt like I was in some never-ending West Virginia household scenario. She also has a token tranny model who looks like an extra from To Wong Foo. Janice says the she/he has the best walk in the agency. Work it, girl! Sadly, after the tranny is fired, Janice employs a homeless girl she meets on the street.
She also speaks mostly in the passive voice, so that every sentence can begin with "I". Example: "I am not being understood by [my [business partner], rather than "my business partner doesn't understand me." She practically reinvents the superlative,describing one photographer as "the greatest man in the world, who ever walked the earth and saved my life three times. He's my LOVE!" and a fluid, goateed man wearing an uncalled-for orange scarf just eats it up.
At any public event. she demands treatment as if she were a modern-day Jesus. Follow elaborate bows... pursing of pale pink glossed lips.
Per her request every room must be temperatured at 75 degrees. Hot flashes, perhaps?
Watching the male models socialize is like studying some kind of baffling National Geographic study. At first you think you've seen this before, but then realize that was Zoolander. Pillow fights, followed by hours of hair gel and prepping, and ending in a forced, faked talk about which girls are hot and which are not. She pressures male models to take all their clothes off for a photo shoot, rationalizing to the confession camera that she "just had to see that ass."
My favorite though is Soren, the Ukranian male model who could never book a job because he didn't speak enough English. He would always cry after these rejections. So Janice decided to employ this simple-minded, gentle beast as her security guard. One who never has fans to ward off, but rather silently trails Janice in a drool-filled stupor, wearing a ripped belly shirt labeled "Security" and denim cut-offs.
Along with all its horror, this show is a fascinating watch. It cannon balls you into this other dimension, where people's jobs are to make themselves look beautiful- and making a fortune off it. You can also monitor Janice's progressive balding. She increasingly hides it with extensions and teased, boufanted roots. There's the total neglect of her son, who only puts up with it because he gets to watch hot girls prance around in underwear all day. This is the most hilarious clip I could find. It's 8 minutes, but even just the first forty seconds are pure gold:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yfyrYsLvIY
I reccomend a watch. It's the tits.
And here's one for the road:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXBfT92Hs9Q
The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency
That photo is so shopped, the editor practically had to bleach out any discernable image- as all of them led to flaw. It makes any Mariah Carey picture in history look au natural when comapred.
She is self-proclaimed as "the world's first supermodel", whose face has had more work done that Dick Cheney's heart.
Look at that hot mess, that femme Steven Tyler, with a personality consumed by vanity and the inability to let go of long-past success.
In all fairness though, about 100 years ago she was a hot piece:
She picks a fight at every chance. I'm pretty sure she does bumps a few times a day. Of course her office is littered with her photo spreads from three centuries ago, before she was mummified. We need Brendan Fraiser RIGHT NOW. She's such a tweaked, uneccesary bitch that you wonder if she had been repeatedly molested before she reached five.
When the models walk in their skivvies during try-outs, the blatant mental illness of Janice's eating disorders pepper many comments. One model hopeful was so starving that its a wonder she found a calorie to walk down the runway. Her skin was flapping in the wind off her bones and Janice calls her 'dumpy'. Said dumpy girl goes into the corner to weep in solitude, even though we couldn't watch this lonely break down with out the presence of video cameras. Whenver a girl weights "too much", the girl says she's on her period, making excuses. Janice says "Oh yeah?! EVERYONE'S on their period when they meet me!" Then she proclaims that everyone in the world must lose thirty pounds- very dismaying to the Mexican janitor in the corner. She empathizes with them: "One day a photographer told me I was bloated, and I never worked with him again! I walked out! But girls, get your asses off the back of your knee caps!"
Actual quote: "I'm going to rip those models apart from toenails to the last hair on their head. I'm going to destroy their self-esteem and rebuild it, because they have to be professional!"
She tells seventeen year old girls not to come back until they've had breast implants, dental work, and a nose job. And they DO IT! (One girl refused and Janice called her a bitch). However, any success the models achieve are eventually torn to shred by Janice, who is writhing in jealous and intimidation. Any budding relationship is broken up- she won't tolerate the m.m.'s giving anyone else attention but her. She touts herself as a stand-in mother figure to her models, yet tries to rape them with her eyes at other times. I felt like I was in some never-ending West Virginia household scenario. She also has a token tranny model who looks like an extra from To Wong Foo. Janice says the she/he has the best walk in the agency. Work it, girl! Sadly, after the tranny is fired, Janice employs a homeless girl she meets on the street.
She also speaks mostly in the passive voice, so that every sentence can begin with "I". Example: "I am not being understood by [my [business partner], rather than "my business partner doesn't understand me." She practically reinvents the superlative,describing one photographer as "the greatest man in the world, who ever walked the earth and saved my life three times. He's my LOVE!" and a fluid, goateed man wearing an uncalled-for orange scarf just eats it up.
At any public event. she demands treatment as if she were a modern-day Jesus. Follow elaborate bows... pursing of pale pink glossed lips.
Per her request every room must be temperatured at 75 degrees. Hot flashes, perhaps?
Watching the male models socialize is like studying some kind of baffling National Geographic study. At first you think you've seen this before, but then realize that was Zoolander. Pillow fights, followed by hours of hair gel and prepping, and ending in a forced, faked talk about which girls are hot and which are not. She pressures male models to take all their clothes off for a photo shoot, rationalizing to the confession camera that she "just had to see that ass."
My favorite though is Soren, the Ukranian male model who could never book a job because he didn't speak enough English. He would always cry after these rejections. So Janice decided to employ this simple-minded, gentle beast as her security guard. One who never has fans to ward off, but rather silently trails Janice in a drool-filled stupor, wearing a ripped belly shirt labeled "Security" and denim cut-offs.
Along with all its horror, this show is a fascinating watch. It cannon balls you into this other dimension, where people's jobs are to make themselves look beautiful- and making a fortune off it. You can also monitor Janice's progressive balding. She increasingly hides it with extensions and teased, boufanted roots. There's the total neglect of her son, who only puts up with it because he gets to watch hot girls prance around in underwear all day. This is the most hilarious clip I could find. It's 8 minutes, but even just the first forty seconds are pure gold:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yfyrYsLvIY
I reccomend a watch. It's the tits.
And here's one for the road:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXBfT92Hs9Q