I AM LAZY
Time for an update I guess. I have been back "home" in Alaska since 2/6/10.
My time in Ca went way to fast, and I blew the last week by staying holed up by myself and bawling because i had to leave my family ( now how much sense did that make) I just didn't want to bum everyone else out and evertime I thought about the fact that I was running out of time I started crying so I just stayed away from all the people I wanted to stay with forever and as I said wasted my whole last week. :-(
So I have been back almost 2 months and I am still a bummed out mess. I still think Alaska is
the most beautiful place, BUT it really is not and will never be home, I realize now nowhere will
ever be that for me until I am back in close enough proximity to my kids and grandkids to be able to just call and say lets BBQ this weekend, or hey lets got out to dinner tonight etc etc. I was happy to be back with Russ, and I love my Ak family and friends, but in my heart of hearts I am
not where I want to be. I know I am selfish because I am only considering myself in this matter.
Russ really feels he needs to be here to help Mom & Dad, and I really do understand that, BUT !
like I said I am selfish, all I seem to be able to think about is how much I miss my family.
This visit was different then the ones before, not alot of running etc, more quiet time and long talks, I hardly saw any old friends or other extended family, but I loved every minute I was there. My little grandbabies are all young adults, 3 very different personalities, well 4
because I consider Shawna as one of my grandkids too even though I am only her auntie, but then Judy and I have always been that way with our kids and now it has carried over to grands, especially since Shawna has been with first Bob and now De. So Judy and I are grandma and aunt grandma. :-)... This time I did bring a little bit of Ca back home with me. My sweet Bob & Jenn
gave me the sweetiest little bundle of love, licks, wiggles and cuddles. Her name is Cali because she is my California girl, she has filled my life with lots of love and so much joy. She is a little furball of activity and entertainment, and has quickly become a little Diva and the ruler of the roost, she has both Russ & I right where she wants us and she has no problem keeping us there. For lack of a better word, she is a Schmoorkie or Smoorkie not sure of the spelling, all I am sure of is that she is a perfect blend of daddy "Grover" and mommy "Pudge".
And she is the reason I am sitting here at almost 3:00 a.m. writing in this journal, since she went to sleep erly tonight and decided at 1:30 a.m. it was time to poop, pee & play. Now she is curled up in my lap asleep so I will take a break from this and try to get some sleep also, and will finish this up in a day or so.
My time in Ca went way to fast, and I blew the last week by staying holed up by myself and bawling because i had to leave my family ( now how much sense did that make) I just didn't want to bum everyone else out and evertime I thought about the fact that I was running out of time I started crying so I just stayed away from all the people I wanted to stay with forever and as I said wasted my whole last week. :-(
So I have been back almost 2 months and I am still a bummed out mess. I still think Alaska is
the most beautiful place, BUT it really is not and will never be home, I realize now nowhere will
ever be that for me until I am back in close enough proximity to my kids and grandkids to be able to just call and say lets BBQ this weekend, or hey lets got out to dinner tonight etc etc. I was happy to be back with Russ, and I love my Ak family and friends, but in my heart of hearts I am
not where I want to be. I know I am selfish because I am only considering myself in this matter.
Russ really feels he needs to be here to help Mom & Dad, and I really do understand that, BUT !
like I said I am selfish, all I seem to be able to think about is how much I miss my family.
This visit was different then the ones before, not alot of running etc, more quiet time and long talks, I hardly saw any old friends or other extended family, but I loved every minute I was there. My little grandbabies are all young adults, 3 very different personalities, well 4
because I consider Shawna as one of my grandkids too even though I am only her auntie, but then Judy and I have always been that way with our kids and now it has carried over to grands, especially since Shawna has been with first Bob and now De. So Judy and I are grandma and aunt grandma. :-)... This time I did bring a little bit of Ca back home with me. My sweet Bob & Jenn
gave me the sweetiest little bundle of love, licks, wiggles and cuddles. Her name is Cali because she is my California girl, she has filled my life with lots of love and so much joy. She is a little furball of activity and entertainment, and has quickly become a little Diva and the ruler of the roost, she has both Russ & I right where she wants us and she has no problem keeping us there. For lack of a better word, she is a Schmoorkie or Smoorkie not sure of the spelling, all I am sure of is that she is a perfect blend of daddy "Grover" and mommy "Pudge".
And she is the reason I am sitting here at almost 3:00 a.m. writing in this journal, since she went to sleep erly tonight and decided at 1:30 a.m. it was time to poop, pee & play. Now she is curled up in my lap asleep so I will take a break from this and try to get some sleep also, and will finish this up in a day or so.