starting small

[jamyliebthing]

Here I am.

We made a pact -- actually, I made a pact and made you make it with me -- and if I say I will, then I will

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[fgty]

In my own journey I do frequently wonder two things:

1) If I realistically can create the future I want by reconnecting with my past, improving upon what's there and more importantly following through with what I had begun to build.

or

2) Trash it all, start from scratch and try to be a completely new person.

Of course both have their infallibilities: while you can become a different person it can never exclude the past. What's there is there for good no matter how well you manage to bury it. Also living in past glories (imagined or real) really does take you out of the present so, certainly with me, I'm constantly under-valuing what I have NOW and what I'm doing NOW (in relation to the things and events not directly related to the past of which I refer).

So, perhaps, following either of these theories will keep me in a loop but maybe if can can consistently reduce the emphasis on both of these (while not at all attempting to completely rid myself of either approach) and focus on now and significantly emphasize the now, I can more successfully build the me I frequently claim to desire.

Aside from all that, the main reason I don't easily let go of some of the relationships from the past is the fear of growing apart to the point when the possibilities you once shared are no longer relevant and the likelihood that the connection will also be insignificant for either or both. I often fear that more than anything because I've experienced it both out of "natural causes" and by design. Either way it only leaves loss. I've had enough of that.

Your goal is a good one, possibly because it may also be the most difficult.

And the most worthwhile.