Do you have dreams?
I spent most of today playing games--mudding and a few rounds of single player warcraft 3. While mudding, I did a little bit of my 145 project on the side. This is the first time I've played anything in a while. I've been busy during the week and I had a big homework due right after the last weekend. Before that, I was busy helping my parents out in the house, or just seeing some friends. The gaming has reminded me of a sense of non-accomplishment that I feel after playing. I think most of my more thoughtful journal entries were actually motivated by those feelings.
More to the point, I wrestled with myself mentally to finish up my ICS 145 project while I sat around after dinner. It was at this point that I realized I was comparing myself to my friends. I was noting to myself that others I know would get up and do this task with some enjoyment (or with great enjoyment). I know that many within ICS hate programming or some aspects of their degrees--I seem to meet only people who love it or hate it--but internally, those who dislike the material don't exist. My mom's told me so many times that to be a better person, I need to learn people's good points and learn to avoid their bad points. I must've internalized this so much that I tried to model myself after those who enjoy what they do academically. In doing so, I've fostered a deep sense of yearning to find what it is that I want to do so that I can be as content with my work/studies as those friends are with theirs.
Right now I feel moved because I realize I have no dreams--as in the kind that one pursues. They're more than goals--graduating and becoming financially independent are goals of mine. I need dreams so that I can look forward to something both daily and on a long term scale...
More to the point, I wrestled with myself mentally to finish up my ICS 145 project while I sat around after dinner. It was at this point that I realized I was comparing myself to my friends. I was noting to myself that others I know would get up and do this task with some enjoyment (or with great enjoyment). I know that many within ICS hate programming or some aspects of their degrees--I seem to meet only people who love it or hate it--but internally, those who dislike the material don't exist. My mom's told me so many times that to be a better person, I need to learn people's good points and learn to avoid their bad points. I must've internalized this so much that I tried to model myself after those who enjoy what they do academically. In doing so, I've fostered a deep sense of yearning to find what it is that I want to do so that I can be as content with my work/studies as those friends are with theirs.
Right now I feel moved because I realize I have no dreams--as in the kind that one pursues. They're more than goals--graduating and becoming financially independent are goals of mine. I need dreams so that I can look forward to something both daily and on a long term scale...