Epiphanies can be fun.
First I have to get this out of the way: TWILIGHT WAS AWESOME!!! I truly have very few negative things to say about it. The make-up could have been so much better. Hell, I could have done better. But for the most part: Good job, guys. I was pleased.
On to the actual post: I made a discovery today. Right now I might love two guys. One I know that I love; the other just seems to be evident by my actions. And you know what they say about actions. Guy number one, we just aren't going to talk about. (I'm sure you are all thanking me/God/The Powers That Be right about now.) Guy number two however....
I just can't really let this person go. Part of it is the savior complex. I don't want him to be alone, I want him to have friends, I don't see how he can be happy in his present situation. All things that aren't really my place to change. Perhaps. I can sit here and say that I don't love him all day, but if that were true, then why haven't I just let him go? Good question. One of which I don't have an answer. I did, however, discover that this love (if it is love), does not control me. I can sleep next to this guy and not act on my baser instincts. He has touched my skin and stroked my limbs and I can resist him. I do still find him attractive. I still enjoy and miss his company. He cooks me supper and spends the night and consumes many Benadryl caplets to do so. (Allergic to cats.)
So what do I do about this? On the one hand, I could let him back into my body and not just my bed. But I've seen the end of that road. We are total opposites: I'm a silly little emotional girl, and he's a robot. I love too easily; and he, not at all. The list goes on but you get the gist. Basically I become clingy and he pulls away. And it hurts. And he extremely conveniently forgets conversations. Important ones. So I guess a better question would be: Do I believe in second chances? Maybe. But once I close certain things from someone, they don't really get them back. If you do, then it wasn't really closed anyway.
Fate is a tricky thing to think about. What if I make the wrong decision? What path holds my happiness? I'm so confused right now. Well, I am and I'm not. I know that doesn't make sense but it's how I feel. I look at it one way and I know. I look at it from a different angle and everything is changed. I'm afraid I'll choose wrongly. Or is there a wrong choice? What if, regardless of the path, it's not wrong, just what I chose? But it's a little of you can only have one or the other.
Anyway, it's 4 am and I have work in 6.5 hours. It sounds far away on paper but it isn't. Especially since I've been awake for 22 hours.
On to the actual post: I made a discovery today. Right now I might love two guys. One I know that I love; the other just seems to be evident by my actions. And you know what they say about actions. Guy number one, we just aren't going to talk about. (I'm sure you are all thanking me/God/The Powers That Be right about now.) Guy number two however....
I just can't really let this person go. Part of it is the savior complex. I don't want him to be alone, I want him to have friends, I don't see how he can be happy in his present situation. All things that aren't really my place to change. Perhaps. I can sit here and say that I don't love him all day, but if that were true, then why haven't I just let him go? Good question. One of which I don't have an answer. I did, however, discover that this love (if it is love), does not control me. I can sleep next to this guy and not act on my baser instincts. He has touched my skin and stroked my limbs and I can resist him. I do still find him attractive. I still enjoy and miss his company. He cooks me supper and spends the night and consumes many Benadryl caplets to do so. (Allergic to cats.)
So what do I do about this? On the one hand, I could let him back into my body and not just my bed. But I've seen the end of that road. We are total opposites: I'm a silly little emotional girl, and he's a robot. I love too easily; and he, not at all. The list goes on but you get the gist. Basically I become clingy and he pulls away. And it hurts. And he extremely conveniently forgets conversations. Important ones. So I guess a better question would be: Do I believe in second chances? Maybe. But once I close certain things from someone, they don't really get them back. If you do, then it wasn't really closed anyway.
Fate is a tricky thing to think about. What if I make the wrong decision? What path holds my happiness? I'm so confused right now. Well, I am and I'm not. I know that doesn't make sense but it's how I feel. I look at it one way and I know. I look at it from a different angle and everything is changed. I'm afraid I'll choose wrongly. Or is there a wrong choice? What if, regardless of the path, it's not wrong, just what I chose? But it's a little of you can only have one or the other.
Anyway, it's 4 am and I have work in 6.5 hours. It sounds far away on paper but it isn't. Especially since I've been awake for 22 hours.