(no subject)
Felt good on the train today. That I am still very flawed and, in practice, not a good person, but that I still think there might be a little hope for me to keep improving. I just typed that and I realised it must be a strange thing to talk about yourself in that way - it's probably the drinking, and how it has always made me hyper aware of when I was GOOD so I guess I just talk about it out of habit.
But, yeah. I messed up last month (24-26th Feb were booze days), but it's coming up on the end of march and the amount which alcohol negatively impacts my life has dropped off a whole lot this year. I haven't done much new with the time I'm no longer forfeiting, which bothers me, but it's better this way because at any moment I can be ready to try and no longer need to crawl out of a hole.
I've got a lot to think about and some decisions to make. Alicia is coming in 1 week, and I am very happy about that. I hope it goes well, I'm going to try to make it go well. It is easy to let myself worry about afterwards, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
I'm tired. I'm always tired.
But, yeah. I messed up last month (24-26th Feb were booze days), but it's coming up on the end of march and the amount which alcohol negatively impacts my life has dropped off a whole lot this year. I haven't done much new with the time I'm no longer forfeiting, which bothers me, but it's better this way because at any moment I can be ready to try and no longer need to crawl out of a hole.
I've got a lot to think about and some decisions to make. Alicia is coming in 1 week, and I am very happy about that. I hope it goes well, I'm going to try to make it go well. It is easy to let myself worry about afterwards, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
I'm tired. I'm always tired.