That must be an awful thing to deal with. Not the fearing death or dreading seeing it around you, but the feeling guilty because you feel this way. You will face what you have to face when you are ready to face it and not before. Don't let others make you feel guilty for feeling what you feel. I know from experience that it only causes stress for you and for them.
As a person who's watched alot of loved ones get sick and die, I can tell you what you're feeling is normal. Aside from watching your two friends die, have you watched other loved ones wither away like your friend's dad before he passed? It's a truly horrifying experience, particularly if it's a relatively healthy person getting struck down and having a quick and steady decline to death. I had an easier time dealing with my dad's death than I did with my mom's death because of that. Dad had been sick awhile, so when he dropped dead at work it was shocking, but not unexpected, because we knew his heart was really bad. Mom's final illness took place over the course of a year, going from being relatively healthy to unable to walk to the bathroom without oxygen or physical assistance within the last 6 months of her life. I couldn't take it. I avoided seeing her more than I should have and spoke to her on the phone instead. It's heartbreaking to see someone you love like that. It's almost paralyzing in some ways--it's the horror
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That must be an awful thing to deal with. Not the fearing death or dreading seeing it around you, but the feeling guilty because you feel this way. You will face what you have to face when you are ready to face it and not before. Don't let others make you feel guilty for feeling what you feel. I know from experience that it only causes stress for you and for them.
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