When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Struggle to Hang in There...
So I'm 32 weeks today, eight months along. Only eight more weeks until Jack will come into the world and into our lives (hopefully not much longer than that!). I'm very excited about his arrival; the baby shower was this past weekend and I've started hoarding diapers. At the same time, I worry about what the future will hold and whether or not I'm on the best path for my life.
I started my Anatomy class last Monday and since it's so fast-paced, the first lecture and lab exams were yesterday. After fretting over my answers, I turned in my exams and started crying on my walk back to my car. I knew I did okay but I couldn't get over the questions that I know I missed. I felt like they were such stupid mistakes and if I could get such simple questions wrong, how was I ever going to be able to be a nurse, when making mistakes could cost people their lives? I know I was being really hard on myself, but I feel like this is really important and I need to step it up.
Today, we learned about cranial and facial bones, and there's just so much! It's really overwhelming; each day of lecture, we cover so much more material than the previous day and I feel like it's not going to slow down at all during the semester. I reviewed different parts of the eight types of cranial bones (frontal, parietal(2), occipital, temporal(2), sphenoid, ethmoid) with Kyle tonight, and I guess I've learned a lot, relatively speaking, but it doesn't seem like enough. I started doubting if the nursing pathway is right for me and wondered if I should pursue something different.
Looking back at my emotional reactions today and yesterday, I think my anxiety was coming from fear. Going back to school is a big change for anyone, especially if you're pregnant, and it's scary to make a big change in your life. I have to work really hard in this class and that's something I'm not used to doing. I'm worried I'm going to fail and that makes me not want to even try. This is outside my comfort zone and part of me wants so much to stop challenging myself and go back to what's comfortable. That's no way to grow as a person though, is it? "You only fail if you give up." I need to keep trying, keep pushing myself, because I know I can do it if I try. I may not get it perfect every time, but I can do my best, and my best is still pretty good.
My professor is awesome; she already got both the lab and lecture exams graded. I got a 93% on the lab exam and 97% on the lecture exam, for a total of 95% altogether. Seeing that was encouraging me; it shows that I'm not as incompetent as I thought. Maybe I CAN do this. Yes, the exams are going to get harder, but that just means I have to work harder. I need to do this, both for me and for Jack. I'm investing in our future, to be able to provide for him, give him security. There's no doubt in my mind that he's worth it; the only thing I struggle with is believing that I'M worth it, that I shouldn't give up on myself. It's not always easy, but I know that it's the right thing to do. I can do this, I CAN do this...
I started my Anatomy class last Monday and since it's so fast-paced, the first lecture and lab exams were yesterday. After fretting over my answers, I turned in my exams and started crying on my walk back to my car. I knew I did okay but I couldn't get over the questions that I know I missed. I felt like they were such stupid mistakes and if I could get such simple questions wrong, how was I ever going to be able to be a nurse, when making mistakes could cost people their lives? I know I was being really hard on myself, but I feel like this is really important and I need to step it up.
Today, we learned about cranial and facial bones, and there's just so much! It's really overwhelming; each day of lecture, we cover so much more material than the previous day and I feel like it's not going to slow down at all during the semester. I reviewed different parts of the eight types of cranial bones (frontal, parietal(2), occipital, temporal(2), sphenoid, ethmoid) with Kyle tonight, and I guess I've learned a lot, relatively speaking, but it doesn't seem like enough. I started doubting if the nursing pathway is right for me and wondered if I should pursue something different.
Looking back at my emotional reactions today and yesterday, I think my anxiety was coming from fear. Going back to school is a big change for anyone, especially if you're pregnant, and it's scary to make a big change in your life. I have to work really hard in this class and that's something I'm not used to doing. I'm worried I'm going to fail and that makes me not want to even try. This is outside my comfort zone and part of me wants so much to stop challenging myself and go back to what's comfortable. That's no way to grow as a person though, is it? "You only fail if you give up." I need to keep trying, keep pushing myself, because I know I can do it if I try. I may not get it perfect every time, but I can do my best, and my best is still pretty good.
My professor is awesome; she already got both the lab and lecture exams graded. I got a 93% on the lab exam and 97% on the lecture exam, for a total of 95% altogether. Seeing that was encouraging me; it shows that I'm not as incompetent as I thought. Maybe I CAN do this. Yes, the exams are going to get harder, but that just means I have to work harder. I need to do this, both for me and for Jack. I'm investing in our future, to be able to provide for him, give him security. There's no doubt in my mind that he's worth it; the only thing I struggle with is believing that I'M worth it, that I shouldn't give up on myself. It's not always easy, but I know that it's the right thing to do. I can do this, I CAN do this...