Won't Someone Miss me?
I'm off to NAU camp. Wednesday I'll be out for a month, harassing campers and running in the morning. A favorite combination in my opinion. I was thinking about what I would post today, how I've felt so awkward these past 24 hours. I wanted to write out this huge elaborate essay. Yet now, I can't. I lack the desire to write about it, I lack the desire to do a lot of things now... I already miss Matt. How in the world will I be able to do this in August? I hate growing up.
"Deal with it" many of you would say. You'd claim that I'm just an awkward and overdramatic teenager. I lack the emotional stability or the brains to act and handle things the "right" and "appropriate way." I'm a damned fat girl that's a crude bitch to everyone. I can understand why people would feel this way towards me. Don't feel sorry for it, I'm not asking for any sympathy. Especially from you.
"Deal with it"
How dare you make that claim. How dare you try and make the best relationship I could ever ask for become something so trivial, so meaningless, so worthless. I could never "deal with" an end... and yet I know its just waiting for me, lurking for those last few words. When we both say "Its Over." Just shut your mouth before you even breathe, and don't fuck with me.
"Deal with it."
Do you think my dad can truly "deal with it?" Can my father, who will probably kill himself because he'd rather run than live an extra 15 years deal with the fact that he's sick? That he's dying? That he has lost all mental stability? This is all irrelevant, but again, how can someone just blow it all away with those three little words. "Deal with it." He can't.
I don't want this relationship to end. I don't want to leave you Matt, and I can't bear go to a school without seeing you. I know its for the best, but I just can't do it.... I can't... And now I'm crying. I wish I had no emotions.
I should stop thinking about this, especially typing my feelings here. Enough, no more pity posts. I overreact and now I must face the three words I hate the most.
I must deal with it.
"Deal with it" many of you would say. You'd claim that I'm just an awkward and overdramatic teenager. I lack the emotional stability or the brains to act and handle things the "right" and "appropriate way." I'm a damned fat girl that's a crude bitch to everyone. I can understand why people would feel this way towards me. Don't feel sorry for it, I'm not asking for any sympathy. Especially from you.
"Deal with it"
How dare you make that claim. How dare you try and make the best relationship I could ever ask for become something so trivial, so meaningless, so worthless. I could never "deal with" an end... and yet I know its just waiting for me, lurking for those last few words. When we both say "Its Over." Just shut your mouth before you even breathe, and don't fuck with me.
"Deal with it."
Do you think my dad can truly "deal with it?" Can my father, who will probably kill himself because he'd rather run than live an extra 15 years deal with the fact that he's sick? That he's dying? That he has lost all mental stability? This is all irrelevant, but again, how can someone just blow it all away with those three little words. "Deal with it." He can't.
I don't want this relationship to end. I don't want to leave you Matt, and I can't bear go to a school without seeing you. I know its for the best, but I just can't do it.... I can't... And now I'm crying. I wish I had no emotions.
I should stop thinking about this, especially typing my feelings here. Enough, no more pity posts. I overreact and now I must face the three words I hate the most.
I must deal with it.