24. Jam - [Voice] I'm not dreaming so I don't know why others are everywhere I wanna be...
[Beyond sounds weak. Desperate. And a little bit angry]
I need help. Seriously. Anyone here who is used to social problems and those things? Please contact me...
[A pause]
I knew it would hurt. I knew it. ... Even if I didn't expect a situation like this. I knew it was wrong. ...
Oh how stupid have I been? I thought the pain would be over with the ( Read more... )
Would it make you feel any better if I told you he hasn't told me how he feels?
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You're about to take the my last damn hope, but okay, that's human! I am not human anymore, I never was.
So go ahead!
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NOTHING has changed between me and L since I confessed except that I finally understand my own feelings.
NOTHING.
[And, okay, so maybe he's a bit bitter about this too]
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But now it's time to start running, Kenta. I have no idea what I will do in the next time.
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YOU don't get to decide when I stop being a friend to you.
GROW UP. You knew I liked L. Now there are just words to it.
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Because I'm not the one you thought you knew. I never was it.
The way I was going here was WRONG! It wasn't MINE! It was the way everyone goes.
It stops here and now.
You liked him. Love is diffrent. You give your strongest emotion to him. You'll get his strongest back. Problem is... this is what I always wanted!
Go ahead, do what you want. It's only ...human.
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He CARES for you!!
He's L! Don't you see how much that IS?? Maybe he cared for Watari back home. But liking people would've killed him! Just like it kills me now!!
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So I'm a little self concious? Can you blame me? My last real relationship was with Akane and THAT proved pretty clearly that I have no fucking idea what I'm doing!
[And you just know he's upset if he's cursing.]
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L is everything that matters. And he shouldn't like me. He just should think of me! SEE ME! I want him to be mine, like I have always been his!!
I can't blame you! I don't do it! I blame myself for beeing that supid!!
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You're only his because you won't ever let yourself just be. Why can't you just live your life, why does it have to depend on anyone. If you like someone and they don't like you back - it's painful. But you get over it eventually and MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.
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Did I ever say, I wanted it any other way? It's to late to turn around and I don't want to. I may not... love him. Okay maybe I even did this... nine years ago. Who knows?
But the more I talk to him, the more I need him, the more I hate him, the more I want anyone else to fucking stay away from MY L!
YOU should understand that, shouldn't you?
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It's not about turning around, it's about stepping out onto a new path.
No! Loving him doesn't mean I want to lock him away where no one can see him speak to him, touch him - it just means that I want to be able to do all those things myself!
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I do not love him in the common way, that's completly true. But I won't let go that easy. As long as I am living I will fight to make L mine.
You were a good friend back then. Can't say I disliked the time we had.
But now my true personality is back.
Time to say goodbye.
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You think you can push me away with all of this psycho killer bullshit again? Did that really work last time?
No, of course it didn't.
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And don't think it wouldn't be obvious who you'll choose. You love him, you'd never leave him for me.
Noone would ever leave L, once addicted. Which is kind of sad, because I don't want others to be around him.
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