Remembering PF
I can't believe when I heard the news that Mrs. F passed away last Thursday, which happened to be my off day since I agreed to work the overnight shift because the overnight nurse called out. I checked on her around 5:00 a.m. that day, & she looked very peaceful in her sleep. How can she not be peaceful when she got a shot of Ativan the night before because she was blowing her top; extremely agitated, shouting in the hallway asking everyone to get the police for her. Just like most of them, Mrs. F is often delusional. The only difference is that she hollers at the hallway usually close to midnight when most of the residents have all slumbered off to dreamland. She is usually asleep during the day & revitalized at night-- something dreaded by the overnight nurse. Her delusions would range from looking for missing shoes & calling everyone a thief when she could not find it.. There was a time she asked me to take her home, & I told her I will be right back, I just needed to heat up the car..When I came back the next day, the nurse told me she kept calling.. "Sheila, where are you? I'm ready now.. She kept calling for me until 2 a.m. The funny thing about Mrs. F is she would push you to the wall-- one night she looked for a nail file, we told her there's nothing available that time. She needs to wait the next day when the beauty shop is open.. She said, "I don't believe you. I will shout until someone gets me a nail file.. And she placed her two hands on the side of her mouth & shouted "Nail file, nail file, nail file, nail file, nail file, nail file". Oh my God, that haunted me in my sleep. She said it close to the hundredth time until somebody got her a nail file. The funniest thing I heard from her was a remark she made regarding one of the residents who really looked like his face was smashed in a motorcycle accident. She said to me "What kind of a face is that? Is that homemade? LOL!!! . Mrs. F is really funny! I love her!
The night before she passed away, she insisted that her roommate invaded her space... she said "she needs to be thrown out of my house; she's always got visitors there. You gotta help me." Since I was not the nurse for her that night, it relieved me of the responsibility to give her the injection. However, everytime she acts up, I am able to calm her for some reason. I would take her to her room & gently tell her to "give it a rest", whatever her issues are. I would tell her we will deal with it in the morning after she goes to sleep. Sometimes this works in an instant making me feel that I have won the lotto.. sometimes it does not. But I realize the trick to her is to speak softly & agree to her "wishes".. say that you will call the police even if you really don't. This always confuses me because in nursing school, they taught that delusional people must be reoriented to their environment.. yeah right. Try doing this & they get more agitated..
I tried calming her again this night & told her the police will come in the morning but she would not stop shouting. The nurse assigned to her had to give her the "A" injection..After getting it, she came over to me & said " I thought you were my friend; not like the rest of them. They just gave me an injection, a sedative, & I feel weaker, & you did not defend me from them. You're just like them.. ". I told her. "It's a medicine to calm you down. It's what you need this time. You need to rest, tomorrow is another day, Mrs. F." She got drowsy, & was put to bed. That was our last conversation. There's this guilty feeling inside me that she left the world thinking that everyone was her enemy, including me. I know that she did not mean that-- it was her delusional self talking but I guess I'm so new to this business--even the "un" truth hurts. That's why I'm up this early, I could not sleep.. Boy, nursing is torture sometimes...I can't deal with this.. I'm still mourning for Francis M, & here she is passing away on me.. We will miss her.. She was quite a character. RIP Mrs. F.. no more injections for you.. you are now free..
The night before she passed away, she insisted that her roommate invaded her space... she said "she needs to be thrown out of my house; she's always got visitors there. You gotta help me." Since I was not the nurse for her that night, it relieved me of the responsibility to give her the injection. However, everytime she acts up, I am able to calm her for some reason. I would take her to her room & gently tell her to "give it a rest", whatever her issues are. I would tell her we will deal with it in the morning after she goes to sleep. Sometimes this works in an instant making me feel that I have won the lotto.. sometimes it does not. But I realize the trick to her is to speak softly & agree to her "wishes".. say that you will call the police even if you really don't. This always confuses me because in nursing school, they taught that delusional people must be reoriented to their environment.. yeah right. Try doing this & they get more agitated..
I tried calming her again this night & told her the police will come in the morning but she would not stop shouting. The nurse assigned to her had to give her the "A" injection..After getting it, she came over to me & said " I thought you were my friend; not like the rest of them. They just gave me an injection, a sedative, & I feel weaker, & you did not defend me from them. You're just like them.. ". I told her. "It's a medicine to calm you down. It's what you need this time. You need to rest, tomorrow is another day, Mrs. F." She got drowsy, & was put to bed. That was our last conversation. There's this guilty feeling inside me that she left the world thinking that everyone was her enemy, including me. I know that she did not mean that-- it was her delusional self talking but I guess I'm so new to this business--even the "un" truth hurts. That's why I'm up this early, I could not sleep.. Boy, nursing is torture sometimes...I can't deal with this.. I'm still mourning for Francis M, & here she is passing away on me.. We will miss her.. She was quite a character. RIP Mrs. F.. no more injections for you.. you are now free..