Fall 2010 Update
I'm not fantastically talented, I'm not as intelligent or as productive as I would like to be, I've done some bad things...
but my interests are awesome and my intentions are habitually high-quality. If an award existed for being unique and personable, I'd be a fine candidate.
Point is, I realize how special I am. This isn't necessarily in the typical egoistic sense, that is comparing my self to those around me, but in a similar sense I simply see how unique I am and how much my life has come close to what I could ever want, and I am full of adoration for every thing that I encounter for it is as my reflection a piece of me.
Something as simple as walking into my room and seeing my Classical Fake Book sitting on my music stand: I elate as I'm reminded that this book changed my world, and it is here to stay, a part of my every day life.
I consider how wonderful it could be to be classically trained since the age of three, or maybe more reasonably, spend those dark years in strict musical practice instead of engaging in depressing thought patterns. I consider how little I am compared to how I would like to be.
But these days I have a great drive for pursuing all those important things. It's more than that: I'm also powerful; I have this great potential to be anything I want to be. It's not easy to do, but I'm alive and it's available to me. Now I'm doing it, experiencing it first-hand, and it's just more development in my world and view of things.
The biggest obstacle in my life is physical, my present bodily incapabilities and malfunctioning in what I stress to do. If I can get half of what I want, physically speaking, I'd be soaring fine. A habit of mindfulness is important here, and it's very difficult to maintain.
An example: I need to relax my hands. It has become harder than ever, but it is still possible. I need to spend time with them without stressing them, and increase the frequency and quality of my awareness in this respect.
but my interests are awesome and my intentions are habitually high-quality. If an award existed for being unique and personable, I'd be a fine candidate.
Point is, I realize how special I am. This isn't necessarily in the typical egoistic sense, that is comparing my self to those around me, but in a similar sense I simply see how unique I am and how much my life has come close to what I could ever want, and I am full of adoration for every thing that I encounter for it is as my reflection a piece of me.
Something as simple as walking into my room and seeing my Classical Fake Book sitting on my music stand: I elate as I'm reminded that this book changed my world, and it is here to stay, a part of my every day life.
I consider how wonderful it could be to be classically trained since the age of three, or maybe more reasonably, spend those dark years in strict musical practice instead of engaging in depressing thought patterns. I consider how little I am compared to how I would like to be.
But these days I have a great drive for pursuing all those important things. It's more than that: I'm also powerful; I have this great potential to be anything I want to be. It's not easy to do, but I'm alive and it's available to me. Now I'm doing it, experiencing it first-hand, and it's just more development in my world and view of things.
The biggest obstacle in my life is physical, my present bodily incapabilities and malfunctioning in what I stress to do. If I can get half of what I want, physically speaking, I'd be soaring fine. A habit of mindfulness is important here, and it's very difficult to maintain.
An example: I need to relax my hands. It has become harder than ever, but it is still possible. I need to spend time with them without stressing them, and increase the frequency and quality of my awareness in this respect.