Humility
Disciple Now this weekend was absolutely amazing! As I mentioned in my last journal, I ended up learning so much more than I taught. If I could think of one word to describe my experience it would be "humble." I have always had a hard time with the principle of humility because my parents always taught me to expect the best of myself and for myself. That, in itself, is a good principle, but I have distorted it until it means that everyone should treat me wonderfully and I should never have to do anything that is lower than my standards.
Doug and Cindy Christy really taught me a lesson in being humble this weekend, as well as the youth group. Doug is the pastor of Highland First Baptist and Cindy is his wife. They recently lost their youth minister, but they took it upon themselves to plan, execute, and participate in every single Disciple Now activity. That is somehow amazing to me. They take on so much extra responsibility in order to ensure their youth group is able to have the most wonderful experiences. Then, Saturday morning the men of the church got up at 5:30 and came to the associational camp where we were staying and cooked a wonderful breakfast for everyone. They could have very well just let the kids eat doughnuts or Pop-Tarts, but they gave up their morning to give their youth the best.
The youth also amazed me beyond belief. In years past, they were able to go to host homes to stay, but this year they had to stay at the camp, and they didn’t once complain about any aspect of the weekend. They were so excited about every activity that was planned and were so absorbent of God’s word that it made me want that back from when I was their age. They enlightened my soul beyond explanation.
Seeing this whole church humble themselves and come together for the good of everyone renewed my faith in the church as a whole. They were not obsessed with tradition or schedules, but were willing to sacrifice for their fellow church members. My guess is that they didn’t even see anything they did as a sacrifice, but as simply doing what God would expect them to do. They found joy in the giving of their time and energy to these 23 students in order that they might grow in their walks with Jesus Christ. They catered to the needs of their church members, and opened their arms to visitors.
This weekend I was also humbled in another way. I remember when I was on the other side of Disciple Now, looking up to my leaders as if they were perfect angels that God had sent from heaven to help me understand Him more; and sometimes, being a leader can make me feel that superiority, as if there is something better in me that gives me the right to teach youth about God. I don’t know why it took this Disciple Now to make me realize that there is nothing inside of myself that can possibly do anything good or right. I am still a dirty sinner, and God just uses me to speak to these people through me. All that He requires of me is obedience to say what He wants me to say and to do what He wants me to do. That makes me feel so honored to know that I am so unworthy of being used, yet God uses me anyway.
God definitely gave me the spiritual boost that I needed so bad, and He revealed to me so many aspects of my life that I need to work on, but for the first time in my life, I am not discouraged by these faults that He has shown me. Instead, I am ready and willing, and even excited to let God get to work on my heart and in my life. I am honestly enthusiastic about the changes that God is going to make in my life. I have this incredible peace in knowing that now that I’m fully letting God do whatever it is that He wants to do in my life, no matter what, I am going to be satisfied.