Fiction: Shattered Reflection Chapter 14
This is unedited.
Title: Shattered Reflections
Chapter: 14
Author: Jailynn
Word Count: 2560
Couple/Show: Ashlee and Rocky, Guiding Light
Disclaimer: Not mine at all
Summary: Ashlee moved away from Springfield after Coop's death and Rocky came back. What if Rocky was Coop's twin? What if Ashlee didn't know that? What then?
Warning: Not beta'd, mistakes a plenty...please forgive me
Type: Angst, romance
Acknowledgements: Thank you to Jenny for the beautiful banner.
Feedback: Please I love and need feedback! I'm not afraid to beg... *begs* Please!
Rating: PG-13
==14==14==
Ashlee walked along the beach near the lighthouse with her shoes in her hand. She asked Don to drop her off, telling him she wasn’t feeling well, but the truth was she was about to kill that girl Rocky was with if they had stayed any longer at the roadhouse. She took a deep breath and eased herself to the sand. Digging her feet into the cool earth, she pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them. Wrapping her arm around her legs, she stared out into the dark, still water. The wind from the water blew her hair in her face and she shook it back. She traced shapes in the sand next to her with her finger.
She was having a great time with Don before they decided that Towers was too stuffy for just drinks. It was her idea to go to the roadhouse grill. It was one of her favorite places to go with Coop and with other friends because of the laid back vibe. If she had known what she would have to see when she got there… Curling her hand into a fist she slammed it down into the sand. God she was an idiot to think that Rocky might be interested in her. She was just a passing fancy that he obviously got bored with. But that girl…? She growled, frustrated by her own jealousy.
Wasn’t she the one that put a stop to their kissing last time? Wasn’t she the one that decided they were all wrong for each other? And she wasn’t wrong about that. Maybe if he didn’t look so much like Coop. Maybe if he didn’t belong to that family. Maybe if she wasn’t so freaking messed up inside. Maybe then he would be the right guy for her, but Rocky was Coop’s twin and he did belong to the Cooper family and she was so freaking messed up. He needed someone like skanky, dirty dancer slut. He needed someone that was free from all the baggage and that was open. Ashlee hasn’t been open in years. Not since Coop and she wondered now if she really was then.
If she had been why would she be such an idiot and dump him? She knew that Coop was the one she wanted. But she let fear and attraction to another man ruin quite possibly the best and most stable relationship she could ever hope to have. Sometimes she wished she could turn back time, go back to that day, that hour and change it all. She wished she could stop herself from walking out his door because that’s when everything went sideways and wrong. That’s when the world fell off its axis and continued rolling backwards. That’s when she lost herself. For over two years, she struggled with the knowledge that she played a minor role in Coop’s death. If she hadn’t walked out on him, he wouldn’t have tried to find solace with Beth and he wouldn’t have been in that car racing to save the bitch from her own mistakes. She was the one that swung the pendulum that set everything else in motion.
The Coopers should hate her for that. Heaven knows she hated herself. But they didn’t. They opened their arms to her once again becoming the family that she always wanted and how did she thank them? She thanked them by lusting after Coop’s twin. Ashlee felt disgusted with herself. What was wrong with her? Ruining one life and helping destroy a family wasn’t enough, she had to go dipping into the pool again? She should just stay away. She should listen to what she told Rocky to do and just leave them alone. It wasn’t like Ashlee didn’t have enough on her plate with Doris’s illness and she still had to figure out what she was going to do about all her stuff in New Orleans…Maybe that was the answer. Maybe she should just leave Springfield for a while and deal with all of that. By the time she got back, Rocky would just be a fantasy in her wild dreams and she wouldn’t even be a dot on his radar.
‘Don’t you think you are being awfully selfish,’ that voice that she couldn’t quite get away from whispered in her ear like a taunting ghost. ‘Who are you to make decisions for Rocky or his family? You have no idea what is going on in his mind because you are too scared to actually ask. Maybe no one blames you for Coop’s death because he made the decision to be with the death eater knowing that Alan was dangerous. Maybe the blame lies at his feet. Maybe, just maybe, Rocky should be the one to decide if he isn’t interested. Maybe it’s time to stop living in the past. Coop might not hate you for liking his brother. He might have even thought that could be a possibility and that could be why he never mentioned him. And don’t you think two years has been enough punishment? Maybe Rocky won’t be interested, but why don’t you take a chance. It could be just what you need. Did you ever think about that, luv?’
Ashlee shivered as the wind blew across her bare shoulders. She bit her bottom lip and thought about what her little annoying voice said. She was being selfish. She was putting her own fears ahead everything, including other people’s feelings. She closed her eyes and saw him dancing with that girl in the restaurant. His gray blue eyes trained on her as the other woman moved. It never looked like he was that interested in her. Or was that just Ashlee’s wishful thinking? It wasn’t like he stopped her from kissing him at Company or at the roadhouse. He had his hands on her as she ground her ass into his groin. Oh who was she kidding, what guy wouldn’t like that? What guy wouldn’t be turned on by some, she swallowed, attractive female basically having sex with him with her clothes on?
Gathering her shoes from the sand next to her, she stood up and brushed the grains from her jeans. The only way she would know anything for sure was to actually go talk to him. She turned her wrist and looked at the time. It was after ten, Ashlee gnawed her lower lip. What if he wasn’t there? What if the other woman was? Taking a deep breath, she reached down inside of herself for courage. She made it back to her car and then drove to the mansion, quickly realizing that she didn’t have enough bravery to go see Rocky right then. Ashlee walked up the stairs to her room and climbed on the bed. She curled onto her side, feeling her eyelids get heavy even as her mind continued to turn. God she wished Coop was still alive. He was always her rock. He knew how to reach her and make her feel like she could do anything.
‘I didn’t do anything,’ a familiar voice from her past whispered on the wind. She turned over on the bed, her heart thundering wildly in her chest. Coop stood before her wearing the exact same clothes he was wearing the day they broke up. The blue shirt hugged his body like a second skin and those jeans fit him perfectly. She swallowed; convinced she’s finally lost it completely. ‘You aren’t crazy Ashlee. You just needed some guidance and I’m here to give you that.’ She opened and shut her mouth several times as he took a seat next to her prone body on the bed. She reached her hand out to touch him then pulled it back before it made contact. She didn’t know if she could handle not being able to feel him. He took her hand in his and she sucked in breath, feeling tears prickle the backs of her eyes. He was real. His hand was warm, smooth and rough, just like she remembered his hand. ‘I’ve missed you Ashlee.’
She nodded her head, water dropping from her eyes onto her cheeks. ‘I’ve missed you too Coop. God, I’ve missed you so much. I’m sorry for all those stupid things I did. I wish I could go back and change everything because I really did love you. I still do. I was such an idiot for letting you go. If I hadn’t you wouldn’t have-‘
He pressed a finger to her lips and shook his head. ‘You aren’t to blame for any of that. I made my choices. I made the decision to play with fire and I got burned because of it.’ He laughed a little bitterly. ‘Beth was a mistake that I was meant to make. I wasn’t meant to have a long life. It was supposed to happen the way it did. It sucks,’ they laughed together. She wiped at the tears resting on her cheeks. ‘But it was how my life was supposed to go. I want you to know that I loved you every day of my life. I still love you. Ashlee you were and are so special to me. I don’t regret a moment I spent with you. I really think you were the one love I got right.’
Looking down at the comforter between them, she said sadly, ‘But you didn’t trust me.’
‘How did you get that,’ he asked completely confused. Ashlee looked into his eyes and got lost in their familiar depths. ‘I trusted you almost as much as I trusted my family.’
‘You didn’t tell me about Beth,’ she reminded him. ‘You never let me into that part of your life. How could you let me find out on your death bed? Do you have any idea what that did to me? Do you know how hard it was for me to know that you fell in love so quickly after we broke up and you fell in love with her of all people? Why couldn’t you have been honest with me? I was honest with you before you died.’ She stood from the bed and paced the length of the room in front of the bed. ‘I wanted to yell at you for that, but then you took that chance away from me by dying for Beth. She wasn’t worth it, by the way. God I’m still pissed about that. You deserved so much better than that walking toe tag.’ He started laughing from the bed and she swung around to face him. Her cheeks were red with anger and she narrowed her eyes at him, pointing her index finger in his direction. ‘Don’t you dare laugh at me! She is the evil bitch that should have died!’
Coop got off the bed and came to stand in front of her. ‘I’ve missed this fire from you.’ He took her hands in his and led her back to the bed. ‘I didn’t tell you because…I was scared to.’ She rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to snark at him. ‘I was convinced that she was worth my time, but I knew even while I was with her, that you would always be in my heart. Ashlee there is a reason I woke up to your voice and not hers. There are a lot of things I did during that time I would love to take back. Punching Buzz,’ she gasped.
‘You punched your father?’ She curled her hand into a fist and slugged his shoulder as hard as she could.
‘Ouch, damn it Ashlee,’ he rubbed the injured area.
‘Serves you right for hitting Buzz,’ she glared at him. ‘Why did you hit him?’
‘He tried to keep me from going to Beth’s wedding to Alan. He wanted me to stay away from them and that church.’ She slugged him again, harder than before. ‘Ouch, shit, Ashlee, stop it.’
‘Your wonderful, smart father tried to save your ass from Alan and Beth the bitch and you punched him,’ she shook her head. ‘Idiot,’ she glared at him again. ‘I guess you really are Rocky’s twin. By the way, how could you not tell me that piece of information?’
‘Uh,’ he rubbed his eyebrow with his thumb and smiled a sheepish smile. ‘That had nothing to do with you, well not really, I guess maybe a little. I didn’t tell you about Rocky because I knew that you would leave me in a second for him.’ She scoffed. ‘Ashlee, Rocky and you,’ Coop sighed. ‘I remembered your crush on Jonathon. I knew that you would connect with Rocky and he would never be able to resist you.’
‘Uh, genius,’ she waved to her bed. ‘Do you see Rocky anywhere? I’m talking to a ghost. Rocky and I could never be anything. I couldn’t do that to you. It’s like I’m cheating on you with your own brother.’
‘I’ve been dead for years Ashlee,’ he whispered, kissing her cheek. The caress was like the summer breeze, light and sweet. ‘I would never look down on you for moving on. You deserve to have someone love you and Rocky is a little rough but…’
‘He wouldn’t fall in love with me, Coop Cooper,’ Ashlee sighed. ‘And really maybe it’s best that way. He could only be trouble. You were the twin for me and you’re gone.’
‘I’m never gone from your life Ashlee,’ he held her close, hugging her to him. She inhaled the familiar scent of his cologne and felt the tears fill her eyes again. ‘Don’t give up on Rocky before you get the chance to get to know him. He might surprise you.’ He kissed her gently on the lips. ‘I love you, Ashlee Wolfe.’
She whimpered slightly as she lost the feeling of warmth he enveloped her in. ‘I love you, too, Coop Cooper.’ Ashlee watched him stand up from the bed and then disappear. She shot up in the bed and looked out the window. Sunshine came through the sheer curtains in her room. It was a dream, but it felt so real. She touched her lips with her fingers. They still tingled from when he kissed her gently. She smiled, feeling the weights she carried for years lift from her shoulders. He gave her his blessing and freedom from her guilt. She pulled her legs into her body and turned her head to look at the picture on the nightstand of them at her mother’s fundraiser years ago. Reaching out she held the frame in her hand and touched his face with her other hand. “Thank you, Coop for giving me the strength to do what I need to do. You’ll never stop being my first love.” She kissed the picture.
For the first time since his death, Ashlee felt like Coop was watching out for her and that he loved her no matter what. He might even have been the one that led Ashlee to Company that day to meet Rocky. He wanted her to be happy and now she needed to find out if Rocky would make her that way… or if he was even interested in trying. She walked to the window and inhaled. Today was the start of a new chapter in her life…for better or for worse.
End Chapter 14
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