Sigh.
Halloween... ever since I have moved here to the Portland area, I have never had a good Halloween. I remember Rei (djrei) wanting to plan Halloween with me while I was down in Texas... that we would get to hang out and whatnot, and I was all for it--to go out of my way to make sure that day would happen for us. Now that I'm back in Portland, I guess that kinda fell through. My fault, I spose, cause I never brought it up. I must have spaced it cause I realized that we were going to plan something when she said her and Carl started planning their Halloween together. I guess that means she spaced it, too, so it kinda tore my heart out... but it was probably my own hand doing the tearing. Damn me. I fucking suck.
Well, I was talking with Lucy about this, and she said she would love to have me out with her for Halloween. However, she said that she'll also have her on-again/off-again boyfriend with her, and she plans on deciding whether she plans to keep him or not for good (long story, but he's the one not making up his mind). I called it off this week, because I didn't want to be in the middle of it this time. I really don't mind being the fallout guy for her when she goes on dates, but she's been with this guy for a couple months now. I didn't want to be there for that if things go bad and then having me there as the fallout with him still around. Blop.
My Halloween was about to be another lonely one, but Jon (eshin) gave me an opportunity to still go out. He invited me to spin with him at a party a friend of his was throwing. It got my spirits up again, but it got shot down when I couldn't get any kind of transportation to get to the party. I got really pissed off at the situation cause it's what I deal with every fucking day. I live in Forest Butt-Fucking-Egypt Grove, and it takes at least two mother fucking hours by bus & MAX to get into Portland (which I really have NO problem doing to meet with friends). However, I didn't have a way for me to get from downtown Portland to this party other than walking it. With an 80 lbs. record bag? Fuck that. I already hike 30 minutes to the fucking bus carrying that heavy shit, and I didn't feel like getting lost for a fucking hour carrying the bag.
Luckily, Jon was cool enough to offer to pick me up without me having to say much of anything about my situation! This is the best part of my bad luck last night:
So I walk for 30 minutes to the bus stop carrying this 80 lbs. record bag, ride the bus to the MAX for 30 minutes, and ride the MAX (it's a passenger train for those who don't know) for 45 minutes to downtown Portland at PGE Park. Great, all going to plan. Now I'm supposed to call Jon to pick me up. "This PCS service is temporarily unavailable." FUCK ME. I don't know where the party is, I don't have a ride, and I'm pratically stuck in Fred Meyers until I can figure out what to do... cause I didn't want this Halloween to be another fucked up one.
After trying for nearly two hours of getting a hold of Jon (and almost getting kicked out into the fucking cold), I decided to give Rei a call and find out if her and Carl were willing to pick me up inbetween the flurry of things they both had planned together. I'm eternally greatful that they were available (since Rei was planning to hit Jon's place for a few anyways, it worked out--THANKS REI AND CARL).
I got to spin infront of a house full of people in the basement, made a bunch of girls and Jon scream, and somehow made one of the girls get friendly friendly with me after I was done for the night. Blop, I don't need that kind of attention.
Anyways, Jon didn't know his cellphone got shutoff THAT DAY, and it made him feel bad that there wasn't a way for me to get a hold of him. It was all gravy; I wasn't mad at him, really, but at the fucked up luck I've been having. How can I be mad at him for something he didn't control? I told him this... that it was cool. He was still kind enough to drop me off at Willow Creek MAX stop in downtown Portland (which I *forgot* to thank him for... THANK YOU), and I was able to catch the last MAX heading into Hillsboro.
After another 45 minute train ride, I got to wait for 30 minutes in the fucking cold for Bus 57 to pick me up on its last ride. Then I got to walk another 30 fucking minutes in the fucking cold carrying 80 fucking pounds of records to get home. Wee! I must try too hard to make ends meet.
Yet, that natural high felt good when it finally kicked in... kinda helped fend off the cold. It caught up with me when I was melting in the house, though. Sigh. Well, I left that party at 12.45am... and made it home by 3.30am. Not too shabby, I spose, considering that I didn't strand myself in the freezing cold by missing the MAX or bus.
In the end, though, it was still worth it. I don't know what I'd do without friends. Perhaps it's why I try so fucking hard, yet I cannot make things work with all of my friends. I still want to kick it with Frank (archmage), Di (zombiedip), Rachel (delilahbowie), Joe (karzon), Mike (polarbear), Sasha (zendancer), Nate (vidboi), Jesse (plastiCRAPPING), hindimoire, Nicole (gelasia), and so on...
Someday... when I get that job that lets me be free to do more things... so that I'm not stranded far away from everyone's reach (but why is everyone in MY reach?)
Sigh, apologies if anyone is offended. Maybe I'm not even ready for friends, let alone a relationship.
I'm a happy person! There's no reason to be upset/sad/whatever for things I cannot control! ... but holy fucking shit, I'm so fucking lonely out here... and bored. Why can't I just live near my friends, so they can come see me and hang out or wisk me away?
Sorry, I'm just being jealous. :(
Well, I was talking with Lucy about this, and she said she would love to have me out with her for Halloween. However, she said that she'll also have her on-again/off-again boyfriend with her, and she plans on deciding whether she plans to keep him or not for good (long story, but he's the one not making up his mind). I called it off this week, because I didn't want to be in the middle of it this time. I really don't mind being the fallout guy for her when she goes on dates, but she's been with this guy for a couple months now. I didn't want to be there for that if things go bad and then having me there as the fallout with him still around. Blop.
My Halloween was about to be another lonely one, but Jon (eshin) gave me an opportunity to still go out. He invited me to spin with him at a party a friend of his was throwing. It got my spirits up again, but it got shot down when I couldn't get any kind of transportation to get to the party. I got really pissed off at the situation cause it's what I deal with every fucking day. I live in Forest Butt-Fucking-Egypt Grove, and it takes at least two mother fucking hours by bus & MAX to get into Portland (which I really have NO problem doing to meet with friends). However, I didn't have a way for me to get from downtown Portland to this party other than walking it. With an 80 lbs. record bag? Fuck that. I already hike 30 minutes to the fucking bus carrying that heavy shit, and I didn't feel like getting lost for a fucking hour carrying the bag.
Luckily, Jon was cool enough to offer to pick me up without me having to say much of anything about my situation! This is the best part of my bad luck last night:
So I walk for 30 minutes to the bus stop carrying this 80 lbs. record bag, ride the bus to the MAX for 30 minutes, and ride the MAX (it's a passenger train for those who don't know) for 45 minutes to downtown Portland at PGE Park. Great, all going to plan. Now I'm supposed to call Jon to pick me up. "This PCS service is temporarily unavailable." FUCK ME. I don't know where the party is, I don't have a ride, and I'm pratically stuck in Fred Meyers until I can figure out what to do... cause I didn't want this Halloween to be another fucked up one.
After trying for nearly two hours of getting a hold of Jon (and almost getting kicked out into the fucking cold), I decided to give Rei a call and find out if her and Carl were willing to pick me up inbetween the flurry of things they both had planned together. I'm eternally greatful that they were available (since Rei was planning to hit Jon's place for a few anyways, it worked out--THANKS REI AND CARL).
I got to spin infront of a house full of people in the basement, made a bunch of girls and Jon scream, and somehow made one of the girls get friendly friendly with me after I was done for the night. Blop, I don't need that kind of attention.
Anyways, Jon didn't know his cellphone got shutoff THAT DAY, and it made him feel bad that there wasn't a way for me to get a hold of him. It was all gravy; I wasn't mad at him, really, but at the fucked up luck I've been having. How can I be mad at him for something he didn't control? I told him this... that it was cool. He was still kind enough to drop me off at Willow Creek MAX stop in downtown Portland (which I *forgot* to thank him for... THANK YOU), and I was able to catch the last MAX heading into Hillsboro.
After another 45 minute train ride, I got to wait for 30 minutes in the fucking cold for Bus 57 to pick me up on its last ride. Then I got to walk another 30 fucking minutes in the fucking cold carrying 80 fucking pounds of records to get home. Wee! I must try too hard to make ends meet.
Yet, that natural high felt good when it finally kicked in... kinda helped fend off the cold. It caught up with me when I was melting in the house, though. Sigh. Well, I left that party at 12.45am... and made it home by 3.30am. Not too shabby, I spose, considering that I didn't strand myself in the freezing cold by missing the MAX or bus.
In the end, though, it was still worth it. I don't know what I'd do without friends. Perhaps it's why I try so fucking hard, yet I cannot make things work with all of my friends. I still want to kick it with Frank (archmage), Di (zombiedip), Rachel (delilahbowie), Joe (karzon), Mike (polarbear), Sasha (zendancer), Nate (vidboi), Jesse (plastiCRAPPING), hindimoire, Nicole (gelasia), and so on...
Someday... when I get that job that lets me be free to do more things... so that I'm not stranded far away from everyone's reach (but why is everyone in MY reach?)
Sigh, apologies if anyone is offended. Maybe I'm not even ready for friends, let alone a relationship.
I'm a happy person! There's no reason to be upset/sad/whatever for things I cannot control! ... but holy fucking shit, I'm so fucking lonely out here... and bored. Why can't I just live near my friends, so they can come see me and hang out or wisk me away?
Sorry, I'm just being jealous. :(