My Ultimate Test........Is To.......
I woke up some time after midnight, meditated, and refused to try to get more sleep...... .
Why?
As embarrassed as I am to admit this, I, even after all my training, found myself witnessing 'messages' '/' 'explanations' from 'the' 'subanime' 'Caucasian' 'incarnation' 'of' 'P*kemon' 'D*wn'..... .
The one was 'trying' 'to' 'contact' 'at' me........, and I noted the same as Sunday, Tuesday, and Wednesday (I have yet report Sunday and Tuesday's events).
From what I could tell, I noticed the one doing 'explanations' 'for' 'past' 'bad' 'behavior' 'shown'...... .
I woke with chest pain IRL after witnessing 'phantom' 'text' 'pages', 'and' 'etc'.
Me?
I admitted something toni..today... . Currently, I am ***NOT*** performing like I did...when XIII years ago. Back when I witnessed '2002-2004', back when I faced at 'J*hovah', I saw a glimpse of my true potential? I was able to read and *MEMORIZE* at 'college' 'textbooks' overnight, and I even noted volunteer tutoring jobs for 'astronomy' and 'biology' 'classes' offered at me. Lol. I noted '128' 'grades' in certain classes when I did not even study......daily.... . I did not even know how to study, or what studying even was.....until noting college. In a couple years ('2002-2006').....I was able to push my performance levels...(in certain focused endeavors) to startling heights.
I don't know what it was exactly..., but some point, I ***LET UP***.....on my figurative "gas pedal".
I ***REALLY*** slowed down.... .
Maybe it was after and even because I noted 'J*hovah' 'defeated'......??
Maybe it was because I noted 'mortals' 'so' 'horribly' 'weak'......'and' 'handicapped' 'at' a mental level.......('no' 'applicable' 'rivals'...'that' 'didn't' 'cheat' 'to' 'get' 'to' 'the' 'top')???
(*Felt a supportive caress to the back of my left leg*).
Maybe it is / was because I witnessed 'unstimulating' '&' 'b*nerk*lling' 'slobs' 'of' 'XX' 'chromosome' 'types'.......???
Maybe it is, too, because....ago......., I looked beyond myself, and strove and struggled to protect the innocent from 'evil'? (And..that before noting 'how' 'evil' 'subanime' 'mankind' 'is' ('no' 'less' 'evil' than 'any' 'evil' 'subanime' 'or' 'anime' 'g*d').
........................ .
Me? My current level? (*Shakes my head*). My current level, and tonight's performance which has me experiencing deep shame? I am not going to embrace 'immaturity' and blame the '2016' 'author'...... . The only reason I could / would / should....***KEEP*** witnessing that one..., has to relate to some manifestation of my own condition. There is either *something* I have not been doing, or *something* that I am....doing.....that is keeping me...relatively "stuck".
XIV years ago, me.., sacrificially giving all I had and pushing all my capacities to the max (with suppressed "governer" protocols)...had me about level.....to my *current*...mountain sanctuary setting ***RESTING*** levels... .
Hmmmmmm............... .
As weary as I am, I have to find some way to surpass my current performance levels, and shoot faaaaar faaaaaaaar past this current "hump".
My ultimate test..., now and for me, is to surpass my current......"performance caps".... .
Maybe I have only "slumped" in my current dimension diving and fluid world events because I am having to "radiate heat" after going full tilt../ full action.......over a decade ago.....?????(*Noticed how I have not spotted any ejected Infiniversal Routing Expanse structures recently*). Such would make sense, especially now that I actually have *functional* amenities available to me for an initial time during this trial.....(a riverfront house, a washing machine and dryer, hardwood floors, multiple workshops, a natural spring for water, etc).
(*Notes that I need, eventually, to not even witness subanime or even anime....period....during fluid world and dimension diving events, and that....so...I may have a sign and testament given towards true recovery*).
I am going to implement a new training regimen......taking place from this month onward..... .
The goal is to have, by this time next year, muuuuuuch muuuuuuuuuuuuuvh higher levels of performance. (*Thinks deeply*). (*Remembers my training regimen from XIII years ago*).
Maybe though....I need some time to enjoy....actually living in a decent living environment...... . This is new for me....here. No 'ghettos'. No 'drug' 'dealers'. No 'roaches' 'and' 'rats'. No 'drama'.....(and that is the way it's going to stay).