i fall to pieces. . .
Friday- played with arnold during the day; joey arrived that night; stayed in & fell asleep early
Saturday- did nothing all day; met the family at applebee's; borrowed Sex & the City from judy; stayed in & watched the entire first season
i did a lot of thinking over this weekend. i laid in bed for about an hour & a half yesterday afternoon and i listened to my sad music & just thought about everything. i don't really like who i am. i used to be really happy with myself, but then i realized that i'm lazy, grumpy, moody & kind of mean a lot of the time. i have my moments where i'm sweet & nice [ people rarely see those moments ] but i don't know, things are just weird. i'm so frustrated with a lot of things. school, my friends, my family. i loove my friends & family, but maybe this feeling that i'm having is just making it difficult to be around people. lately, i don't want to go anywhere. i just always wanna stay home, watch tv, sleep. & on top of everything, i have that gut-wrenching feeling. i guess it's a sort of panic that shows up unexpectedly and won't go away.
so i decided that i'm not going to go watch Mu Dv Ay Ne. my dad was disappointed in me with my report card, so i guess it's just not a good time to ask, and even if i bought a ticket, i'd probably change my mind at the last minute & i'd be 25 bucks short of cash.
on a lighter note, i saw claree in the paper this morning :) she's one of my very best friends :)
so prom's coming up. i don't want to go. i really don't, but it's about time i actually got my ass up and did something. more than likely i'm just going to be taking votes for king & queen, but i'm tired of changing my mind all the time. my mom told me that it disappoints her when i do that. my excuse was that i'm a teenager, but she said that she thought she raised me better than that. & she did, so i think i should put some of my own feelings aside & just concentrate on making her & my dad happy. i know that ever since my brother left, i've been their main concern. it hurt my feelings when my mom told me that she & my dad fight about me. i don't want to be responsible for anything bad happening. i'm gonna start caring about things now.
Saturday- did nothing all day; met the family at applebee's; borrowed Sex & the City from judy; stayed in & watched the entire first season
i did a lot of thinking over this weekend. i laid in bed for about an hour & a half yesterday afternoon and i listened to my sad music & just thought about everything. i don't really like who i am. i used to be really happy with myself, but then i realized that i'm lazy, grumpy, moody & kind of mean a lot of the time. i have my moments where i'm sweet & nice [ people rarely see those moments ] but i don't know, things are just weird. i'm so frustrated with a lot of things. school, my friends, my family. i loove my friends & family, but maybe this feeling that i'm having is just making it difficult to be around people. lately, i don't want to go anywhere. i just always wanna stay home, watch tv, sleep. & on top of everything, i have that gut-wrenching feeling. i guess it's a sort of panic that shows up unexpectedly and won't go away.
so i decided that i'm not going to go watch Mu Dv Ay Ne. my dad was disappointed in me with my report card, so i guess it's just not a good time to ask, and even if i bought a ticket, i'd probably change my mind at the last minute & i'd be 25 bucks short of cash.
on a lighter note, i saw claree in the paper this morning :) she's one of my very best friends :)
so prom's coming up. i don't want to go. i really don't, but it's about time i actually got my ass up and did something. more than likely i'm just going to be taking votes for king & queen, but i'm tired of changing my mind all the time. my mom told me that it disappoints her when i do that. my excuse was that i'm a teenager, but she said that she thought she raised me better than that. & she did, so i think i should put some of my own feelings aside & just concentrate on making her & my dad happy. i know that ever since my brother left, i've been their main concern. it hurt my feelings when my mom told me that she & my dad fight about me. i don't want to be responsible for anything bad happening. i'm gonna start caring about things now.