Just a few Past Encounters of Sexual Harassment
4 years ago (May 2007) I was at a house party. The same man hit on me 4 separate times. He was severely intoxicated and quite demeaning. I went downstairs where the music was playing to hang out by a friend.
Tom, the intoxicated man, walked up and grabbed my ass. I punched him in the face. (apparently, he's the kind of ma who hits back, but fortunately he was too intoxicated to do so.) I was also grateful for my friend standing there next to me--a man over 6 foot tall. Otherwise, I would have been scared shitless, instead of feeling violated and annoyed.
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Another time (August 2009) I was on a business trip at a hotel bar having food and drinks with a QA manager from a grocery store chain, talking a little bit with the bartender and watching the tv, too. A man yelled from across the bar, "Hey! You wanna sit up straighter for my viewing pleasure?"
(Don't you fucking dare tell me to take that as a compliment.)
I tried mocking his misogyny as he leered at another young woman, openly and verbally "cat calling" her or whatever. I grew up around misogyny and wasn't good at being assertive yet.
"Oh just ignore him," a female friend of his said.
I tried to ignore him.
I was chatting with the bar tender and I got excited about something and accidentally sat up straighter.
"Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!" the strange man said to me. I was so humiliated I immediately covered my chest with my arms and hunched down.
Lots of thoughts were going through my head, including "That guy is such a fucking creep! What if he follows me? So glad I'm not alone.)
Tommy, the QA manager (and former cop) whom I was with showed disapproval.
After dinner and drinks, Tommy made sure I made it safely back to my hotel room.
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Two Winter Solstices ago, I was at an event to celebrate the solstice. I went to the bar area to order a beer and noticed a man wearing a Twins baseball T-shirt, so I asked him about baseball, which is a passion of mine. He, and his friend, weren't interested in talking baseball and decided, instead to repeatedly call me "Boobs" and "Boobalicious."
"Don't call me that. I have a name," I would say.
"Well, we don't know your name, Boobs."
"My name is--" They kept interrupting me and laughing.
Since I could not get through to them, I asked a male friend. He did his best to explain that I only said hi, because of the baseball shirt and that I wasn't asking for anything and that they were really disrespectful to me. The middle-aged man apologized. The man with the wedding ring refused to apologized and continued to laugh.
Several days later, I tried talking to my oldest brother about the incident. You'd think they would be sympathetic, right? You'd think they wouldn't want their little sisters objectified, right?
I also told him about the occasions where my soon-to-be-adopted cousin sexually harassed me. (I told my aunt about the incidences, but she adopted him anyway. I was 13. He was 12. I guess I thought I would be advocated for, but I guess not.)
My brother told me I should take those remarks as compliments.
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
"But these aren't compliments!"
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Other people say, "No harm, no foul."
Aside from many of these statements being degrading and insulting, the physical threat felt real. Maybe it was real. Maybe nothing worse happened, because I wasn't alone.
Last summer (July/August 2010), I was in downtown Stillwater. My oldest brother wanted to hang out and was meeting a friend there. So, I went and met the both of them. We bar hopped. The last bar was like a giant machine shed but with dance floors and stages. They played poppy music and people danced.
There was an intoxicated woman and I overheard her boyfriend/fiance call her a bitch. "Don't call her that!" I said, adamantly, "Apologize to her!" He didn't seem to care.
I told her and she was upset. "My friends tell me he calls me that, but I don't believe them because I thought they were just jealous, but you're a total stranger."
I babysat her a while. We were sitting on an empty stage. My brother and his friend disappeared. I was sitting there and a 20-something man reached over and snapped my bra strap.
"Holy fucking shit! He just touched me!" I freaked out.
Terrified, I grabbed him by the throat and squeezed, pushing up toward his jaw. I screamed at him (and his friend sitting next to him) that "I do NOT let men treat me that way!"
The bouncers stood about 20-feet away, half-watching, half-pretending nothing was happening.
I grabbed his throat and nearly dropped him down on the first stage of the step. I lost my footing and my grasp. He and his friend ran off.
My heart was racing. I looked back at the bouncers, telling them what happened. They just stared blankly.
I still didn't know where the people I was with were, or how I was going to get back. I called repeatedly and finally got an answer.
I made it back safely.
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These types of things are things that many women encounter or worry about every day.
Am I safe?
Is that man following me?
Where is a public place I can detour to in case he is following me?
Do we think these thought about all men? No.
Do we think all men are evil and will rape/assault us? No.
But, just the possibility is incredibly scary.
And this problem is everybody's to fix.
Get informed. Get educated. Get involved.
-------------------------------------------------
Resources:
Sexual Assault Statistics:http://www.rainn.org/statistics
The Aurora Center: http://www1.umn.edu/aurora/index.html
What men can do: http://www.jacksonkatz.com/wmcd.html
More on gender violence: http://www.unfpa.org/gender/violence.htm
Feel free to share your own stories in the comments section.
Misogynistic or threatening comments will be deleted.
Tom, the intoxicated man, walked up and grabbed my ass. I punched him in the face. (apparently, he's the kind of ma who hits back, but fortunately he was too intoxicated to do so.) I was also grateful for my friend standing there next to me--a man over 6 foot tall. Otherwise, I would have been scared shitless, instead of feeling violated and annoyed.
------------------------------------------
Another time (August 2009) I was on a business trip at a hotel bar having food and drinks with a QA manager from a grocery store chain, talking a little bit with the bartender and watching the tv, too. A man yelled from across the bar, "Hey! You wanna sit up straighter for my viewing pleasure?"
(Don't you fucking dare tell me to take that as a compliment.)
I tried mocking his misogyny as he leered at another young woman, openly and verbally "cat calling" her or whatever. I grew up around misogyny and wasn't good at being assertive yet.
"Oh just ignore him," a female friend of his said.
I tried to ignore him.
I was chatting with the bar tender and I got excited about something and accidentally sat up straighter.
"Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!" the strange man said to me. I was so humiliated I immediately covered my chest with my arms and hunched down.
Lots of thoughts were going through my head, including "That guy is such a fucking creep! What if he follows me? So glad I'm not alone.)
Tommy, the QA manager (and former cop) whom I was with showed disapproval.
After dinner and drinks, Tommy made sure I made it safely back to my hotel room.
-------------------------------------------------
Two Winter Solstices ago, I was at an event to celebrate the solstice. I went to the bar area to order a beer and noticed a man wearing a Twins baseball T-shirt, so I asked him about baseball, which is a passion of mine. He, and his friend, weren't interested in talking baseball and decided, instead to repeatedly call me "Boobs" and "Boobalicious."
"Don't call me that. I have a name," I would say.
"Well, we don't know your name, Boobs."
"My name is--" They kept interrupting me and laughing.
Since I could not get through to them, I asked a male friend. He did his best to explain that I only said hi, because of the baseball shirt and that I wasn't asking for anything and that they were really disrespectful to me. The middle-aged man apologized. The man with the wedding ring refused to apologized and continued to laugh.
Several days later, I tried talking to my oldest brother about the incident. You'd think they would be sympathetic, right? You'd think they wouldn't want their little sisters objectified, right?
I also told him about the occasions where my soon-to-be-adopted cousin sexually harassed me. (I told my aunt about the incidences, but she adopted him anyway. I was 13. He was 12. I guess I thought I would be advocated for, but I guess not.)
My brother told me I should take those remarks as compliments.
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
"But these aren't compliments!"
----------------------------------------------
Other people say, "No harm, no foul."
Aside from many of these statements being degrading and insulting, the physical threat felt real. Maybe it was real. Maybe nothing worse happened, because I wasn't alone.
Last summer (July/August 2010), I was in downtown Stillwater. My oldest brother wanted to hang out and was meeting a friend there. So, I went and met the both of them. We bar hopped. The last bar was like a giant machine shed but with dance floors and stages. They played poppy music and people danced.
There was an intoxicated woman and I overheard her boyfriend/fiance call her a bitch. "Don't call her that!" I said, adamantly, "Apologize to her!" He didn't seem to care.
I told her and she was upset. "My friends tell me he calls me that, but I don't believe them because I thought they were just jealous, but you're a total stranger."
I babysat her a while. We were sitting on an empty stage. My brother and his friend disappeared. I was sitting there and a 20-something man reached over and snapped my bra strap.
"Holy fucking shit! He just touched me!" I freaked out.
Terrified, I grabbed him by the throat and squeezed, pushing up toward his jaw. I screamed at him (and his friend sitting next to him) that "I do NOT let men treat me that way!"
The bouncers stood about 20-feet away, half-watching, half-pretending nothing was happening.
I grabbed his throat and nearly dropped him down on the first stage of the step. I lost my footing and my grasp. He and his friend ran off.
My heart was racing. I looked back at the bouncers, telling them what happened. They just stared blankly.
I still didn't know where the people I was with were, or how I was going to get back. I called repeatedly and finally got an answer.
I made it back safely.
--------------------------------------------------
These types of things are things that many women encounter or worry about every day.
Am I safe?
Is that man following me?
Where is a public place I can detour to in case he is following me?
Do we think these thought about all men? No.
Do we think all men are evil and will rape/assault us? No.
But, just the possibility is incredibly scary.
And this problem is everybody's to fix.
Get informed. Get educated. Get involved.
-------------------------------------------------
Resources:
Sexual Assault Statistics:http://www.rainn.org/statistics
The Aurora Center: http://www1.umn.edu/aurora/index.html
What men can do: http://www.jacksonkatz.com/wmcd.html
More on gender violence: http://www.unfpa.org/gender/violence.htm
Feel free to share your own stories in the comments section.
Misogynistic or threatening comments will be deleted.