(no subject)
Just felt like writing. Sometimes I feel a pull to it. Life has been stressful lately. I hate saying that because as I say it, even as I am thinking it right now, I realize how good I have it and how shameful it is to complain about grades or being sick or feeling furustrated. My life is full of blessings. Yes, I just said that. Chock full. Isn't that a brand of coffee? I may not be conventionally religious ( stop laughing!) but I do think there are lucky things in life; things you need to take a minute to appreciate and marvel over. I have a million blessings and I try not to let them go unnoticed. Otherwise, what's the point of having them in the first place? But I feel bogged down sometimes, like I'm coming up short with everything, everywhere. School is really challenging me and then again, my life is more complicated now. The complications are good, enriching, beautiful ones though. I suppose it is a warped balance. I'm not so lonely now and I have an amazing support system. I can not even put into words what that means to me. I really can't. No matter how bad the day, no matter how low my mood, I know you will be around. That is such a nice thought when the road I'm traveling seems dark and I feel so lost. Thank you thank you thank you. A thousand times.
I'm feeling a tinsy tiny bit better, so not to curse it, but maybe the end is near with the sickness. And I didn't even throw up today!! Woo-hoo!! I just realized I'm not that intimate with some of my readers so if I grossed you out..........good. I mean.......sorry. Hopefully, I'll be all better soon.
I guess what I'm trying to say is nothing could take away the constants in my life. At least it seems that way. My mom and dad still surprise me with how much they love me. Even sick and grumpy, they must have told me a million times how they love having me home and how much they enjoy hanging out with Greg and I, especially as we get older. God, my parents are one of the biggest gifts I will ever recieve. There are people that mean more to me than life itself. As long as I have them, I am alright, and nothing seems so impossible.
It's Nick's birthday tomorrow. I can't help thinking about how close we have grown in a year. How last year I hardly knew him. How much I depend on him and care for him and how truly I really do love him. At this point, there's nothing I really can't tell him and he comforts me like nothing else can. Baby, if you read this, please know that you have enriched me over and over, day in and day out, and even our most boring conversations bring a special perspective and light to my life. I can't remember much about the time before you because the time with you has been so intense, introspective, amusing, intriguing, enriching, and overall, amazing. You help me to be better, as I hope I help you. I think sometimes we were meant to meet. Thankfully, we did. I am so proud of your life and your path and your person. You constantly make me feel alive, I could never give you enough gifts or express in so many words what you have given me. Can I ever repay you? I think we repay one another in support and friendship and passion. I hope I do a little for you of what you do for me. Even a small fraction. I have complete faith in you. Your life is going so many places. Wherever it takes you and whereever you go, it's incredible. You're incredible. HAPPY BIRTHDAYYY!!! Muah. Sorry, corny boyfriend aside that could not be helped seeing as birthday is tomorrow.
Anyways, I could write about the drama, hurt feelings, tension, stress, and furustration, but really, what's the point? With so little time and so much good, I don't see the use. I love you all and I'm completely grateful for everyone in my life. On my bad days, sick days, horribly funny days, and oh the cynical ones, you are there for me, rubbing my back, hugging away the tears, probing the silence, or even loudly laughing away the irony and pain. The biggest blessing is in there somewhere. I could complain about everything and everyone, but I'd rather count the gifts than cross them out. I get trapped in negativity, everyone does, but it's nice to get out once and a while--to bask in the sun.
Love Always, Jenna