(no subject)
Mmmm. Long day. My brain is tired. Mainly because my classes are sucking the life out of me. Slowly. While I did wait to study until Sunday night, I also studied for like three and a half hours this morning for my Lit by Women test and I just have a bad feeling about it. It was wayyy too much work to do right. With only an hour of class, I really thought the test should have been shorter. When teachers give you too many questions and not enough time to answer them, the answers aren't going to be great. Most likely they're going to be pretty crappy. I hope I passed. Argh. I hate that feeling after you turn in the test and you know maybe you could have done better. You want to grab the test back, but you can't. Man. Hindsight kills. In other academic news (my life news apparently) skipped History to study Bio, which hopefully I did pretty well on, but who knows. So many technical terms, so many complicated body processes. It's amazing how humans work. Really, if you don't believe in something higher, even if it's science, that's curious because everything is too intricate and connected not to. Bodies rock my world. Although we learned about kidney machines today....not the best thing after lunch. Tank o' blood!
I'm contemplating whether to take a shower or to take a nap. Elle has already decided to forgo the shower, so perhaps I will as well. Showerless roommates: always a good thing. I think I might do both actually. I have a gap of time before dinner and this mandatory speaker thing for Phi Mu. Ahhhh just found Course books are out..... next semester is probably going to be even harder than this one. All I ask is just one semester with no Friday classes! Come on people!!! You can do it!!! Hopefully, that is possible. I'm going to really try. I'm also trying not to stress out about school but I'm trying hard and I hope it pays off. The classes are a lot more challenging though, which has both some benefits and definite drawbacks. Lot on my mind. Just need to take a step back.
Today I saw Age's letter from David and the Hungarian writing. I realized how much I miss it there. I miss it soo much. Just even the way the letters look on the streets, I never could really understand the signs but they were like poetry. I lived with this constant vibe of beauty. There was so much mystery in every day. So much adventure. My life in Hungary was so full. Sometimes I felt as if I could not take it a second longer. But I see now that even when I wanted to go home, I secretly was falling in love. It is certainly one of the most breathtaking places I have ever seen and will ever live in. I long for the magic of the foreign. The words in this Hungarian magazine are gold, they might as well have been embroidered on the page. They stun me. Gah. I want to feel that again. Walking down the street was exotic. I felt so idependent and free at the hotel. Now I sometimes feel ordinary and constrained again. I think it was the trips. They changed me and I'll never forget the feeling of losing my cares in different countries. There is so much of the world. And it is standing there, buying time in line. Eager to be appreciated, waiting to be experienced. But you'll never see it if you never look.
Love Always, Jenna