Take me as I am :)
So it's about noon on Saturday. Just got back from brunch with Age and Tom. Glar is really lacking on the muffins. They used to have the lemon poppyseed everyday. Slackers. Sickening. I'm really glad it's the weekend, this week was madness in regards to my stress level. All my classes are really challenging me this semester. Even the ones I thought would be easy are testing my ability to write. My teacher often gives me good grades but she rarely completely agrees with my points. I'm opinionated and I suppose it comes out in my words, but poetry does make me a little squeamish. It's a balance I guess. I always want to succeed with everything I'm involved in and this year is no different. Except that it is. I feel a lot of pressure for some reason. Gonna try to catch up on a lot of my schoolwork before the play tonight. Yea Dracula!!! Really looking foward to that, haven't been to the theatre in a while. Also feel drawn to read the story. Might be the weather entincing me.
In other less secretarial news, yesterday was Bid Day. It was a very good time. I know I'm not the girl in the group who knows every song and every bit of history (one asks, do I know any?), but I do really love the people. I have so much fun and I was really, really proud to be in Red Square singing those songs and standing there as a unit with those girls. They are my girls. I'm all about individuality and following a path no one else knows, but there is something comforting about standing with the ones you love. I cannot contain my pride for the people I live with. I wish everyone could see what I see. The girls we are bringing into the sorority are also topnotch. I know they belong here and it's a special thing to hear them say they want in. I remember being in that spot and not knowing what to expect. I sometimes still don't know what to expect. Whether I always admit it or not, Phi Mu is a great backbone for me. I'm lucky to have them-I dreamed of having a sister all my life. No matter how I hard I tried Greggie just didn't take to the idea of a sexchange....wow, upsetting image. But now I have sisters. :)
I was sitting on the couch with Age during the post-yelling/singing festivities and Beetz came over to us and got in the middle. She was like let's make it the whole group, and I thought she was talking about Phi Mu but she was like Kae, Raquel, Elle....get over here!!! She meant the B Day Bunch. For a couple seconds we were all right there again. We fit together in this certain way. It's been rocky for a while, but that moment on the couch made my heart sing. You can see it in the pictures too. There is just something about when we get together. I have been neglecting that feeling. I have been lamenting it and all at the same time, packing it away somehow to put in a dusty closet of my memory. Beetzy knows that and she's telling me not to lock it up. Not yet anyway. We were defying our times apart, we were fighting to be us again. We are not the same. But we are us. Nothing makes me happier.
Today really feels like fall. The leave-littered ground holds so much possibility. Even the air smells different. Very cool and calm. There's that hint of fire on the wind. I thought of my coats-how they would be on me soon. I wanted to curl up and read by the window and take walks talking forever with the setting sun. Soon I can wake up to a million colors and hold steaming cups in the chilly morning. Fall has an allure about it. It is in fact a falling in love.
Hope fall finds you well. Love, Jenna