Padonkahdoodles!!
Sooooo.....
Feeling much better. It's been an insane week. Many ups and downs. I've seen a lot of disturbing images on tv, I've cried a lot, procrastinated, crammed, I've been entirely self-absorbed, I've been a bad friend, a good friend, I've laughed so much it hurt, been trapped, found peace, and lost it for a little while before getting it back. I've been living. I realized I've been full circle again and that's okay because sometimes you have to go back to go forward. A cliche, but a true one. Nothing wrong with an old truth.
Just went running and it felt great. I'm not looking forward to class tomorrow.....4 in a row.....someone bite me. Very, very hard. But I am looking forward to going to see my baby. No....not pregnant. Let us all rejoice. That's a pretty picture. I mean I'm excited to spend time with Nick again. We can just do nothing and it's fun. It's one of my favorite things.
I'm trying not to let school stress me out. Granted it is the second week. But the work is already piling up and it's much more advanced. They actually expect you to know things by your third year. Preposterous..... the nerve. So I have a confession to make. I feel slightly inadequate next to all of the other English majors who clearly know just as much about writing and literature than I do. Many seem to know more. I know there are always people in life who are going to beat you; they'll know more and be better and often it helps to just accept that and move on. Trying to move into the acceptance phase right now. I just wonder if it will ever go anywhere you know? Will I be someone behind a 9 to 5 desk pretending I was good at English a long time ago? Am I even that good? Sometimes you just doubt your abilities. It's not healthy to do all the time but there are those moments when the fear sets in. Can't help it. I start imagining my career as a giftwrapper at a JCPenny Customer Service Desk (Would you like a red bow or blue? NO we don't have yellow..... I SAID RED OR BLUE!!!!!!!!!) instead of living out my dream....to write something, anything really, that people can relate to, a commentary of waking up everyday and dealing with everything that happens along the way. In the course of a morning and in the course of a lifetime. Such a bumpy, tiring road. It's so close I can taste it. But are my tastebuds entertaining some twisted fantasy of their own? Can tastebuds think for themselves? Yeaaaa.....I'm thinking no. Although now I'd like to have an indepth conversation with my tongue.
Hope everyone is well. Thanks for hanging in there with me this week. To a certain someone here at school....I really needed you and you came through like always. I love you infinity. I'm so grateful you show up and listen and care like you do. Bay. Way to go. I would also like to inform readers of this journie, yes, all four of you, that we're gonna have a Bakesale to raise money for Katrina victims. We're gonna call it Padonkah Bake.....and we're creating a new cookie that I predict will become quite a sensation. Yes folks....Padonkahdoodles. Babamrownies.That's right, my house, baking, inventive new treats with fantastic new names. This is just the beginning. Taking over tastebuds today. Tomorrow....the world.
I think they'll be better than Snickerdoodles too. Snicker this.
So much love, Jenna