A Family Affair
Title: A Family Affair
Pairing: JaeChun
Rating: Pg-13
Length: Oneshot
Genre: Romance, Humor
Summary: Yoochun really doesn't like the way the other artists in the company act around Jaejoong
When Jaejoong created the CJeS kakaotalk group, Yoochun hadn't really thought anything of it. After all, creating katalk groups seemed to be a hobby of the older man's. Yoochun himself was somehow a member of six Jaejoong-created groups, including one that was ominously titled “TAKEN” and consisted of a bunch of married dudes that Yoochun hadn't even met before.
He also didn't think anything of the emoji filled good morning messages that Jaejoong typed to the group everyday, nor the stupidly cute good luck or ~get better~ or cheer up!s that would appear in the group chat every time someone was having an off day. Sure, the instructional 'how to use crutches' video that Jaejoong had recorded and sent to Lee JungJae after the older man hurt his leg was probably a little over the top and unnecessary, as was the video of him singing happy birthday to Jihyo, but this was Jaejoong afterall so it.was.totally.okay
However, it became less okay when Jaejoong called Yoochun and gushed about how cool their fellow company members were for what seemed like hours a time (Yoohwan pointed out it was only a few minutes but what did Yoohwan know anyway)
“Can you believe it, Yoochunnie? I can just take out my phone and message the cast of Oldboy whenever I want. Oldboy! Doesn't it feel surreal?"
Yoochun picked at the threads of his bed sheet, phone digging a little too harshly into his shoulder. Oldboy was just a movie. Hell, he had done a movie too and it was also a thriller and it was also great and didn't he also win a bunch of awards for it? But it was okay. Oldboy was a classic so it.was.totally.okay
“How many times have you seen that movie, hyung?” Yoochun asked because he was too curious for his own good.
“I have no idea. At least 10”
Ten!
10?
Ten??
Well, Yoochun thought...ten times....that.....really wasn't okay.
~~~***~~~
Kakaotalk Group: No Country for Old Men
Members: Junsu, Yoochun
Yoochun: Junsu, hyung has seen Oldboy 10 times
Junsu: Junho told me that if you eat too much sashimi that you can get a tape worm
Yoochun: …..
Yoochun: what
Yoochun: Can u really?
Junsu: Oh, are we not stating random facts?
Junsu: Yeah, you want to see pics?
Yoochun: Of ur hyung's tapeworm? No thx.
Yoochun: But really. Jae has seen Oldboy 10 times
Junsu: ok?
Yoochun: U kno how many times hes seen Haemoo?
Junsu: You know how many times he saw my last musical??????
Yoochun: Hes only gone to Haemoo 3 times!
Junsu: he went to my musical 3 less times than that
Yoochun: what do u think this means?
Junsu: That he doesn't know I'm in musicals
Yoochun: Does he like Hyejung noona? Or Minsik hyung?
Junsu:....do /you/ even know I'm in musicals?
Yoochun put down his phone. Junsu was really no help.
~~~***~~~
It was turning into one of those kind of annoying nights, so Yoochun decided to venture outside of his house and to the bar that he frequented.
He tumbled into the bar, face half covered with a lumpy, knitted scarf and a beanie pushed down low on his head. He was wearing a sweatsuit underneath his oversized canvas jacket and the ladies at the other end of the room were looking at him with what seemed like the opposite of interest.
But it didn't really matter because one of those ladies looked a bit like Hyejung noona and that was not okay right now...
“Yoochun-ah!” the bar owner, a long time friend, cooed as he made his way over “I was wondering when you would get here?”
“Huh?” Yoochun muttered unintelligibly.
“Jaejoong and the other have been here for a good hour already”
“Huh?” Yoochun repeated as he let himself be dragged into the back of the bar. He had come here hoping to drink in solitude and contemplate his choices in life and movies and casting and life and...
The bar owner opened the door to a private room and inside, surrounded by soju bottles, were Jaejoong and Gummy and Jung Sukwon all laughing and looking like they had just stepped off the set of a fashion magazine.
Seriously, who wore those kind of heels or that nice of a shirt when they were just going out for drinks?
Jaejoong looked up and his hazy eyes brightened. “Oh Yoochunnie! You're here too? Come join us, I was just trying to convince hyung to be in noona's new MV”
“Do....do you guys meet up often?” Yoochun asked, still standing by the door.
“Of course we do. We're family” Jaejoong gushed. Gummy's phone tinged and she picked it up, chuckling at whatever was on her screen before pressing herself to Jaejoong's side and shoving her phone into his hands. Sukwon leaned over, resting his head on Jaejoong's shoulder so he could also see.
“Chunnie, you have to see this thing Minsik hyung just sent...”
Yoochun couldn't get out of the room fast enough.
~~~***~~~
A girlfriend.
That was the solution that Yoochun came up with. He really needed to get a girlfriend because he was bored and whenever he was bored he tended to obsess over things he shouldn't really care about. This time being the fact that his best friend, his soulmate, seemed to like the rest of the people in their company more than him which really was ridiculous because what did those people even have that...
He really needed to find a girlfriend quickly.
So he found a girl that was so pretty that he promised her all sorts of things. Like how he would take her to Busan and buy her a yacht or take her to Japan to see the cherry blossoms or take her driving to see the sun set and rise.
He ended up oversleeping and showing up a half an hour late to their first date. On the second date, he frowned when she told him she preferred roasted sweet potatoes to dukbokki. On the third date he cringed when she told him she didn't like dogs. And on the fourth date he dropped her off at her house by 8pm when she told him that she thought it was crazy to drive all night to the beach to see the sun rise.
There wasn't a 5th date.
“I don't know why you're mopey” Yoohwan said as he watched Yoochun stuff chocopies into his mouth while gazing-dead eyed-at a rerun of Oldboy that was playing on the TV. “You didn't even like that girl.”
“I did! She was pretty”
Yoohwan rolled his eyes. “Of course you would think so. Didn't she remind you of someone?”
“Who?”
The younger boy slouched onto the couch and gave Yoochun a pointed look. “Seriously? She had blonde hair and pale skin and big eyes...you really can't think of anyone she looked like?”
“...Barbie?” Yoochun said after a few silent seconds.
“She wore a lot of leather and studded things and chunky jewelry” Yoohwan added in helpfully.
“...heavy metal Barbie?”
“Yeah, you're hopeless.”
~~~***~~~
Kakaotalk Group: Jaeoong fighting! Yoochun fighting!
Members: Jaejoong, Yoochun, Junsu
Yoochun: Does Byul look like someone we know?
Junsu: Honestly?
Jaejoong: Who's Byul?
Junsu: Yoochun's gf
Jaejoong: Oh.....
Yoochun: Ex gf
Yoochun: Ex, hyung
Yoochun: she's an ex
Yoochun: Like someone I used to date but now dont anymore bc she is an ex
Yoochun: hyung?
~~~***~~~
“Is it necessary to take off your shirt in every concert?”
Jaejoong took a sip of his water bottle and looked over at Yoochun with one eyebrow raised. He hadn't been talking much to Yoochun ever since he had learned about Byul, which Yoochun thought was a bit unfair.
“Really hyung, are you allergic to shirts?” Junsu asked as he threw a towel at Jaejoong's head.
“You're the one who suggested I go shirtless”
“You suggested it?” Yoochun asked, voice rising up to some sort of unknown register.
“Just for MINE!” Junsu defended. “I didn't ask you to go around without a shirt all the time. You're embarrassing our staff.”
“Well your face is embarrassing me” Jaejoong retorted, sticking his tongue out at the youngest member.
“Wow, that's real mature”
“Why would you suggest he goes shirtless every concert?” Yoochun asked Junsu, completely ignoring everything that came out of anybody's mouths after Jaejoong had uttered those words.
“Why are you getting so high pitch-y about this?” Junsu asked incredulously. “You're the one who said in an interview that you wanted to show hyung's body to the world”
Yoochun's voice rose even higher. “I didn't actually mean it!”
“Hyung, really. Can you not hear the way your voice sounds right now?”
“Don't try to shatter our maknae's eardrums” Jaejoong drawled as he lazily leaned over and brushed his hand over Yoochun's shoulder. “I would've done the shirtless thing anyways”
“Why?”
“I have someone I'm trying to impress”
Not even dogs could hear the next sounds that came out of Yoochun's mouth. Both other members ignored his babbling.
“Who's this person, hyung? Someone we know?” Junsu asked lazily.
Jaejoong nodded with a smirk.
“Is she a celebrity?” Yoochun asked, finally coming back down to a normal pitch. “I can't believe you haven't told me about her, you bastard”
“She's famous enough” Jaejoong answered. “Besides, you never told me about Byul.” But Yoochun wasn't finished with the interrogation.
“What's she like?”
Jaejoong looked straight into his soulmate's eyes as he deadpanned. “She's got the face of an old man, wears old man sweaters, and has old man hobbies. But her body is pretty banging”
Yoochun pulled a face of confusion. Partially because of Jaejoong's description and partially because of the weird feeling of dread that was crawling up his stomach. For some unexplainable reason all he really wanted to do was insult this mystery celebrity. “Well she sounds pretty ugly”
“She is” Junsu snorted. “Really dumb, too”
Jaejoong walked over and smacked Junsu on the head before slinking out of the room. “Be nice, Su”
Junsu rubbed his head, scowling as he looked from Jaejoong's retreating back to Yoochun's ashen face. A few seconds later, both of their phones pinged with a cute little chime. Yoochun took his out and saw a picture that Jaejoong had just sent to the CJeS kakaotalk group. He was shirtless, tongue sticking out, all of his chest tattoos on full display. ~Good night, baby~ the message underneath it read.
Yoochun nearly had a heart attack.
“The person hyung likes is in CJeS??”
“I suppose so” Junsu answered, not even bothering to check his phone. He looked at the clock. It was past midnight. He wondered if he could wake up early enough for Sunday morning mass.
“That narrows it down, then. Aren't there only like 6 people in our company?”
“There's like 50” Junsu said. “Most of them probably don't even know you”
“Everyone knows me” Yoochun muttered, looking back down at his phone. A barrage of "good night to you too oppa/hyung/dongsaeng” messages had flooded in. Gummy sent a kissing face emoticon and Yoochun felt like he was about to black out any moment.
So he also took a selca of himself in the mirror. His makeup was half off and his smile looked slightly demonic. He sent it anyways.
Two seconds later, some young looking actress who Yoochun didn't even know was in the company messaged back.
“Who is this?”
Yoochun decided he really hated CJeS.
~~~***~~~
Two weeks passed and Yoochun was still no closer to finding out who this mystery CJeS person that Jaejoong liked was. And that annoyed him. A lot more than he thought it should. He put it down to the fact that Jaejoong refused to talk to him about her and there was nothing Jaejoong had ever refused to talk to him about before.
“He's a terrible soulmate” Yoochun complained as he stuffed another pepero stick into his mouth. Yoohwan stared in disgust as his bed became littered with silver wrappers.
“That idiot won't even tell me what her name is...”
“Jaejoong hyung isn't the idiot in this situation” Yoohwan mumbled.
“...and he's never kept anything from me” Yoochun continued, ignoring his brother. “Do you know that he even told me that sometimes at night when he gets too lonely he turns on his computer and...”
“I really don't need to hear the next thing that comes out of your mouth” Yoohwan nearly screamed.
“...and he's even written one under a pseudonym before and I read it and it wasn't half bad except that he made Junsu a girl which is weird to think about.”
“Maybe” Yoohwan interjected, trying his hardest to steer the topic of conversation to a more normal and less traumatic level “Jaejoong hyung hasn't told you who he likes because he's waiting for you to figure it out on your own”
“Or maybe he's just getting back at me because I didn't tell him about Byul”
“Or maybe you're an idiot” Yoohwan sighed as he hopelessly watched his older brother open up yet another box of sweets.
Yoochun sighed around a mouthful of biscuit and chocolate. “How can he like someone else in the company more.....” than me?
Yoohwan just dusted a pile a crumbs and wrappers off his bed.
“Hyung knows I just broke up with Byul. He's probably getting back at me for that”
“Why would Jae hyung liking someone be getting back at you?” Yoohwan asked. But Yoochun's mind was in a different place already.
“I'll show him!”
~~~***~~~
“A matchmaking date?”
Yoochun's mother stared at her son, who had just barged into her room and, with a look of determination that she had never seen before, asked her to set up a matchmaking date for him.
“Yes. It's time that I start thinking about marriage”
“...did you already talk to Jaejoong's parents about this?”
Yoochun looked at his mother with confused expression. “No. Why would I? Do they have a matchmaking business on the side?” That slow, burning feeling returned again with force as Yoochun envisioned Jaejoong's parents sitting at a table, looking through binders of beautiful, smart, capable women-all who would be utterly perfect for their only son. Please don't let them have a matchmaking business
“Wait, who do you want to be matched with, then?” his mother asked, bringing him out of his nightmarish fantasies.
“I don't know” Yoochun answered. “Isn't the whole point of a matchmaking date to be matched with some random girl?”
“Oh, Chunnie” his mother sighed, getting up and standing in front of her eldest son. She held his hands and looked deep into his eyes. “It's okay, Yoochun. You can tell umma. I won't love you any less. No matter who you're attracted to, you will always be my son.”
Yoochun just continued to stare at his mother in utter confusion.
“I already prepared myself for this back in 2009 when you did that song. You don't have to pretend for umma's sake”
A few silent seconds fell between them before Yoochun was able to find his voice again. “What in the world are you talking about, umma?”
His mother raised both of her eyebrows. “...maybe you should talk to Jaejoong about this”
~~~***~~~
Kakaotalk Group: Melody and Harmony
Members: Jaejoong, Yoochun
Yoochun: hyung, do ur parents have a matchmaking business?
Jaejoong: Chunnie, can you come over to my house. Quickly
~~~***~~~
In ten minutes Yoochun was at Jaejoong's house, typing in the entrance code on Jaejoong's keypad while toeing off his shoes.
He walked into the living room, only to find Jaejoong crouched on the ground with six little kittens.
“Hyung, I thought we agreed you'd stop this...”
“They aren't mine” Jaejoong said, picking up a kitten and rubbing his nose against it. Yoochun felt like sneezing just watching him.
“Who's are they?”
“Jung Eum noona asked me to look after them while she found them a home.”
“Jung Eum noona?”
“Hwang Jung Eum” Jaejoong looked up at Yoochun, taking in his blank face with an amused smile. “from our company?” more blankness “Do you even know our company members?”
“Do you like her?” Yoochun asked, sitting down next to Jaejoong. A kitten chewed at his sock.
“I like everyone in our company”
“You...you...” can't like her more than you like me, hyung
“Can you go out and buy some kitten food for me?” Jaejoong asked, looking all too happy playing with this stupid Jung Eum's stupid kittens.
'They can starve for all I care' Yoochun thought bitterly....as he made his way over to the pet supply store...
~~~***~~~
Junsu walked into the CjeS building in order to pick up a pamphlet about a top secret musical something that must be hidden from Kim Jaejoong until he is safely away in the army when he saw something that he never thought he would.
There was a person clad in a mountain of oversized, baggy, sweatsuit material clothes hovering over a large box in the corner. Junsu knew that those terrible clothes could only belong to Yoochun, but what would Yoochun be doing in the CJeS building when he didn't have any work? What would Yoochun even be doing outside during the light of day when he didn't have any work?
“Hyung?”
A face popped up from the box. Yep, it was definitely Yoochun.
“Su, come over here and look what I got!”
Junsu walked over cautiously. He was two steps away when Yoochun shoved something furry and suspiciously fox-like into his face.
“What the...”
“It's a dog coyote hybrid puppy!” Yoochun said, waving the small yelping thing around. “I had to have it imported from the US”
“A coyote?” Junsu choked. “That's a wild animal! You don't need a coyote”
“It's for hyung”
“Jaejoong hyung definitely doesn't need a coyote!!”
“Coyotes eat small animals” Yoochun said, as though that explained everything “Like cats”
Junsu felt like he wanted to die. “Why....what....you monster....”
“The smaller the cats, the more likely they are to get eaten”
“I have cats...Jaejoong hyung has cats”
Just then Jaejoong burst into the building wearing a pair of pants that were more rips than material and a loose t-shirt with a cartoon golfer saying 'My wife told me golf is driving a wedge between us' on it.
Junsu sneaked a glance at Yoochun, who was smiling so stupidly that it looked like his face was seconds from melting off his skull.
“Chunnie, why did you want me to come here? It's too early...”
It was 2 in the afternoon, but Junsu knew better than to say anything.
“Hyung” Yoochun whispered, gently holding out the wild animal that was trying to gnaw at his wrists. “I got you this thing”
Jaejoong eyes dilated as they fell on the fuzzy little thing. “You got me a puppy?”
“It's a coyote” Junsu frowned. “A wild animal that will eat all your other animals”
“I got you a puppy” Yoochun said, ignoring Junsu and passing the tiny creature to Jaejoong. “It's dangerous though, so you have to give Hwang Jung Eum-sshi her kittens back”
Suddenly, everything started to make much more sense to Junsu.
“Okay” Jaejoong breathed, “I'll give her back her kittens and I'll give Hiro to my noona and I'll give Leo to Haru...”
“Why are you giving away my cat?!”
“And I'll keep this little one forever” Jaejoong kissed the coyote cub on the head and Junsu could swear he saw the animal wince. “Can I name him dukbokki?”
“Why do you want to name him after a food?” Yoochun said, wrinkling his nose. “His ancestors are vicious animals, hyung. You should name him something like Killer!”
“Hmmm” Jaejoong said, typing on his phone. It pinged and he looked up with a smile. “JiHyo noona said that food names are lame too. She thinks Killer is a cool name”
Yoochun frowned darkly. “Let's name him Cupcake”
~~~***~~~
Kakaotalk Group: CJeS Universe
Members: Jaejoong, Yoochun, Junsu, Song JiHyo, Choi MinSik, Lee JungJae [and 45 more]
Jaejoong: Everyone, meet Cupcake! Yoochunnie got him for me!
Choi Minsik: Is that a fox?
Yoochun: It's a coyote
Im Se Mi: Seriously oppa, who are you?
~~~***~~~
The day before his enlistment, Jaejoong threw a party in a smoky bbq restaurant. It was half Spy staff and the other half CJeS artists and staff. Baek had decided to make it a sort of goodbye party slash company get together, so there was too many bottles of soju and too many senior artists who all doted on Jaejoong like he was their long lost son.
Probably not a good combination, Yoochun thought. Jaejoong slinked past him, giggling into a half empty bottle of whiskey as he motioned for Sol Kyung-gu with a loud “Hyung! You have to try this new brand. My friend makes it himself”
Okay, definitely not a good combination.
“Junsu-yah” Jaejoong moaned, draping himself over a wide eyed Junho “Susu-ah. Are you going to miss your hyung while I'm gone?”
“I...but...” Jaejoong buried his face in Junho's shoulder, his sparkling eyes staring straight into the younger boys'. “hyung...you...no...Jesus doesn't want....but....”
“Let your hyung kiss you once before I go away forever”
Junho looked like he was about to spontaneously combust as JiHyo came to the poor man's rescue. “Okay, dongsaeng, let's get off before Junho does something he's going to have to go to confession for”
“Jesus is watching you, hyung!” Junsu cried from the other end of the restaurant
“Don't act like you've never kissed Jaejoong hyung before” Junho yelled back.
Junsu turned the brightest shade of pink as Yoochun rounded up on him. “You've done what with hyung?”
“Calm down, Yoochun-ah” Lee JungJae said, looking towards Jaejoong with an indulgent smile. “Who hasn't Jaejoong kissed when he's drunk?”
Yoochun's stomach crawled up his throat. “What?”
“Our Jaejoong is a clingy one when he gets drunk” HyeJung said with a laugh. “It's cute, isn't it?”
And no.
That wasn't cute
And this wasn't okay.
Because Yoochun was used to Jaejoong getting kissy and cuddly when he was drunk but Yoochun wan't used to Jaejoong getting drunk with anyone that wasn't him.
He stomped away from his sunbaes and over towards where JiHyo and Sukwon were cooing as Jaejoong built some sort of abstract sculpture out of soju bottles.
“I have to take hyung home” Yoochun said, grabbing onto Jaejoong's arm.
“But Chunnie, I have to say goodbye to Su first!” Jaejoong said, clumsily making his way over to Junho.
Junsu interjected, tackling his brother out of the way as though he was an American football player. “You have to take hyung home” he said to Yoochun. "Before I have to end up paying for my brother to get therapy"
Jaejoong pouted. “But....”
“No buts” Yoochun interrupted and led Jaejoong out of the restaurant and into one of the vans that Baek had prepared for them before the party, knowing all too well that none of them would be in the condition to drive. Yoochun threw Jaejoong into the back seat before following along behind him.
“I have to go to my parents house” Jaejoong whined.
“In the morning, hyung”
“Where are we going to go now, then?”
The rational choices were to take Jaejoong back to his apartment or to take them both back to Yoochun's house where his mother would whip up double portions of hangover soup with practiced ease.
But Yoochun wasn't feeling rational at all so instead he told the driver to take them to the beach. It was already 3am and the sun would be rising in a couple of hours.
They had sand in their toes and going into their pants-Jaejoong in his typical tight jeans and Yoochun in what he thinks were once upon a time Jaejoong's pajamas-and it would become scratchy and uncomfortable soon, but it was okay.
“Hyung” Yoochun said, looking at the dark sky that was slowly softening into a murky pink. “You can't fall in love with someone while you're in the army”
Jaejoong snorted, becoming more sober and more achy by the minute. “And here I was thinking you would tell me to be safe”
“You can't fall in love with anyone in the army” Yoochun repeated. “No other soldiers or pretty nurses or the hyungs and noonas of people in your unit”
“Okay”
“And you can't fall in love with any of the sunbaes and hoobaes in our company. Even if you do have a crush on one of them, you can't fall in love”
“Okay”
“And you...can't fall in love with Junsu. His mom will kill him and then what will happen to Toscana?”
Jaejoong grinned. “What makes you think I would fall in love with Su?”
“You've kissed him!”
“I've kissed you too”
Yoochun sucked in his bottom lip. “Yeah but...that's okay. Kissing me is...totally okay”
Jaejoong leaned back on the sand, getting it all over the hair that he'd have to hack off in a few hours. “And what about falling in love with you? Is that okay?”
Yoochun fell down next to Jaejoong. And he remembered about his ex-girlfriend, Byul, who now that he thought about it, looked a lot like Jaejoong. And he remembered the slow fire that would eat at him whenever Jaejoong talked about their sunbaes. And he remembered just so many things: the way Jaejoong sent his mother gifts for every holiday, the way Jaejoong had hunted for months to find the perfect record when Yoochun had got into vinyl, the way Jaejoong and him shared the same favorite food and music and clothes and...everything. The way that Jaejoong was just everything.
“Yeah, falling in love with me is okay too”
~~~****~~~
Kakaotalk Group: Two and a Half Ahjussis
Members: Jaejoong, Yoochun, Junsu
Junsu: So, Jae hyung, I heard that you and Yoochun hyung are both on vacation right now
Jaejoong: yep!
Junsu: Didn't you promise you'd come visit me?
Yoochun: A littskdsdsa
Yoochun: little
Yoochun: b
Yoochun: busy
Yoochun: rightnow
Junsu: oh my god
Jaejoong: Ill senf u a prsent to mk up for nt visftng
Junsu: oh my god please don't
Jaejoong shared file yoochun_naked_547.jpg
~~~***~~~
Junsu has blocked the following kakaotalk group:
Assless and Classless
Members: Jaejoong, Yoochun
A/N:This is the plot given to me by sand_nicky, so thank you for it! Also a bit of jealous Yoochun for the many people who requested that. It was fun to write. Still working my way through requests. I really need to learn how to write shorter one shots~ But no matter what, I'll still keep writing since this is the way I cope with Jae being in the military and Yoochun's upcoming enlistment XD
Pairing: JaeChun
Rating: Pg-13
Length: Oneshot
Genre: Romance, Humor
Summary: Yoochun really doesn't like the way the other artists in the company act around Jaejoong
When Jaejoong created the CJeS kakaotalk group, Yoochun hadn't really thought anything of it. After all, creating katalk groups seemed to be a hobby of the older man's. Yoochun himself was somehow a member of six Jaejoong-created groups, including one that was ominously titled “TAKEN” and consisted of a bunch of married dudes that Yoochun hadn't even met before.
He also didn't think anything of the emoji filled good morning messages that Jaejoong typed to the group everyday, nor the stupidly cute good luck or ~get better~ or cheer up!s that would appear in the group chat every time someone was having an off day. Sure, the instructional 'how to use crutches' video that Jaejoong had recorded and sent to Lee JungJae after the older man hurt his leg was probably a little over the top and unnecessary, as was the video of him singing happy birthday to Jihyo, but this was Jaejoong afterall so it.was.totally.okay
However, it became less okay when Jaejoong called Yoochun and gushed about how cool their fellow company members were for what seemed like hours a time (Yoohwan pointed out it was only a few minutes but what did Yoohwan know anyway)
“Can you believe it, Yoochunnie? I can just take out my phone and message the cast of Oldboy whenever I want. Oldboy! Doesn't it feel surreal?"
Yoochun picked at the threads of his bed sheet, phone digging a little too harshly into his shoulder. Oldboy was just a movie. Hell, he had done a movie too and it was also a thriller and it was also great and didn't he also win a bunch of awards for it? But it was okay. Oldboy was a classic so it.was.totally.okay
“How many times have you seen that movie, hyung?” Yoochun asked because he was too curious for his own good.
“I have no idea. At least 10”
Ten!
10?
Ten??
Well, Yoochun thought...ten times....that.....really wasn't okay.
~~~***~~~
Kakaotalk Group: No Country for Old Men
Members: Junsu, Yoochun
Yoochun: Junsu, hyung has seen Oldboy 10 times
Junsu: Junho told me that if you eat too much sashimi that you can get a tape worm
Yoochun: …..
Yoochun: what
Yoochun: Can u really?
Junsu: Oh, are we not stating random facts?
Junsu: Yeah, you want to see pics?
Yoochun: Of ur hyung's tapeworm? No thx.
Yoochun: But really. Jae has seen Oldboy 10 times
Junsu: ok?
Yoochun: U kno how many times hes seen Haemoo?
Junsu: You know how many times he saw my last musical??????
Yoochun: Hes only gone to Haemoo 3 times!
Junsu: he went to my musical 3 less times than that
Yoochun: what do u think this means?
Junsu: That he doesn't know I'm in musicals
Yoochun: Does he like Hyejung noona? Or Minsik hyung?
Junsu:....do /you/ even know I'm in musicals?
Yoochun put down his phone. Junsu was really no help.
~~~***~~~
It was turning into one of those kind of annoying nights, so Yoochun decided to venture outside of his house and to the bar that he frequented.
He tumbled into the bar, face half covered with a lumpy, knitted scarf and a beanie pushed down low on his head. He was wearing a sweatsuit underneath his oversized canvas jacket and the ladies at the other end of the room were looking at him with what seemed like the opposite of interest.
But it didn't really matter because one of those ladies looked a bit like Hyejung noona and that was not okay right now...
“Yoochun-ah!” the bar owner, a long time friend, cooed as he made his way over “I was wondering when you would get here?”
“Huh?” Yoochun muttered unintelligibly.
“Jaejoong and the other have been here for a good hour already”
“Huh?” Yoochun repeated as he let himself be dragged into the back of the bar. He had come here hoping to drink in solitude and contemplate his choices in life and movies and casting and life and...
The bar owner opened the door to a private room and inside, surrounded by soju bottles, were Jaejoong and Gummy and Jung Sukwon all laughing and looking like they had just stepped off the set of a fashion magazine.
Seriously, who wore those kind of heels or that nice of a shirt when they were just going out for drinks?
Jaejoong looked up and his hazy eyes brightened. “Oh Yoochunnie! You're here too? Come join us, I was just trying to convince hyung to be in noona's new MV”
“Do....do you guys meet up often?” Yoochun asked, still standing by the door.
“Of course we do. We're family” Jaejoong gushed. Gummy's phone tinged and she picked it up, chuckling at whatever was on her screen before pressing herself to Jaejoong's side and shoving her phone into his hands. Sukwon leaned over, resting his head on Jaejoong's shoulder so he could also see.
“Chunnie, you have to see this thing Minsik hyung just sent...”
Yoochun couldn't get out of the room fast enough.
~~~***~~~
A girlfriend.
That was the solution that Yoochun came up with. He really needed to get a girlfriend because he was bored and whenever he was bored he tended to obsess over things he shouldn't really care about. This time being the fact that his best friend, his soulmate, seemed to like the rest of the people in their company more than him which really was ridiculous because what did those people even have that...
He really needed to find a girlfriend quickly.
So he found a girl that was so pretty that he promised her all sorts of things. Like how he would take her to Busan and buy her a yacht or take her to Japan to see the cherry blossoms or take her driving to see the sun set and rise.
He ended up oversleeping and showing up a half an hour late to their first date. On the second date, he frowned when she told him she preferred roasted sweet potatoes to dukbokki. On the third date he cringed when she told him she didn't like dogs. And on the fourth date he dropped her off at her house by 8pm when she told him that she thought it was crazy to drive all night to the beach to see the sun rise.
There wasn't a 5th date.
“I don't know why you're mopey” Yoohwan said as he watched Yoochun stuff chocopies into his mouth while gazing-dead eyed-at a rerun of Oldboy that was playing on the TV. “You didn't even like that girl.”
“I did! She was pretty”
Yoohwan rolled his eyes. “Of course you would think so. Didn't she remind you of someone?”
“Who?”
The younger boy slouched onto the couch and gave Yoochun a pointed look. “Seriously? She had blonde hair and pale skin and big eyes...you really can't think of anyone she looked like?”
“...Barbie?” Yoochun said after a few silent seconds.
“She wore a lot of leather and studded things and chunky jewelry” Yoohwan added in helpfully.
“...heavy metal Barbie?”
“Yeah, you're hopeless.”
~~~***~~~
Kakaotalk Group: Jaeoong fighting! Yoochun fighting!
Members: Jaejoong, Yoochun, Junsu
Yoochun: Does Byul look like someone we know?
Junsu: Honestly?
Jaejoong: Who's Byul?
Junsu: Yoochun's gf
Jaejoong: Oh.....
Yoochun: Ex gf
Yoochun: Ex, hyung
Yoochun: she's an ex
Yoochun: Like someone I used to date but now dont anymore bc she is an ex
Yoochun: hyung?
~~~***~~~
“Is it necessary to take off your shirt in every concert?”
Jaejoong took a sip of his water bottle and looked over at Yoochun with one eyebrow raised. He hadn't been talking much to Yoochun ever since he had learned about Byul, which Yoochun thought was a bit unfair.
“Really hyung, are you allergic to shirts?” Junsu asked as he threw a towel at Jaejoong's head.
“You're the one who suggested I go shirtless”
“You suggested it?” Yoochun asked, voice rising up to some sort of unknown register.
“Just for MINE!” Junsu defended. “I didn't ask you to go around without a shirt all the time. You're embarrassing our staff.”
“Well your face is embarrassing me” Jaejoong retorted, sticking his tongue out at the youngest member.
“Wow, that's real mature”
“Why would you suggest he goes shirtless every concert?” Yoochun asked Junsu, completely ignoring everything that came out of anybody's mouths after Jaejoong had uttered those words.
“Why are you getting so high pitch-y about this?” Junsu asked incredulously. “You're the one who said in an interview that you wanted to show hyung's body to the world”
Yoochun's voice rose even higher. “I didn't actually mean it!”
“Hyung, really. Can you not hear the way your voice sounds right now?”
“Don't try to shatter our maknae's eardrums” Jaejoong drawled as he lazily leaned over and brushed his hand over Yoochun's shoulder. “I would've done the shirtless thing anyways”
“Why?”
“I have someone I'm trying to impress”
Not even dogs could hear the next sounds that came out of Yoochun's mouth. Both other members ignored his babbling.
“Who's this person, hyung? Someone we know?” Junsu asked lazily.
Jaejoong nodded with a smirk.
“Is she a celebrity?” Yoochun asked, finally coming back down to a normal pitch. “I can't believe you haven't told me about her, you bastard”
“She's famous enough” Jaejoong answered. “Besides, you never told me about Byul.” But Yoochun wasn't finished with the interrogation.
“What's she like?”
Jaejoong looked straight into his soulmate's eyes as he deadpanned. “She's got the face of an old man, wears old man sweaters, and has old man hobbies. But her body is pretty banging”
Yoochun pulled a face of confusion. Partially because of Jaejoong's description and partially because of the weird feeling of dread that was crawling up his stomach. For some unexplainable reason all he really wanted to do was insult this mystery celebrity. “Well she sounds pretty ugly”
“She is” Junsu snorted. “Really dumb, too”
Jaejoong walked over and smacked Junsu on the head before slinking out of the room. “Be nice, Su”
Junsu rubbed his head, scowling as he looked from Jaejoong's retreating back to Yoochun's ashen face. A few seconds later, both of their phones pinged with a cute little chime. Yoochun took his out and saw a picture that Jaejoong had just sent to the CJeS kakaotalk group. He was shirtless, tongue sticking out, all of his chest tattoos on full display. ~Good night, baby~ the message underneath it read.
Yoochun nearly had a heart attack.
“The person hyung likes is in CJeS??”
“I suppose so” Junsu answered, not even bothering to check his phone. He looked at the clock. It was past midnight. He wondered if he could wake up early enough for Sunday morning mass.
“That narrows it down, then. Aren't there only like 6 people in our company?”
“There's like 50” Junsu said. “Most of them probably don't even know you”
“Everyone knows me” Yoochun muttered, looking back down at his phone. A barrage of "good night to you too oppa/hyung/dongsaeng” messages had flooded in. Gummy sent a kissing face emoticon and Yoochun felt like he was about to black out any moment.
So he also took a selca of himself in the mirror. His makeup was half off and his smile looked slightly demonic. He sent it anyways.
Two seconds later, some young looking actress who Yoochun didn't even know was in the company messaged back.
“Who is this?”
Yoochun decided he really hated CJeS.
~~~***~~~
Two weeks passed and Yoochun was still no closer to finding out who this mystery CJeS person that Jaejoong liked was. And that annoyed him. A lot more than he thought it should. He put it down to the fact that Jaejoong refused to talk to him about her and there was nothing Jaejoong had ever refused to talk to him about before.
“He's a terrible soulmate” Yoochun complained as he stuffed another pepero stick into his mouth. Yoohwan stared in disgust as his bed became littered with silver wrappers.
“That idiot won't even tell me what her name is...”
“Jaejoong hyung isn't the idiot in this situation” Yoohwan mumbled.
“...and he's never kept anything from me” Yoochun continued, ignoring his brother. “Do you know that he even told me that sometimes at night when he gets too lonely he turns on his computer and...”
“I really don't need to hear the next thing that comes out of your mouth” Yoohwan nearly screamed.
“...and he's even written one under a pseudonym before and I read it and it wasn't half bad except that he made Junsu a girl which is weird to think about.”
“Maybe” Yoohwan interjected, trying his hardest to steer the topic of conversation to a more normal and less traumatic level “Jaejoong hyung hasn't told you who he likes because he's waiting for you to figure it out on your own”
“Or maybe he's just getting back at me because I didn't tell him about Byul”
“Or maybe you're an idiot” Yoohwan sighed as he hopelessly watched his older brother open up yet another box of sweets.
Yoochun sighed around a mouthful of biscuit and chocolate. “How can he like someone else in the company more.....” than me?
Yoohwan just dusted a pile a crumbs and wrappers off his bed.
“Hyung knows I just broke up with Byul. He's probably getting back at me for that”
“Why would Jae hyung liking someone be getting back at you?” Yoohwan asked. But Yoochun's mind was in a different place already.
“I'll show him!”
~~~***~~~
“A matchmaking date?”
Yoochun's mother stared at her son, who had just barged into her room and, with a look of determination that she had never seen before, asked her to set up a matchmaking date for him.
“Yes. It's time that I start thinking about marriage”
“...did you already talk to Jaejoong's parents about this?”
Yoochun looked at his mother with confused expression. “No. Why would I? Do they have a matchmaking business on the side?” That slow, burning feeling returned again with force as Yoochun envisioned Jaejoong's parents sitting at a table, looking through binders of beautiful, smart, capable women-all who would be utterly perfect for their only son. Please don't let them have a matchmaking business
“Wait, who do you want to be matched with, then?” his mother asked, bringing him out of his nightmarish fantasies.
“I don't know” Yoochun answered. “Isn't the whole point of a matchmaking date to be matched with some random girl?”
“Oh, Chunnie” his mother sighed, getting up and standing in front of her eldest son. She held his hands and looked deep into his eyes. “It's okay, Yoochun. You can tell umma. I won't love you any less. No matter who you're attracted to, you will always be my son.”
Yoochun just continued to stare at his mother in utter confusion.
“I already prepared myself for this back in 2009 when you did that song. You don't have to pretend for umma's sake”
A few silent seconds fell between them before Yoochun was able to find his voice again. “What in the world are you talking about, umma?”
His mother raised both of her eyebrows. “...maybe you should talk to Jaejoong about this”
~~~***~~~
Kakaotalk Group: Melody and Harmony
Members: Jaejoong, Yoochun
Yoochun: hyung, do ur parents have a matchmaking business?
Jaejoong: Chunnie, can you come over to my house. Quickly
~~~***~~~
In ten minutes Yoochun was at Jaejoong's house, typing in the entrance code on Jaejoong's keypad while toeing off his shoes.
He walked into the living room, only to find Jaejoong crouched on the ground with six little kittens.
“Hyung, I thought we agreed you'd stop this...”
“They aren't mine” Jaejoong said, picking up a kitten and rubbing his nose against it. Yoochun felt like sneezing just watching him.
“Who's are they?”
“Jung Eum noona asked me to look after them while she found them a home.”
“Jung Eum noona?”
“Hwang Jung Eum” Jaejoong looked up at Yoochun, taking in his blank face with an amused smile. “from our company?” more blankness “Do you even know our company members?”
“Do you like her?” Yoochun asked, sitting down next to Jaejoong. A kitten chewed at his sock.
“I like everyone in our company”
“You...you...” can't like her more than you like me, hyung
“Can you go out and buy some kitten food for me?” Jaejoong asked, looking all too happy playing with this stupid Jung Eum's stupid kittens.
'They can starve for all I care' Yoochun thought bitterly....as he made his way over to the pet supply store...
~~~***~~~
Junsu walked into the CjeS building in order to pick up a pamphlet about a top secret musical something that must be hidden from Kim Jaejoong until he is safely away in the army when he saw something that he never thought he would.
There was a person clad in a mountain of oversized, baggy, sweatsuit material clothes hovering over a large box in the corner. Junsu knew that those terrible clothes could only belong to Yoochun, but what would Yoochun be doing in the CJeS building when he didn't have any work? What would Yoochun even be doing outside during the light of day when he didn't have any work?
“Hyung?”
A face popped up from the box. Yep, it was definitely Yoochun.
“Su, come over here and look what I got!”
Junsu walked over cautiously. He was two steps away when Yoochun shoved something furry and suspiciously fox-like into his face.
“What the...”
“It's a dog coyote hybrid puppy!” Yoochun said, waving the small yelping thing around. “I had to have it imported from the US”
“A coyote?” Junsu choked. “That's a wild animal! You don't need a coyote”
“It's for hyung”
“Jaejoong hyung definitely doesn't need a coyote!!”
“Coyotes eat small animals” Yoochun said, as though that explained everything “Like cats”
Junsu felt like he wanted to die. “Why....what....you monster....”
“The smaller the cats, the more likely they are to get eaten”
“I have cats...Jaejoong hyung has cats”
Just then Jaejoong burst into the building wearing a pair of pants that were more rips than material and a loose t-shirt with a cartoon golfer saying 'My wife told me golf is driving a wedge between us' on it.
Junsu sneaked a glance at Yoochun, who was smiling so stupidly that it looked like his face was seconds from melting off his skull.
“Chunnie, why did you want me to come here? It's too early...”
It was 2 in the afternoon, but Junsu knew better than to say anything.
“Hyung” Yoochun whispered, gently holding out the wild animal that was trying to gnaw at his wrists. “I got you this thing”
Jaejoong eyes dilated as they fell on the fuzzy little thing. “You got me a puppy?”
“It's a coyote” Junsu frowned. “A wild animal that will eat all your other animals”
“I got you a puppy” Yoochun said, ignoring Junsu and passing the tiny creature to Jaejoong. “It's dangerous though, so you have to give Hwang Jung Eum-sshi her kittens back”
Suddenly, everything started to make much more sense to Junsu.
“Okay” Jaejoong breathed, “I'll give her back her kittens and I'll give Hiro to my noona and I'll give Leo to Haru...”
“Why are you giving away my cat?!”
“And I'll keep this little one forever” Jaejoong kissed the coyote cub on the head and Junsu could swear he saw the animal wince. “Can I name him dukbokki?”
“Why do you want to name him after a food?” Yoochun said, wrinkling his nose. “His ancestors are vicious animals, hyung. You should name him something like Killer!”
“Hmmm” Jaejoong said, typing on his phone. It pinged and he looked up with a smile. “JiHyo noona said that food names are lame too. She thinks Killer is a cool name”
Yoochun frowned darkly. “Let's name him Cupcake”
~~~***~~~
Kakaotalk Group: CJeS Universe
Members: Jaejoong, Yoochun, Junsu, Song JiHyo, Choi MinSik, Lee JungJae [and 45 more]
Jaejoong: Everyone, meet Cupcake! Yoochunnie got him for me!
Choi Minsik: Is that a fox?
Yoochun: It's a coyote
Im Se Mi: Seriously oppa, who are you?
~~~***~~~
The day before his enlistment, Jaejoong threw a party in a smoky bbq restaurant. It was half Spy staff and the other half CJeS artists and staff. Baek had decided to make it a sort of goodbye party slash company get together, so there was too many bottles of soju and too many senior artists who all doted on Jaejoong like he was their long lost son.
Probably not a good combination, Yoochun thought. Jaejoong slinked past him, giggling into a half empty bottle of whiskey as he motioned for Sol Kyung-gu with a loud “Hyung! You have to try this new brand. My friend makes it himself”
Okay, definitely not a good combination.
“Junsu-yah” Jaejoong moaned, draping himself over a wide eyed Junho “Susu-ah. Are you going to miss your hyung while I'm gone?”
“I...but...” Jaejoong buried his face in Junho's shoulder, his sparkling eyes staring straight into the younger boys'. “hyung...you...no...Jesus doesn't want....but....”
“Let your hyung kiss you once before I go away forever”
Junho looked like he was about to spontaneously combust as JiHyo came to the poor man's rescue. “Okay, dongsaeng, let's get off before Junho does something he's going to have to go to confession for”
“Jesus is watching you, hyung!” Junsu cried from the other end of the restaurant
“Don't act like you've never kissed Jaejoong hyung before” Junho yelled back.
Junsu turned the brightest shade of pink as Yoochun rounded up on him. “You've done what with hyung?”
“Calm down, Yoochun-ah” Lee JungJae said, looking towards Jaejoong with an indulgent smile. “Who hasn't Jaejoong kissed when he's drunk?”
Yoochun's stomach crawled up his throat. “What?”
“Our Jaejoong is a clingy one when he gets drunk” HyeJung said with a laugh. “It's cute, isn't it?”
And no.
That wasn't cute
And this wasn't okay.
Because Yoochun was used to Jaejoong getting kissy and cuddly when he was drunk but Yoochun wan't used to Jaejoong getting drunk with anyone that wasn't him.
He stomped away from his sunbaes and over towards where JiHyo and Sukwon were cooing as Jaejoong built some sort of abstract sculpture out of soju bottles.
“I have to take hyung home” Yoochun said, grabbing onto Jaejoong's arm.
“But Chunnie, I have to say goodbye to Su first!” Jaejoong said, clumsily making his way over to Junho.
Junsu interjected, tackling his brother out of the way as though he was an American football player. “You have to take hyung home” he said to Yoochun. "Before I have to end up paying for my brother to get therapy"
Jaejoong pouted. “But....”
“No buts” Yoochun interrupted and led Jaejoong out of the restaurant and into one of the vans that Baek had prepared for them before the party, knowing all too well that none of them would be in the condition to drive. Yoochun threw Jaejoong into the back seat before following along behind him.
“I have to go to my parents house” Jaejoong whined.
“In the morning, hyung”
“Where are we going to go now, then?”
The rational choices were to take Jaejoong back to his apartment or to take them both back to Yoochun's house where his mother would whip up double portions of hangover soup with practiced ease.
But Yoochun wasn't feeling rational at all so instead he told the driver to take them to the beach. It was already 3am and the sun would be rising in a couple of hours.
They had sand in their toes and going into their pants-Jaejoong in his typical tight jeans and Yoochun in what he thinks were once upon a time Jaejoong's pajamas-and it would become scratchy and uncomfortable soon, but it was okay.
“Hyung” Yoochun said, looking at the dark sky that was slowly softening into a murky pink. “You can't fall in love with someone while you're in the army”
Jaejoong snorted, becoming more sober and more achy by the minute. “And here I was thinking you would tell me to be safe”
“You can't fall in love with anyone in the army” Yoochun repeated. “No other soldiers or pretty nurses or the hyungs and noonas of people in your unit”
“Okay”
“And you can't fall in love with any of the sunbaes and hoobaes in our company. Even if you do have a crush on one of them, you can't fall in love”
“Okay”
“And you...can't fall in love with Junsu. His mom will kill him and then what will happen to Toscana?”
Jaejoong grinned. “What makes you think I would fall in love with Su?”
“You've kissed him!”
“I've kissed you too”
Yoochun sucked in his bottom lip. “Yeah but...that's okay. Kissing me is...totally okay”
Jaejoong leaned back on the sand, getting it all over the hair that he'd have to hack off in a few hours. “And what about falling in love with you? Is that okay?”
Yoochun fell down next to Jaejoong. And he remembered about his ex-girlfriend, Byul, who now that he thought about it, looked a lot like Jaejoong. And he remembered the slow fire that would eat at him whenever Jaejoong talked about their sunbaes. And he remembered just so many things: the way Jaejoong sent his mother gifts for every holiday, the way Jaejoong had hunted for months to find the perfect record when Yoochun had got into vinyl, the way Jaejoong and him shared the same favorite food and music and clothes and...everything. The way that Jaejoong was just everything.
“Yeah, falling in love with me is okay too”
~~~****~~~
Kakaotalk Group: Two and a Half Ahjussis
Members: Jaejoong, Yoochun, Junsu
Junsu: So, Jae hyung, I heard that you and Yoochun hyung are both on vacation right now
Jaejoong: yep!
Junsu: Didn't you promise you'd come visit me?
Yoochun: A littskdsdsa
Yoochun: little
Yoochun: b
Yoochun: busy
Yoochun: rightnow
Junsu: oh my god
Jaejoong: Ill senf u a prsent to mk up for nt visftng
Junsu: oh my god please don't
Jaejoong shared file yoochun_naked_547.jpg
~~~***~~~
Junsu has blocked the following kakaotalk group:
Assless and Classless
Members: Jaejoong, Yoochun
A/N:This is the plot given to me by sand_nicky, so thank you for it! Also a bit of jealous Yoochun for the many people who requested that. It was fun to write. Still working my way through requests. I really need to learn how to write shorter one shots~ But no matter what, I'll still keep writing since this is the way I cope with Jae being in the military and Yoochun's upcoming enlistment XD