Happy New Year, VioletSauce! Exchange fic: "Stages Of Love" / Part 1
Title: Stages of Love
Rating: PG-13 (NC-17)
Summary: Jaejoong was content and happy with loving his wife Boa until one day Yunho comes back into his life and forces Jaejoong to question the choice he made.
Genre: romance, bff-ery (Jae/Boa), drama (?)
Warning: includes het (Jae/Boa), infidelity, slight smut and that’s it, I guess.
Word count: 12,000 w
Prompt: Jaejoong is a married man who is supposed to love and cherish his husband (wife), but he still can't resist the temptation that is Yunho. As things get more and more passionate, he realizes how big of a mistake it was to marry the (wo)man he thought he loved.
Whether Jaejoong leaves his husband/wife or not is up to the author.
A/N: I’m sorry this probably sucks because in between all of my exams and projects, I tried hard but perhaps not hard enough. This is the longest story I've ever written and I tried to stick with your prompt but that also gave me a lot of room to play with and so I don’t know how I ended up with this much but I hope you enjoy it anyway ;~; / / / / / runs away/ / / / /
Title: Stages of Love
“A great many people fall in love with or feel attracted to a person who offers the least possibility of a harmonious union.”
~ Rudolf Dreikurs
Encounter
The sun bathed the room in an illumine glow, a white translucence blanketing the couple on the bed. Jaejoong rolls to his side as the sun insists on its ascent and the accompanying pulsing warmth pokes at him to get up. Groaning, Jaejoong throws an arm across his slumbering wife and buries his face in her neck, inhaling her sweet scent. Boa stirs at the movement and her hazy eyes meet Jaejoong’s. She smiles, ever so slightly but it was enough for Jaejoong to reciprocate with wattage a million times brighter. He is reminded of why they were together, of why he had married her and of why he loved her.
“G’morning, love.” His wife mumbles sleepily.
“Good morning to you too, dear.” He replies as he plants a chaste peck on her soft lips.
They get up and work though their morning ablutions with utmost efficiency sprinkled with a bit of naughtiness and some silliness. His life was perfect, Jaejoong thinks. 8 months into their marriage after a lifetime of friendship and a solid business partnership; Jaejoong and Boa are practically soulmates. He loved her and she loved him and that’s all that mattered in his world.
“Is that party tonight?” Boa asks as she brushes her brown locks away from her face and into a bun.
“We’re not hosting any this month, are we?” Jaejoong asks, suddenly frantic at the thought of having forgotten a party, much so if he was supposedly the host.
“No, you dummy. Jung Corporation’s heir’s inauguration as the CEO since his father is retiring soon.” His wife replies as she chooses a beige chiffon shirt to go with her burgundy skirt. Jaejoong notices and his nose twitches in distaste.
“Oh god, Boa! That looks hideous with red. Wear this instead. What time is the party?” a white Italian silk blouson is thrown at Boa’s face as her husband rummages his own wardrobe for an outfit.
Boa appraises her reflection and smiles gratefully at her husband’s fashion sense. (Which makes up for the lack thereof in her part.)
“Around 8 I think. My last meeting is at 6. Pick me up from the main house at 7, will you?” Boa finishes getting ready and hurries to the door.
Jaejoong hummed in reply as he attempts to straighten his tie. Boa was halfway out the door when she notices her husband’s pout and furrowed brows and she shakes her head at Jaejoong’s chagrin. She walks back towards him, bats his hands away from the paisley strap and knots it efficiently. Before Jaejoong can express his gratitude, Boa beats him to it as she tugs at his tie not-so gently, causing him to stumble forward, head lowered and lips taken in a sweet kiss.
It was over too soon for his liking but the clock is ticking and they had a busy day ahead. Jaejoong loves that Boa is practical and since both of them are so familiar with each other both personally and professionally, it makes their relationship so much easier and comfortable. Jaejoong thinks he can live with that. Jaejoong thinks he can love that.
“I`ll see you later. “ Smile
“I`ll miss you.” Pout
“Stop being silly, Jaejoong.” Chuckle
“I love you.” Smile
“Me too, me too.” Kiss
/ / / / /
One year before…
Lost in Milan in the sweltering summer heat, Jaejoong hopelessly tries to find the park where he and Boa were supposed to meet in. His best friend was also his fiancée and he was obligated to visit her once in a while she finishes her studies abroad. Jaejoong had preferred to stay in Korea for his degrees while being the more free-spirited between them, Boa chose to spend her last few years of freedom in Europe. They knew it was only a matter of time before the reins of their respective family’s companies were passed on to them and frankly, they looked forward to it. Success was after all what they had been groomed and raised to be.
He curses a little when he passed by a certain rustic lamppost for the 9th time already. Why did his fiancée decide on Italy, of all places? Why couldn’t it be a place where he knew the language like Japan or Germany, for example.
He refused to ask for help because his English is so accented that he uses it only in dire situations and he’s just too prideful for that. However, considering the fact that it’s almost noon and he’s been wandering in circles for a good 2 hours now, he resigned himself to utilizing his failure of English. Fortunately, a Korean looking man appeared in his peripheral vision and he frantically walked towards the stranger.
‘Excuse me, do you know where I could find Parco Libera?’ he asks in Korean.
The stranger was surprised but then he smiled, and damn did his smile rival the sun’s own brilliance and gleefully replied ‘Yes. In fact, I’m on my way there. Do you want to keep me company?’ and Jaejoong nodded shyly. He felt his face flush but he blamed it on the sun’s intense glare.
When they reached the park, they parted ways before he can even ask the stranger’s name. Jaejoong kissed Boa in greeting, happy to be reunited with his best friend. They caught up on little nothings about each other as they ate some gelato and had some coffee afterwards.
‘You’re graduating soon, aren’t you?’ Jaejoong comments, sincere pride for his fiancée brimming. They were the same age but he went through a special program which enabled him to finish his bachelor’s and master’s degree at the same time.
‘Yes I am. Why are you so excited? Can’t wait to be bound to me forever?’ Boa teases. Jaejoong laughs and sticks his tongue out ‘As if.’ They always knew they’d have to marry but they never thought it’d be a problem. They were close enough as it is and Jaejoong doubts he loves anyone more than he loves Boa. Maybe not as romantically as it ought to be but it was still love and it was strong.
‘Jaejoong-ah, do you love me?’ Boa asks as she inhales his scent, nuzzling her face into his neck.
‘Only as much as you love me.’ meaning a whole lot, Jaejoong’s mind supplies.
He had a suspicion as to why Boa wants reassurance right now. They talked about this before. They loved each other but they were not in love with each other and so they were free to fall in love with whoever they choose to. In fact, they encourage each other to pursue a true romance, despite the ephemerality and stupidity of the whole thing.
When Boa invites him back to her apartment for tea, he almost accepts but he stops when he sees a pair of men’s shoes on the hallway next to the front door.
Ah, he thought, finally.
He merely smiles at her, saying ‘I’m happy for you. You could’ve told me.’
And she blushed reasoning ‘As close as we are and as mutually as we have agreed how to deal with this, it’s still awkward, you know. To tell your fiancé about your boyfriend.’
‘Can’t we talk as best friends, at least?’ Jaejoong pouts in mock hurt. Boa promises to introduce them next time he visits. He excuses himself with a smile, promising breakfast the following morning.
He was left wandering Milan that night, kind of lonely and cold. He was hoping he and Boa could have hung out a lot before he had to go back to Seoul but he couldn’t think of taking away Boa’s happiness from her. She finally found the love they both dreamed about and it left him longing too.
He felt a pang of jealousy, hoping that he would find love soon. He doesn’t want to get left behind and he wanted to experience the joys of love alongside his bestfriend, not necessarily with her.
/ / / / /
The day went fairly well. It was past 5 now and Jaejoong drove south of the finance district and towards the residential sector of the city. He was able to close another lucrative deal that he’s been negotiating for two months now. It was his fifth project since he took over the Korean branch of the family company and considering it has only been 8 months since then, his progress was impressive. Part of his success, he attributes to his wife.
While their marriage was arranged, their friendship runs deeper than blood. Boa was a leader in her own right, having taken over her own family’s business almost at the same time he did. After they had both settled in their new responsibilities, they had married as per agreed by their parents since they were toddlers. There were no protests, no problems but there was a regret.
A regret that Jaejoong tried to push out of his mind.
A regret that haunts him until now.
A regret that was a sacrifice for expectations and reputation.
A regret he buried by filling himself with Boa’s smiles and kisses and uncomplicated love.
A regret he ambivalently felt forgetting and redeeming at the same time.
But there was nothing to be done now. It was a time long gone and he hoped would fade into a mere memory. He drove up to the Kwon manor’s driveway and schooled his features, hoping his expression won’t betray his reverie to his best friend. Boa knew him like the back of her hand but thankfully, the setting sun cast soft shadows inside the car, veiling his anguish slightly.
Boa comes out of the imposing manor, a simple yet intricate lace bodice hugged her torso as layers of thin muslin lined with infinitesimal crystals drooped to her knees. She looked ethereal just as he did, making them a perfect couple in his eyes. They were a perfect fit in every way, Jaejoong thinks, and he tries to push the thought of regret to the back of his mind.
Boa joins him in the car. She notices the concealed worry and she knows. She knows her husband thinks she doesn’t have a clue but she does. They never talk about it but she knows underneath their perfect marriage, there’s regret he harbors, though refuses to admit it. In fact, Boa knows even Jaejoong himself hasn’t accepted that one flaw in their relationship. She knows he hates anything that will demean her in any way and it supposed to be endearing but it just worries her.
They had never confronted the issue but she hopes they do so soon. For now, she gently places her hand over his, the tensed grip on the gearstick visibly relaxing. Jaejoong shoots her a grateful smile and she smiles back, pushing the thought to the back of her mind.
The drive to the hotel was silent but comfortable.
“So, have we met this Jung heir before? I don’t remember meeting Director Hoseok’s son. In fact, I don’t remember him having a son at all.” Boa asks, silently sipping the champagne the waiter offered as they waited for the small banquet to start.
“I don’t think we have. You’re right, there was never any mention of his son in our circle. Maybe he’s one of those who studied abroad, like you.” Jaejoong muses.
They passed by more than a dozen familiar faces. The couple exchanged respectful pleasantries to several partners or investors and spared longer greetings for their more intimate peers.
After the mandatory mingling, they were seated and Jung Hoseok steps up into the podium and delivers his commencement speech. It turns out that his son indeed spent most of his life in the west, studying before he was called back.
Jaejoong chuckles fondly at that, remembering the feeling when it happened to him. By the end of Hoseok’s introduction, most of the room was intrigued and curious about the Jung heir. The anticipation was thick in the air and the couple was not immune to the excitement. Whether it was to size up a competitor or test friendship potential, both Boa and Jaejoong held their breath as the Jung heir stepped away from the shadows.
As soon as the couple laid eyes on him, however, their faces fell as they recognized the not-so stranger. The Jung heir was far from unfamiliar to either of them and they needed to neither find out if he’s a worthy foe nor potential ally because it had already been decided.
“Ladies and gentlemen, my heir and now head of Jung Corporation, Jung Yunho.” Hoseok announces with pride as his son faced the guests, bending forward into a perfect 90-degree bow. Applause rang throughout the ballroom, making Jaejoong’s head throb.
“Good evening, everyone. Please treat me kindly. I will do my best.” the deep rumble of his voice sent shivers down Jaejoong’s spine. Beside him, Boa is equally shaken, her hand finding his under the table and locking their fingers together.
Yunho’s eyes scanned the ballroom discreetly and when they met Jaejoong’s and Boa’s, there was no surprise but there was apprehension. To anyone else in the room, his blank stare was non-descript and courteous but the couple knew better. They departed the party prematurely, excusing themselves swiftly, stealing away into the night like thieves caught in the act.
/ / / / /
Jaejoong was about to head back to his hotel when a familiar stranger caught his eye. From across the street, the stranger from this morning stood and their eyes locked for a brief moment before the man’s face lit up a million watts with a smile that might have as well made the night morning. Before he knew it, Jaejoong found himself face to face with the lovely stranger after the other man had jogged across the traffic.
‘Hey’ the stranger gasps, out of breath.
‘Hey’ Jaejoong answers, breathless.
‘Fancy seeing you again.’ The stranger smiles and Jaejoong’s breath is permanently caught in his throat.
‘This area is pretty small and cozy, isn’t it?’ he struggles to reply.
‘That it is. Say, do you mind keeping me company? I was on my way to grab some dinner.’
Jaejoong tried to focus on the question but his vision was getting hazy and the deep rumble of the other man’s voice is making him warm.
Jaejoong tried to calm himself and cleared his throat before procuring a voice steady enough to confidently express his assent to the offer.
‘I’m Yunho, by the way, pleasure to meet you.’
Jaejoong shook the extended hand as he replied ‘Likewise. I’m Jaejoong.’
They had dinner in a traditional pasta restaurant that had an open ceiling and although the winter chill was almost biting, Jaejoong was warmed by the bright smiles and deep tone of Yunho’s voice.
Jaejoong discovers through their lengthy conversation over dinner that Yunho was staying Milan ‘studying but more of exploring, actually’ and he feels jealous of the other man’s freedom. He shared that he was just visiting his fiancée before his presence in his father’s company was required the following month.
‘You don’t sound happy.’ Yunho says and Jaejoong blinks his eyes as he digested the comment.
He sighs before nodding his head. ‘It’s not the life I want, really.’
‘Do you love her?’ Yunho asks and Jaejoong wouldn’t have hesitated a ‘yes’ if he were asked yesterday.
But today was not yesterday and today he met a sun that he used to be a stranger to. After a few seconds, but no more than a minute, he whispered ‘Yes, I love her.’
Yunho’s smile was his drug and Jaejoong tried to convince himself that he meant what he just said.
/ / / / /
Attraction
Upon the couple’s arrival at their home, there were no words exchanged. Overwhelming emotion lingered in the air as they wordlessly shed their clothes and consumed each other in a fierce display of passion. For the first time in their lives and since their marriage, they fucked. Jaejoong thrust into Boa as if he’s trying to pierce and dispel the memory of the night’s reunion. Boa met each stab with a sob, not of fear or hurt but of desperation. She clung and held him, praying fervently that he doesn’t deny his feelings just to not hurt her. She knows and she wants to let him know that it’s okay. After all, she knows how it is to love Yunho. Because once upon a time, she did too, just like Jaejoong did. But Jaejoong loved Yunho more than Boa ever did and she knows her husband loves the other man, still.
/ / / / /
Jaejoong cancelled his flight and delayed his return to Korea for another three weeks. He grew to love Milan and the city wasn’t cold or lonely as before. Milan was where Boa was, where Yunho was and therefore, his heart as well. Jaejoong denies his growing attraction to Yunho. It’s not that he loves Yunho. It’s more like he can’t imagine not loving Boa. He doesn’t want to make a choice so he just pretends his feelings for the other man does not exist. Or so he thinks.
During that time, Yunho took Jaejoong around Milan. Sometimes just strolling and dallying, other times shopping and sight-seeing. With Yunho’s company, Jaejoong was lively. Without him, he was longing. Yunho was all smiles, too friendly, too intimate. They were aware of the silver bands around the other’s ring fingers.
Yunho never talked about her, Jaejoong didn’t ask, and vice versa. Jaejoong found that he didn’t mind.
Not when Yunho held his hand a little too long, his gaze a little too deep and his heart a little too tight.
Nevertheless, he’d never act upon his feelings because he was too moral of a man to break up a relationship just to start one of his own. So he just waited. He’d come to Boa when he wasn’t with Yunho and during this time, he noticed fine lines gradually marring her face. When he prods and pleads her to divulge her troubles to him, she just smiles weakly.
‘But love, I don’t want to trouble you. Not when you’re too happy with this mystery man you keep daydreaming about.’ Boa teases.
Jaejoong blushes and admonishes her, insisting ‘Your happiness matters more than mine, you idiot! Besides, I love you and I care for you. If your boyfriend is making you miserable, let me go beat him up.’
Boa just chuckles and slaps his arm playfully. She doesn’t want to continue lying. She loved her boyfriend, she really did. But she cannot bring to tell the man that she was engaged, she just can’t. She strokes her hand through Jaejoong’s tender locks absent-mindedly as she mulled over her ‘other’ love life. She had noticed a change in Yunho.
He was happier, more attentive but at the same time, she could feel him drifting from her and she doesn’t know why. She prayed that whoever was the man Jaejoong fell for would not subject her best friend and fiancé to the same conundrum.
She loved Jaejoong.
Different from the way he loved Yunho.
Yunho was her anchor and lighthouse in this distant sea and she wasn’t willing to let go yet.
/ / / / /
The next morning, Jaejoong woke up past noon, the previous night weighing down on his mind as soon as he was coherent. The space next to him was void of his wife’s body, a note in its place.
[[
Don’t apologize. I needed it as much as you did. Despite what happened, I know you will still refuse to talk about it and I`m fine with that, really. But don’t forget, I know. The hardest thing about this is that unlike before, I`m now you’re wife. I can’t face this just as your best friend anymore.
P.S. I’ll be back tonight, my parents just wanted to see me since they came back from China this morning. I’m expecting dinner. -Boa
]]
Jaejoong sighed and buried his head in his hands. This was so messed up. Why now? He was perfectly content and happy, after all this time and yet Yunho decides to come back into their lives, his life. Jaejoong had always loved Boa more than anyone, but once upon a time, he loved Yunho more. Yunho was that one person in the world Jaejoong loved more than Boa.
Images of his ex-lover flashed through his head. Memories filled his consciousness and his feelings overwhelmed him until he almost cried in frustration. The choices he made, the choices Boa made and the choices Yunho made; all these things from the past suddenly weigh down on him and regret starts wheedling its way into him.
After a minor breakdown and an hour of meditation to clear his head, he summoned enough will to face the day. It was a weekend but if he remembers correctly, he was supposed to attend a meeting in lieu of his father who had an emergency trip to the south. Sighing deeply, he checked his professional email and opened a recent reminder. He took note of the mentioned address and time and in his haste, forgot to even check the name of his supposed meeting partner. Satisfied, he dressed hastily yet with instinctive care. He was tempted to go out disheveled and casual but he would probably disowned.
The meeting place, rather the company building, was almost an hour’s drive from his apartment and by the time he got to the other side of the city, afternoon traffic and bustle was driving him insane. He was almost late and without a glance, he rushed into the building. The meeting room was only in the mezzanine floor so it was a short elevator ride.
He used the ascent to make sure he had the relevant documents and preparation for the upcoming meeting. His scan through the files were cursory at best so he failed to realize where he was and which company he’s dealing with until he found himself frozen, sitting across the table from Jung Yunho.
He mentally cursed himself and felt his concentration deflate. Of course, on the outside, he was the infallible representative of his company. His eloquence and persuasion was well-known and oftentimes, people would comment on how he could have been an excellent lawyer instead.
Boa thinks it’s just charisma, he thinks it’s just clumsy luck. Now, he thinks it’s the yoga.
Despite miniscule slip-ups and errors, he managed to conclude the first half of the meeting on a good note. The discussion lasted for an hour and a half and a break was announced at 3. Jaejoong let out a deep breath. He had avoided eye contact with Yunho as much as he could.
It was nearly impossible, with the man sitting across him and speech decorum dictating that he address the man more directly than the others, since he was heading the meeting. The few times their eyes met, their gazes locked longer than necessary but there was nothing but impersonality. Both of them deemed that the walls were necessary and they hadn’t minded.
As fate would have it, all the other meeting constituents left the room either to go to the bathroom or to make calls in the lobby and it was just the two of them in the cold room. There was a pregnant awkward silence that neither of them was willing to break. The only reason Jaejoong refused to look at Yunho was his fear. His fear that when he looked into those eyes, his regret will overwhelm him.
He took a chance glance.
And it did.
Fuck.
Yunho’s countenance was stoic and impassive and it might be a cold welcome towards an ex-lover but Yunho knew Jaejoong understood why. This was necessary. Because although he is bitter about what has come and gone, a small part of him, the part that once loved the man in front of him, respects him and himself. He won’t lie, Yunho broke after Jaejoong broke up with him to marry Boa. He knew it wasn’t the lack of love for him but rather, Jaejoong’s respect to tradition and family. Nevertheless, it hurt when he was left in Milan by two of his lovers and friends. Jaejoong did not even fight for him but instead, wordlessly did what was expected of him.
In his frustration and heartbreak, Yunho wallowed in self-pity and poetry and drunken revelries. Until news of his father’s declining health reached him and he knew he had to come back home. Milan was cold and held no meaning anymore and so he agreed to wrap up his vagabond lifestyle and be the successor he really is. Neither Jaejoong nor Boa knew that he is more than just a fellow Korean in a foreign city. He’s one of their peers they never got to know because he refused to let his status dictate his life and stayed as far away from the family business as physically and emotionally possible. His return to the family was eventful and at once, he was slated to take over the company, much like what Jaejoong and Boa had been forced to do months ago.
Now, his ex-lover sits across him, slightly fidgeting and shifting in his seat. He knew at some point, their paths would cross, it was inevitable in this line of work. But it wasn’t a clean break up between them and too much was left unsaid and undone that it was impossible to face the man he loves without longing. He respects their marriage, he truly did. So while his heart was screaming and yearning, he held an impassive gaze, which he had hoped, betrayed no emotion.
Except Jaejoong looked up apprehensively, finally, and met his gaze and for a flicker of a second, those doe eyes bore into him and stirred the slumbering passion which reflected in his eyes. But that split second was enough for Jaejoong and he could see the other man pierce his moist lip with his upper teeth. He knew that look. Jaejoong inadvertently lost control of his own emotions.
Yunho wanted nothing but to claim him, right there and then, the meeting be damned. But the silver band on Jaejoong’s finger glimmered in the low light and he sucked in a breath and reminded himself.
hrough his eyes, he tried to convey wordlessly to the other man NO and he received an assent in reply and it was enough. He did not want to deal with a man who broke up with him to marry a woman he claims he loves more. He doesn’t want to indulge and hurt all over again. Soon, the others trickled back in the room and the meeting recommenced.
Jaejoong thinks he must look insanely pathetic. In front of his ex-lover, he looks depraved and wanton, needing to be told NO to an unasked question. But he knew he needed it, needed that NO at least for now, to quell that rising emotion in him.
He regretted looking up but it was bound to happen. He cursed his lack of control of his emotions. He has to face it. He’s not over Yunho. He was never over him, his true love, his first romance, his first regret.
Attraction
‘Welcome back, love.’ Boa greeted Jaejoong as he entered their apartment. He smiled weakly as he tried to think of a way to talk to his wife-cum-best friend about his dilemma. But then, how exactly do you tell your wife that you’re not over your male ex-lover. Not the easiest and most comfortable dinner table discussion.
‘How was your day?’ Boa asks.
‘It was good. The meeting ran too long but it was productive.’ He knows what Boa wants to ask but he tries to evade it. Rather unsuccessfully, however, as he finds himself indulging her curiosity anyway.
‘Yunho isn’t such a bad CEO, might I add. Wouldn’t have expected such professionalism from him.’ He shrugs, trying to sound casual but there was a quiver in his voice that amused and worried Boa.
‘Yeah, who would have thought? Dandy and smiley Yunho, actually CEO Jung’ Boa muses and they burst into mild fits of laughter, as they think about the past for a while.
It still hurt for both of them. Boa is hurt that Jaejoong is still unsure and in denial of his feelings which in turn hurts him. She honestly thinks that their marriage, blissful as it is, ruined so many things for both of them. It wasn’t just the break-up it caused but the diminishing friendship between the two of them.
As children, it was professional expectation that brought them together, but now, it’s what’s keeping them emotionally apart. Because Boa is Jaejoong’s arranged wife, there are certain things he has stopped confiding in her about. If anything, for the sake of propriety and etiquette and that pisses her off.
She cannot reach out to him the same way as before. She cannot coax him to accept his attraction and love for Yunho because what kind of wife would do that for her husband? Boa wishes they were back in Milan, where she was his best friend before she was fiancée. The time when she supported their love because she thought it stronger than what she and Jaejoong share.
Unfortunately, Jaejoong deluded himself that it was the other way around. Sometimes, she just wants to smack some sense into her husband. She suddenly hates the families the two of them were borne into. Hates that Jaejoong is forced to ‘love’ her because of it. But most of all, Boa is frustrated at how this caused Jaejoong to delude himself into thinking he loves her when he can never love her as much as he loves Yunho.
While Boa’s thoughts raged and she fell into a trance, Jaejoong was snapped out of his own. He watches the emotions flicking through Boa’s face and from there, he understood what Boa is allowing him to do. He should be happy but what kind of husband is he if he were to rejoice at that ridiculous permission? Besides, he is almost incredulous at what she is suggesting.
‘Do you doubt my love?’ Jaejoong asks sternly.
‘No, I don’t.’ Boa replies with a soft but sure voice.
‘Then why?’
‘I know you love me and I love you, too. But you know you love him more.’
‘That was then, this is now. We’re married now. I can only love you.’
‘Can or would?’
‘You don’t understand. I married you with love in my heart.’
‘For God’s sake! I’m not asking you to get back together with him. I’m not asking you to date him. All I’m asking is that for once in your life, think of what you want for yourself. Stop thinking about what our parents want or what I want.’
Silence.
‘I-I don’t want to disappoint anybody, the least of all, you.’ Jaejoong whispered quietly, almost pained.
Boa strokes his hand and says ‘You’re only hurting me like this.’
‘I don’t understand how I can hurt you by loving you.’ Jaejoong asks her confusedly.
Boa bit her tongue before the words would come tumbling out. She knew the answer to that but she doesn’t want to aggravate her husband any more. She cleared the table as he got ready for bed and she prayed that God gives her strength to deal with her best friend. She knows they love each other but not the way Jaejoong thinks. Perhaps this is what got them into this mess. They declared their love too deeply, too early that when actual love came, it was hard to tell the difference. She sighed and followed her best friend into their room.
/ / / / /
The tension was palpable, the words were unspoken. But their gestures were enough. It should be wrong, this is cheating. But they’re too far into each other to care. Jaejoong’s love, longing and lust; Yunho reciprocated. Yunho was a shameless romantic, Jaejoong loved being indulged. Jaejoong relented against his better judgment and they were high in the little paradise they created for themselves in their hearts.
One day, Jaejoong got a call from his father, saying that he needs to return to Seoul. ‘Your vacation has been extended far too long now.’ He knew he couldn’t postpone it any longer and he came down from his paradise and back to reality. He goes say goodbye to Boa first.
‘See you soon.’
‘Take care, Jae. Come back fast, will you?’
He chuckles but promises nothing.
Then he goes to Yunho next. It was a date in a gondola. Not quite Venice but it had the same romantic feel.
‘Will you be back?’ Yunho asks, hoping for an affirmative.
‘Maybe, I don’t know yet.’ Jaejoong smiles weakly.
‘What if I want you to stay?’ Yunho pouts and Jaejoong chuckles. After a while, he promises ‘I will come back.’
There was a low hum of distant serenades and the stars bathed the night sky in a dim glow.
‘I love you, you know.’
‘I know, I love you too, Yunho.’
‘But?’ Yunho whispers in question and Jaejoong looks at him, takes his hand in his own. Their rings shone and it was the answer to the hanging question.
‘I’ll break it off, so long as you do too.’ Yunho says resolutely. Jaejoong stares at him, incredulous that Yunho was serious.
Their first kiss was underneath the stars, floating in the clouds and it was divine.
/ / / / /
There were far too many Jung-Kim mergers, deals and contracts going on as of late, much to Jaejoong’s chagrin. He and Yunho have been meeting at least thrice a week as they work out details, issues and terms. Thrice a week, Jaejoong finds his resolve weakening, getting more confused as each meeting passes.
It was funny, how neither Boa nor Yunho were putting up a fight and it was all about him. Boa has been getting busy as well, studying how the Jung-Kim contracts might potentially affect the Kim-Kwon relationship. Jaejoong would base the extent of his dealings with Yunho according to limits and terms Boa would dictate and he found it ironically funny; the twist of events and how closely it resembles their personal lives in the past.
Jaejoong found himself drawn to Yunho, more and more each day. While the other man had not slackened his iron will, he let slip enough smiles and Jaejoong is reminded of how he fell for the man the first time around. They maintained a professional relationship for a few weeks. Then it progressed to occasional professional dinners but nothing beyond friendly hugs was exchanged.
Yunho was apprehensive to show disrespect to the marriage despite all the heart break it caused him and Jaejoong was still as indecisive as ever. Jaejoong can barely stifle his whimpers and sighs in reaction to Yunho’s gentle actions. The latter found it endearing and amusing at first but he knew that something was reawakening in Jaejoong and he is not sure if he is ready to deal with it.
One night, Yunho was exceptionally charming, coupled with a moonlight walk and Jaejoong’s challenged libido, the man in denial finally relented. As if sobering up to the inevitable and obvious, Jaejoong presses himself against Yunho after their walk, laying his head on the other’s shoulder.
Yunho stills for a while, as if battling with himself. Then Jaejoong kisses him full of conviction and passion that belie his true emotion. Jaejoong might deny it all he wants but the fervor with which he kisses Yunho was reminiscent of that drawn out romance they shared the year past; sweet, honest and wild.
Jaejoong gives into the temptation. At this point of heightened emotion, he does not know if it’s merely lust or love. Perhaps he is trying to convince himself it is the former, for he was not yet ready to accept the implications of the latter.
Unwilling to betray his wife, or was it best friend?
He pushed the thought of her out of his mind for the moment as he submitted to Yunho’s gentle ministrations. Sensing the other man’s hesitance, Jaejoong detached his lips from the other’s and lightly nipped Yunho’s left ear, hoping to get the message across.
Get it, Yunho did. That small gesture was all the invitation and permission Yunho needed before he let go of all inhibition and control. The intimate bite was a habit from their early days and it was all the conviction he needed that this was not just lust on Jaejoong’s part. He would not dare hope it is love but for that brief moment he felt affection, he was willing to let go.
Taking the lead, Yunho stripped Jaejoong of all worry, question and doubt and guided him into reacquainting themselves with each other’s bodies. He would have preferred if they bridged the gap their time apart caused but he supposes that he only needs to reach out to Jaejoong’s emotions to do so. It was gentle love making under the moonlight on a garden bench.
It wasn’t entirely comfortable but as Yunho trailed kisses all over Jaejoong’s pale, quivering body as he thrust in and out, drawing out delicious moans and breathy sighs from the man beneath him. Hesitant Jaejoong was when unsure but when he gives himself up, he was insatiable and dominant. Two more rounds, with Jaejoong riding Yunho through the night and a drawn out teasing to end the night of their reunion.
For a while, there was nothing but silence, the chilly air causing goosebumps to cover Jaejoong’s skin. They had redressed and were fully clothed now and yet he felt naked, his feelings out in the open. Side by side, they sat, cramped in the short bench. Earlier the small space was more than enough to accommodate their needs but now it was stifling with the tension in the air.
‘Jaejoong…’ Yunho’s deep voice caressed the air and Jaejoong almost keened at how beautiful and foreign his own name sounds from the other man.
‘You are a cruel man. Why are you here?’ Yunho’s next words dampened Jaejoong’s mood and sobered him up.
‘No Yunho, you are the cruel one. You come back into my life after all this time, drive me crazy and-‘
‘-and besmirch your name with infidelity.’ Yunho supplied and Jaejoong felt enraged and ashamed. Before he can defend himself, Yunho continues.
‘And for the record, I did not come back into your life. The world does not revolve around you, Kim Jaejoong. I came back into the life I’m supposed to be living. I was just on a vacation, just like you were back then. Except mine was much longer and yours was cut short.’ Yunho felt that he was not just talking about vacations now. But he doesn’t care. He needs the other man to know his anger and his frustrations.
The words stung Jaejoong deep and he took a deep breath before he said ‘It wasn’t my choice. My life it may be but you know full well they were not my choices.’
‘It was not your choice to come to me and then leave me. But you chose to love me, just as I chose to love you.’
Jaejoong was silent.
‘This must not happen again, Jaejoong. I would not hurt Boa, if anything.’ It stung Jaejoong again and the gravity of what he has done.
What he has consented to.
Or was it what he initiated?
He doesn’t know anymore. He asked himself if he had cavorted out of lust or out of love. Does he love Yunho? He knows for a fact that he used to love him, but is the same love carried over and bore this affair?
He knew the answer but Jaejoong was stubborn and he refused to accept a mistake that would make him less than perfect.
Before he can reply, Yunho said ‘Don’t. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. All I’m asking is for you not to hurt your wife. I still care about her, although it’s been a long time.’ He left ‘and I still care about you, as well’ unsaid. Jaejoong nodded curtly. It angered him that Yunho has mentioned his feelings towards Boa, his wife, thrice that night already but not even a smidgen of a present thought for him.
They parted that night, determined to not let their affair progress yet knowing full well that they’ve already written out their future with that one kiss. For good or for bad, they did not know.
‘Mmmhhh…hah… Yun-I-‘ Jaejoong gasped, breathless and intoxicated in the scent of his own betrayal. Contrary to their parting advice, Yunho found himself pinning Jaejoong down across his office desk almost a week later. The week in between their trysts was full of tension that could have only ended one way.
Yunho tried his best not to encourage Jaejoong’s uninhibited (albeit not on purpose) attention. But two days in, Yunho found himself staring back, letting his eyes travel up and down his former lover’s body, as if trying to refresh his memory. Yunho finds that he can’t blame Jaejoong.
Despite the initial admonishing and deference, he found that he was just as bad as Jaejoong. After all, the flames weren’t put out completely. Weakened and simmered but still alight. The embers were stoked whenever he glimpsed Jaejoong’s fair flawless skin, the amarelle lips and graceful nose that perched on the other man’s face. The shy eyes that would subtly catch a look or two, full of longing and desire.
Awkward fingers diligently tracing lines of text as he read or twirling pens as he listened. Those fingers that hold so much memories of Yunho holding them in his own, fingering a silver band similar to the one currently on Jaejoong’s ring finger.
And that’s what snaps him out of his stupor. Jaejoong chose marriage over love. Jaejoong chose to marry Boa for his family and broke up with Yunho and the bitterness would flood him as he is reminded of their situation.
Still, the angst is overridden by the deep, buried affection and admiration for Jaejoong. Their circumstances may have changed and they may not be riding the same gondola in Milan but Yunho found that Jaejoong was still the man he fell in love with all those months ago; fretful, hardworking, loyal to family and selfish. Yes, selfish.
As much as it saddens Yunho to admit that Jaejoong was selfish, he cannot deny that it was what got them to this point. Selfish, the man only knowing to take and take. Just like the agony and pleasure he is milking out of Yunho right now as he moans in ecstasy, rolling his hips upwards demanding more. And more he gets as Yunho pushes these thoughts away for a moment as he doles out his own feelings into each of his thrusts.
Despite everything, his passion for Jaejoong still burns and he makes sure to give as much as Jaejoong demands. Yunho can only hope that each inch of himself he drives deeper into Jaejoong cracks that jaded veil the other man wears.
‘Yunho-ah, more, please.’ Jaejoong all but begs as he lays sprawled on top of Yunho’s wooden desk, insatiable with lust glazed across his eyes. The primal desire irks Yunho but he finds a way to use the other man’s wanton pleas to make him the better man. To fool himself that he isn’t just giving in to Jaejoong’s wants.
‘Yes, Jaejoong, tell me what you want.’ The shift into an indifferent tone Yunho used sent shivers down Jaejoong’s spine and he whines as he archs his back, vocalizing his need.
‘I want more, Yunho. Please, harder, faster, deeper. Fuck me like I’m your lover.’ Jaejoong gasps out his reply, focused on that one thing, that being his release.
‘As you wish, but pray tell me, Jaejoong, if you are not my lover, what are you? Hm?’ Yunho’s amusement dripped from his words but even in his incoherent state, Jaejoong knew that the question was serious.
Oh so suddenly, the air was cleared a bit, tension settling in.
Jaejoong wanted to answer the question but he realized he doesn’t know it himself.
What was he to Yunho exactly?
Business associate?
Friend?
Ex-lover?
The past tense wouldn’t stand true now that Yunho was currently balls deep buried in him as he moans like a wanton whore.
Whore?
Is that what he is?
A whore for enticing Yunho and jumping into bed with him knowing full well he has a wife waiting at home.
As if reading his mind, Yunho chuckles ‘Yes, Jaejoongie. You are a whore. A selfish. Fucking. Whore. Begging. For. My. Cock. When. You. Don’t. Deserve. It. ’ He punctuated each word with a long stab, withdrawing his cock out excruciatingly slow and then swiftly ramming it back into Jaejoong’s ass. The other man was robbed out of breath and tears formed in his eyes as the reality hit him. The truth he refuses to face.
Betrayal.
Yunho watched as his lover's face fell from ecstasy to hurt. It hurt him as well, to say those words, but they needed to be said.
He was tired.
Tired of indulging Jaejoong when the man is not giving him anything in return. Yunho's heart is being hammered between physical pleasure and emotional assurance. Jaejoong has given up his body but not his heart yet. Yunho was tired of waiting, of hurting, of loving a man who does not seem to love him back.
Even if he did, Jaejoong has yet to say it. Wrenched between guilt towards his good friend Boa, his lover's supposed wife, and his instinct to claim and possess, to cling on to that love he lost, he snarled as he bit not so gently the flawless expanse of skin. Just like the mark, he is merely a flaw in the unmarred façade of Jaejoong, at least until the other man realizes that he is not perfect.
He is not perfect, he is selfish and indecisive but Yunho still loves him. He expresses that through the soft licks he offered to sooth the crack he made.
continue →
Rating: PG-13 (NC-17)
Summary: Jaejoong was content and happy with loving his wife Boa until one day Yunho comes back into his life and forces Jaejoong to question the choice he made.
Genre: romance, bff-ery (Jae/Boa), drama (?)
Warning: includes het (Jae/Boa), infidelity, slight smut and that’s it, I guess.
Word count: 12,000 w
Prompt: Jaejoong is a married man who is supposed to love and cherish his husband (wife), but he still can't resist the temptation that is Yunho. As things get more and more passionate, he realizes how big of a mistake it was to marry the (wo)man he thought he loved.
Whether Jaejoong leaves his husband/wife or not is up to the author.
A/N: I’m sorry this probably sucks because in between all of my exams and projects, I tried hard but perhaps not hard enough. This is the longest story I've ever written and I tried to stick with your prompt but that also gave me a lot of room to play with and so I don’t know how I ended up with this much but I hope you enjoy it anyway ;~; / / / / / runs away/ / / / /
Title: Stages of Love
“A great many people fall in love with or feel attracted to a person who offers the least possibility of a harmonious union.”
~ Rudolf Dreikurs
Encounter
The sun bathed the room in an illumine glow, a white translucence blanketing the couple on the bed. Jaejoong rolls to his side as the sun insists on its ascent and the accompanying pulsing warmth pokes at him to get up. Groaning, Jaejoong throws an arm across his slumbering wife and buries his face in her neck, inhaling her sweet scent. Boa stirs at the movement and her hazy eyes meet Jaejoong’s. She smiles, ever so slightly but it was enough for Jaejoong to reciprocate with wattage a million times brighter. He is reminded of why they were together, of why he had married her and of why he loved her.
“G’morning, love.” His wife mumbles sleepily.
“Good morning to you too, dear.” He replies as he plants a chaste peck on her soft lips.
They get up and work though their morning ablutions with utmost efficiency sprinkled with a bit of naughtiness and some silliness. His life was perfect, Jaejoong thinks. 8 months into their marriage after a lifetime of friendship and a solid business partnership; Jaejoong and Boa are practically soulmates. He loved her and she loved him and that’s all that mattered in his world.
“Is that party tonight?” Boa asks as she brushes her brown locks away from her face and into a bun.
“We’re not hosting any this month, are we?” Jaejoong asks, suddenly frantic at the thought of having forgotten a party, much so if he was supposedly the host.
“No, you dummy. Jung Corporation’s heir’s inauguration as the CEO since his father is retiring soon.” His wife replies as she chooses a beige chiffon shirt to go with her burgundy skirt. Jaejoong notices and his nose twitches in distaste.
“Oh god, Boa! That looks hideous with red. Wear this instead. What time is the party?” a white Italian silk blouson is thrown at Boa’s face as her husband rummages his own wardrobe for an outfit.
Boa appraises her reflection and smiles gratefully at her husband’s fashion sense. (Which makes up for the lack thereof in her part.)
“Around 8 I think. My last meeting is at 6. Pick me up from the main house at 7, will you?” Boa finishes getting ready and hurries to the door.
Jaejoong hummed in reply as he attempts to straighten his tie. Boa was halfway out the door when she notices her husband’s pout and furrowed brows and she shakes her head at Jaejoong’s chagrin. She walks back towards him, bats his hands away from the paisley strap and knots it efficiently. Before Jaejoong can express his gratitude, Boa beats him to it as she tugs at his tie not-so gently, causing him to stumble forward, head lowered and lips taken in a sweet kiss.
It was over too soon for his liking but the clock is ticking and they had a busy day ahead. Jaejoong loves that Boa is practical and since both of them are so familiar with each other both personally and professionally, it makes their relationship so much easier and comfortable. Jaejoong thinks he can live with that. Jaejoong thinks he can love that.
“I`ll see you later. “ Smile
“I`ll miss you.” Pout
“Stop being silly, Jaejoong.” Chuckle
“I love you.” Smile
“Me too, me too.” Kiss
/ / / / /
One year before…
Lost in Milan in the sweltering summer heat, Jaejoong hopelessly tries to find the park where he and Boa were supposed to meet in. His best friend was also his fiancée and he was obligated to visit her once in a while she finishes her studies abroad. Jaejoong had preferred to stay in Korea for his degrees while being the more free-spirited between them, Boa chose to spend her last few years of freedom in Europe. They knew it was only a matter of time before the reins of their respective family’s companies were passed on to them and frankly, they looked forward to it. Success was after all what they had been groomed and raised to be.
He curses a little when he passed by a certain rustic lamppost for the 9th time already. Why did his fiancée decide on Italy, of all places? Why couldn’t it be a place where he knew the language like Japan or Germany, for example.
He refused to ask for help because his English is so accented that he uses it only in dire situations and he’s just too prideful for that. However, considering the fact that it’s almost noon and he’s been wandering in circles for a good 2 hours now, he resigned himself to utilizing his failure of English. Fortunately, a Korean looking man appeared in his peripheral vision and he frantically walked towards the stranger.
‘Excuse me, do you know where I could find Parco Libera?’ he asks in Korean.
The stranger was surprised but then he smiled, and damn did his smile rival the sun’s own brilliance and gleefully replied ‘Yes. In fact, I’m on my way there. Do you want to keep me company?’ and Jaejoong nodded shyly. He felt his face flush but he blamed it on the sun’s intense glare.
When they reached the park, they parted ways before he can even ask the stranger’s name. Jaejoong kissed Boa in greeting, happy to be reunited with his best friend. They caught up on little nothings about each other as they ate some gelato and had some coffee afterwards.
‘You’re graduating soon, aren’t you?’ Jaejoong comments, sincere pride for his fiancée brimming. They were the same age but he went through a special program which enabled him to finish his bachelor’s and master’s degree at the same time.
‘Yes I am. Why are you so excited? Can’t wait to be bound to me forever?’ Boa teases. Jaejoong laughs and sticks his tongue out ‘As if.’ They always knew they’d have to marry but they never thought it’d be a problem. They were close enough as it is and Jaejoong doubts he loves anyone more than he loves Boa. Maybe not as romantically as it ought to be but it was still love and it was strong.
‘Jaejoong-ah, do you love me?’ Boa asks as she inhales his scent, nuzzling her face into his neck.
‘Only as much as you love me.’ meaning a whole lot, Jaejoong’s mind supplies.
He had a suspicion as to why Boa wants reassurance right now. They talked about this before. They loved each other but they were not in love with each other and so they were free to fall in love with whoever they choose to. In fact, they encourage each other to pursue a true romance, despite the ephemerality and stupidity of the whole thing.
When Boa invites him back to her apartment for tea, he almost accepts but he stops when he sees a pair of men’s shoes on the hallway next to the front door.
Ah, he thought, finally.
He merely smiles at her, saying ‘I’m happy for you. You could’ve told me.’
And she blushed reasoning ‘As close as we are and as mutually as we have agreed how to deal with this, it’s still awkward, you know. To tell your fiancé about your boyfriend.’
‘Can’t we talk as best friends, at least?’ Jaejoong pouts in mock hurt. Boa promises to introduce them next time he visits. He excuses himself with a smile, promising breakfast the following morning.
He was left wandering Milan that night, kind of lonely and cold. He was hoping he and Boa could have hung out a lot before he had to go back to Seoul but he couldn’t think of taking away Boa’s happiness from her. She finally found the love they both dreamed about and it left him longing too.
He felt a pang of jealousy, hoping that he would find love soon. He doesn’t want to get left behind and he wanted to experience the joys of love alongside his bestfriend, not necessarily with her.
/ / / / /
The day went fairly well. It was past 5 now and Jaejoong drove south of the finance district and towards the residential sector of the city. He was able to close another lucrative deal that he’s been negotiating for two months now. It was his fifth project since he took over the Korean branch of the family company and considering it has only been 8 months since then, his progress was impressive. Part of his success, he attributes to his wife.
While their marriage was arranged, their friendship runs deeper than blood. Boa was a leader in her own right, having taken over her own family’s business almost at the same time he did. After they had both settled in their new responsibilities, they had married as per agreed by their parents since they were toddlers. There were no protests, no problems but there was a regret.
A regret that Jaejoong tried to push out of his mind.
A regret that haunts him until now.
A regret that was a sacrifice for expectations and reputation.
A regret he buried by filling himself with Boa’s smiles and kisses and uncomplicated love.
A regret he ambivalently felt forgetting and redeeming at the same time.
But there was nothing to be done now. It was a time long gone and he hoped would fade into a mere memory. He drove up to the Kwon manor’s driveway and schooled his features, hoping his expression won’t betray his reverie to his best friend. Boa knew him like the back of her hand but thankfully, the setting sun cast soft shadows inside the car, veiling his anguish slightly.
Boa comes out of the imposing manor, a simple yet intricate lace bodice hugged her torso as layers of thin muslin lined with infinitesimal crystals drooped to her knees. She looked ethereal just as he did, making them a perfect couple in his eyes. They were a perfect fit in every way, Jaejoong thinks, and he tries to push the thought of regret to the back of his mind.
Boa joins him in the car. She notices the concealed worry and she knows. She knows her husband thinks she doesn’t have a clue but she does. They never talk about it but she knows underneath their perfect marriage, there’s regret he harbors, though refuses to admit it. In fact, Boa knows even Jaejoong himself hasn’t accepted that one flaw in their relationship. She knows he hates anything that will demean her in any way and it supposed to be endearing but it just worries her.
They had never confronted the issue but she hopes they do so soon. For now, she gently places her hand over his, the tensed grip on the gearstick visibly relaxing. Jaejoong shoots her a grateful smile and she smiles back, pushing the thought to the back of her mind.
The drive to the hotel was silent but comfortable.
“So, have we met this Jung heir before? I don’t remember meeting Director Hoseok’s son. In fact, I don’t remember him having a son at all.” Boa asks, silently sipping the champagne the waiter offered as they waited for the small banquet to start.
“I don’t think we have. You’re right, there was never any mention of his son in our circle. Maybe he’s one of those who studied abroad, like you.” Jaejoong muses.
They passed by more than a dozen familiar faces. The couple exchanged respectful pleasantries to several partners or investors and spared longer greetings for their more intimate peers.
After the mandatory mingling, they were seated and Jung Hoseok steps up into the podium and delivers his commencement speech. It turns out that his son indeed spent most of his life in the west, studying before he was called back.
Jaejoong chuckles fondly at that, remembering the feeling when it happened to him. By the end of Hoseok’s introduction, most of the room was intrigued and curious about the Jung heir. The anticipation was thick in the air and the couple was not immune to the excitement. Whether it was to size up a competitor or test friendship potential, both Boa and Jaejoong held their breath as the Jung heir stepped away from the shadows.
As soon as the couple laid eyes on him, however, their faces fell as they recognized the not-so stranger. The Jung heir was far from unfamiliar to either of them and they needed to neither find out if he’s a worthy foe nor potential ally because it had already been decided.
“Ladies and gentlemen, my heir and now head of Jung Corporation, Jung Yunho.” Hoseok announces with pride as his son faced the guests, bending forward into a perfect 90-degree bow. Applause rang throughout the ballroom, making Jaejoong’s head throb.
“Good evening, everyone. Please treat me kindly. I will do my best.” the deep rumble of his voice sent shivers down Jaejoong’s spine. Beside him, Boa is equally shaken, her hand finding his under the table and locking their fingers together.
Yunho’s eyes scanned the ballroom discreetly and when they met Jaejoong’s and Boa’s, there was no surprise but there was apprehension. To anyone else in the room, his blank stare was non-descript and courteous but the couple knew better. They departed the party prematurely, excusing themselves swiftly, stealing away into the night like thieves caught in the act.
/ / / / /
Jaejoong was about to head back to his hotel when a familiar stranger caught his eye. From across the street, the stranger from this morning stood and their eyes locked for a brief moment before the man’s face lit up a million watts with a smile that might have as well made the night morning. Before he knew it, Jaejoong found himself face to face with the lovely stranger after the other man had jogged across the traffic.
‘Hey’ the stranger gasps, out of breath.
‘Hey’ Jaejoong answers, breathless.
‘Fancy seeing you again.’ The stranger smiles and Jaejoong’s breath is permanently caught in his throat.
‘This area is pretty small and cozy, isn’t it?’ he struggles to reply.
‘That it is. Say, do you mind keeping me company? I was on my way to grab some dinner.’
Jaejoong tried to focus on the question but his vision was getting hazy and the deep rumble of the other man’s voice is making him warm.
Jaejoong tried to calm himself and cleared his throat before procuring a voice steady enough to confidently express his assent to the offer.
‘I’m Yunho, by the way, pleasure to meet you.’
Jaejoong shook the extended hand as he replied ‘Likewise. I’m Jaejoong.’
They had dinner in a traditional pasta restaurant that had an open ceiling and although the winter chill was almost biting, Jaejoong was warmed by the bright smiles and deep tone of Yunho’s voice.
Jaejoong discovers through their lengthy conversation over dinner that Yunho was staying Milan ‘studying but more of exploring, actually’ and he feels jealous of the other man’s freedom. He shared that he was just visiting his fiancée before his presence in his father’s company was required the following month.
‘You don’t sound happy.’ Yunho says and Jaejoong blinks his eyes as he digested the comment.
He sighs before nodding his head. ‘It’s not the life I want, really.’
‘Do you love her?’ Yunho asks and Jaejoong wouldn’t have hesitated a ‘yes’ if he were asked yesterday.
But today was not yesterday and today he met a sun that he used to be a stranger to. After a few seconds, but no more than a minute, he whispered ‘Yes, I love her.’
Yunho’s smile was his drug and Jaejoong tried to convince himself that he meant what he just said.
/ / / / /
Attraction
Upon the couple’s arrival at their home, there were no words exchanged. Overwhelming emotion lingered in the air as they wordlessly shed their clothes and consumed each other in a fierce display of passion. For the first time in their lives and since their marriage, they fucked. Jaejoong thrust into Boa as if he’s trying to pierce and dispel the memory of the night’s reunion. Boa met each stab with a sob, not of fear or hurt but of desperation. She clung and held him, praying fervently that he doesn’t deny his feelings just to not hurt her. She knows and she wants to let him know that it’s okay. After all, she knows how it is to love Yunho. Because once upon a time, she did too, just like Jaejoong did. But Jaejoong loved Yunho more than Boa ever did and she knows her husband loves the other man, still.
/ / / / /
Jaejoong cancelled his flight and delayed his return to Korea for another three weeks. He grew to love Milan and the city wasn’t cold or lonely as before. Milan was where Boa was, where Yunho was and therefore, his heart as well. Jaejoong denies his growing attraction to Yunho. It’s not that he loves Yunho. It’s more like he can’t imagine not loving Boa. He doesn’t want to make a choice so he just pretends his feelings for the other man does not exist. Or so he thinks.
During that time, Yunho took Jaejoong around Milan. Sometimes just strolling and dallying, other times shopping and sight-seeing. With Yunho’s company, Jaejoong was lively. Without him, he was longing. Yunho was all smiles, too friendly, too intimate. They were aware of the silver bands around the other’s ring fingers.
Yunho never talked about her, Jaejoong didn’t ask, and vice versa. Jaejoong found that he didn’t mind.
Not when Yunho held his hand a little too long, his gaze a little too deep and his heart a little too tight.
Nevertheless, he’d never act upon his feelings because he was too moral of a man to break up a relationship just to start one of his own. So he just waited. He’d come to Boa when he wasn’t with Yunho and during this time, he noticed fine lines gradually marring her face. When he prods and pleads her to divulge her troubles to him, she just smiles weakly.
‘But love, I don’t want to trouble you. Not when you’re too happy with this mystery man you keep daydreaming about.’ Boa teases.
Jaejoong blushes and admonishes her, insisting ‘Your happiness matters more than mine, you idiot! Besides, I love you and I care for you. If your boyfriend is making you miserable, let me go beat him up.’
Boa just chuckles and slaps his arm playfully. She doesn’t want to continue lying. She loved her boyfriend, she really did. But she cannot bring to tell the man that she was engaged, she just can’t. She strokes her hand through Jaejoong’s tender locks absent-mindedly as she mulled over her ‘other’ love life. She had noticed a change in Yunho.
He was happier, more attentive but at the same time, she could feel him drifting from her and she doesn’t know why. She prayed that whoever was the man Jaejoong fell for would not subject her best friend and fiancé to the same conundrum.
She loved Jaejoong.
Different from the way he loved Yunho.
Yunho was her anchor and lighthouse in this distant sea and she wasn’t willing to let go yet.
/ / / / /
The next morning, Jaejoong woke up past noon, the previous night weighing down on his mind as soon as he was coherent. The space next to him was void of his wife’s body, a note in its place.
[[
Don’t apologize. I needed it as much as you did. Despite what happened, I know you will still refuse to talk about it and I`m fine with that, really. But don’t forget, I know. The hardest thing about this is that unlike before, I`m now you’re wife. I can’t face this just as your best friend anymore.
P.S. I’ll be back tonight, my parents just wanted to see me since they came back from China this morning. I’m expecting dinner. -Boa
]]
Jaejoong sighed and buried his head in his hands. This was so messed up. Why now? He was perfectly content and happy, after all this time and yet Yunho decides to come back into their lives, his life. Jaejoong had always loved Boa more than anyone, but once upon a time, he loved Yunho more. Yunho was that one person in the world Jaejoong loved more than Boa.
Images of his ex-lover flashed through his head. Memories filled his consciousness and his feelings overwhelmed him until he almost cried in frustration. The choices he made, the choices Boa made and the choices Yunho made; all these things from the past suddenly weigh down on him and regret starts wheedling its way into him.
After a minor breakdown and an hour of meditation to clear his head, he summoned enough will to face the day. It was a weekend but if he remembers correctly, he was supposed to attend a meeting in lieu of his father who had an emergency trip to the south. Sighing deeply, he checked his professional email and opened a recent reminder. He took note of the mentioned address and time and in his haste, forgot to even check the name of his supposed meeting partner. Satisfied, he dressed hastily yet with instinctive care. He was tempted to go out disheveled and casual but he would probably disowned.
The meeting place, rather the company building, was almost an hour’s drive from his apartment and by the time he got to the other side of the city, afternoon traffic and bustle was driving him insane. He was almost late and without a glance, he rushed into the building. The meeting room was only in the mezzanine floor so it was a short elevator ride.
He used the ascent to make sure he had the relevant documents and preparation for the upcoming meeting. His scan through the files were cursory at best so he failed to realize where he was and which company he’s dealing with until he found himself frozen, sitting across the table from Jung Yunho.
He mentally cursed himself and felt his concentration deflate. Of course, on the outside, he was the infallible representative of his company. His eloquence and persuasion was well-known and oftentimes, people would comment on how he could have been an excellent lawyer instead.
Boa thinks it’s just charisma, he thinks it’s just clumsy luck. Now, he thinks it’s the yoga.
Despite miniscule slip-ups and errors, he managed to conclude the first half of the meeting on a good note. The discussion lasted for an hour and a half and a break was announced at 3. Jaejoong let out a deep breath. He had avoided eye contact with Yunho as much as he could.
It was nearly impossible, with the man sitting across him and speech decorum dictating that he address the man more directly than the others, since he was heading the meeting. The few times their eyes met, their gazes locked longer than necessary but there was nothing but impersonality. Both of them deemed that the walls were necessary and they hadn’t minded.
As fate would have it, all the other meeting constituents left the room either to go to the bathroom or to make calls in the lobby and it was just the two of them in the cold room. There was a pregnant awkward silence that neither of them was willing to break. The only reason Jaejoong refused to look at Yunho was his fear. His fear that when he looked into those eyes, his regret will overwhelm him.
He took a chance glance.
And it did.
Fuck.
Yunho’s countenance was stoic and impassive and it might be a cold welcome towards an ex-lover but Yunho knew Jaejoong understood why. This was necessary. Because although he is bitter about what has come and gone, a small part of him, the part that once loved the man in front of him, respects him and himself. He won’t lie, Yunho broke after Jaejoong broke up with him to marry Boa. He knew it wasn’t the lack of love for him but rather, Jaejoong’s respect to tradition and family. Nevertheless, it hurt when he was left in Milan by two of his lovers and friends. Jaejoong did not even fight for him but instead, wordlessly did what was expected of him.
In his frustration and heartbreak, Yunho wallowed in self-pity and poetry and drunken revelries. Until news of his father’s declining health reached him and he knew he had to come back home. Milan was cold and held no meaning anymore and so he agreed to wrap up his vagabond lifestyle and be the successor he really is. Neither Jaejoong nor Boa knew that he is more than just a fellow Korean in a foreign city. He’s one of their peers they never got to know because he refused to let his status dictate his life and stayed as far away from the family business as physically and emotionally possible. His return to the family was eventful and at once, he was slated to take over the company, much like what Jaejoong and Boa had been forced to do months ago.
Now, his ex-lover sits across him, slightly fidgeting and shifting in his seat. He knew at some point, their paths would cross, it was inevitable in this line of work. But it wasn’t a clean break up between them and too much was left unsaid and undone that it was impossible to face the man he loves without longing. He respects their marriage, he truly did. So while his heart was screaming and yearning, he held an impassive gaze, which he had hoped, betrayed no emotion.
Except Jaejoong looked up apprehensively, finally, and met his gaze and for a flicker of a second, those doe eyes bore into him and stirred the slumbering passion which reflected in his eyes. But that split second was enough for Jaejoong and he could see the other man pierce his moist lip with his upper teeth. He knew that look. Jaejoong inadvertently lost control of his own emotions.
Yunho wanted nothing but to claim him, right there and then, the meeting be damned. But the silver band on Jaejoong’s finger glimmered in the low light and he sucked in a breath and reminded himself.
hrough his eyes, he tried to convey wordlessly to the other man NO and he received an assent in reply and it was enough. He did not want to deal with a man who broke up with him to marry a woman he claims he loves more. He doesn’t want to indulge and hurt all over again. Soon, the others trickled back in the room and the meeting recommenced.
Jaejoong thinks he must look insanely pathetic. In front of his ex-lover, he looks depraved and wanton, needing to be told NO to an unasked question. But he knew he needed it, needed that NO at least for now, to quell that rising emotion in him.
He regretted looking up but it was bound to happen. He cursed his lack of control of his emotions. He has to face it. He’s not over Yunho. He was never over him, his true love, his first romance, his first regret.
Attraction
‘Welcome back, love.’ Boa greeted Jaejoong as he entered their apartment. He smiled weakly as he tried to think of a way to talk to his wife-cum-best friend about his dilemma. But then, how exactly do you tell your wife that you’re not over your male ex-lover. Not the easiest and most comfortable dinner table discussion.
‘How was your day?’ Boa asks.
‘It was good. The meeting ran too long but it was productive.’ He knows what Boa wants to ask but he tries to evade it. Rather unsuccessfully, however, as he finds himself indulging her curiosity anyway.
‘Yunho isn’t such a bad CEO, might I add. Wouldn’t have expected such professionalism from him.’ He shrugs, trying to sound casual but there was a quiver in his voice that amused and worried Boa.
‘Yeah, who would have thought? Dandy and smiley Yunho, actually CEO Jung’ Boa muses and they burst into mild fits of laughter, as they think about the past for a while.
It still hurt for both of them. Boa is hurt that Jaejoong is still unsure and in denial of his feelings which in turn hurts him. She honestly thinks that their marriage, blissful as it is, ruined so many things for both of them. It wasn’t just the break-up it caused but the diminishing friendship between the two of them.
As children, it was professional expectation that brought them together, but now, it’s what’s keeping them emotionally apart. Because Boa is Jaejoong’s arranged wife, there are certain things he has stopped confiding in her about. If anything, for the sake of propriety and etiquette and that pisses her off.
She cannot reach out to him the same way as before. She cannot coax him to accept his attraction and love for Yunho because what kind of wife would do that for her husband? Boa wishes they were back in Milan, where she was his best friend before she was fiancée. The time when she supported their love because she thought it stronger than what she and Jaejoong share.
Unfortunately, Jaejoong deluded himself that it was the other way around. Sometimes, she just wants to smack some sense into her husband. She suddenly hates the families the two of them were borne into. Hates that Jaejoong is forced to ‘love’ her because of it. But most of all, Boa is frustrated at how this caused Jaejoong to delude himself into thinking he loves her when he can never love her as much as he loves Yunho.
While Boa’s thoughts raged and she fell into a trance, Jaejoong was snapped out of his own. He watches the emotions flicking through Boa’s face and from there, he understood what Boa is allowing him to do. He should be happy but what kind of husband is he if he were to rejoice at that ridiculous permission? Besides, he is almost incredulous at what she is suggesting.
‘Do you doubt my love?’ Jaejoong asks sternly.
‘No, I don’t.’ Boa replies with a soft but sure voice.
‘Then why?’
‘I know you love me and I love you, too. But you know you love him more.’
‘That was then, this is now. We’re married now. I can only love you.’
‘Can or would?’
‘You don’t understand. I married you with love in my heart.’
‘For God’s sake! I’m not asking you to get back together with him. I’m not asking you to date him. All I’m asking is that for once in your life, think of what you want for yourself. Stop thinking about what our parents want or what I want.’
Silence.
‘I-I don’t want to disappoint anybody, the least of all, you.’ Jaejoong whispered quietly, almost pained.
Boa strokes his hand and says ‘You’re only hurting me like this.’
‘I don’t understand how I can hurt you by loving you.’ Jaejoong asks her confusedly.
Boa bit her tongue before the words would come tumbling out. She knew the answer to that but she doesn’t want to aggravate her husband any more. She cleared the table as he got ready for bed and she prayed that God gives her strength to deal with her best friend. She knows they love each other but not the way Jaejoong thinks. Perhaps this is what got them into this mess. They declared their love too deeply, too early that when actual love came, it was hard to tell the difference. She sighed and followed her best friend into their room.
/ / / / /
The tension was palpable, the words were unspoken. But their gestures were enough. It should be wrong, this is cheating. But they’re too far into each other to care. Jaejoong’s love, longing and lust; Yunho reciprocated. Yunho was a shameless romantic, Jaejoong loved being indulged. Jaejoong relented against his better judgment and they were high in the little paradise they created for themselves in their hearts.
One day, Jaejoong got a call from his father, saying that he needs to return to Seoul. ‘Your vacation has been extended far too long now.’ He knew he couldn’t postpone it any longer and he came down from his paradise and back to reality. He goes say goodbye to Boa first.
‘See you soon.’
‘Take care, Jae. Come back fast, will you?’
He chuckles but promises nothing.
Then he goes to Yunho next. It was a date in a gondola. Not quite Venice but it had the same romantic feel.
‘Will you be back?’ Yunho asks, hoping for an affirmative.
‘Maybe, I don’t know yet.’ Jaejoong smiles weakly.
‘What if I want you to stay?’ Yunho pouts and Jaejoong chuckles. After a while, he promises ‘I will come back.’
There was a low hum of distant serenades and the stars bathed the night sky in a dim glow.
‘I love you, you know.’
‘I know, I love you too, Yunho.’
‘But?’ Yunho whispers in question and Jaejoong looks at him, takes his hand in his own. Their rings shone and it was the answer to the hanging question.
‘I’ll break it off, so long as you do too.’ Yunho says resolutely. Jaejoong stares at him, incredulous that Yunho was serious.
Their first kiss was underneath the stars, floating in the clouds and it was divine.
/ / / / /
There were far too many Jung-Kim mergers, deals and contracts going on as of late, much to Jaejoong’s chagrin. He and Yunho have been meeting at least thrice a week as they work out details, issues and terms. Thrice a week, Jaejoong finds his resolve weakening, getting more confused as each meeting passes.
It was funny, how neither Boa nor Yunho were putting up a fight and it was all about him. Boa has been getting busy as well, studying how the Jung-Kim contracts might potentially affect the Kim-Kwon relationship. Jaejoong would base the extent of his dealings with Yunho according to limits and terms Boa would dictate and he found it ironically funny; the twist of events and how closely it resembles their personal lives in the past.
Jaejoong found himself drawn to Yunho, more and more each day. While the other man had not slackened his iron will, he let slip enough smiles and Jaejoong is reminded of how he fell for the man the first time around. They maintained a professional relationship for a few weeks. Then it progressed to occasional professional dinners but nothing beyond friendly hugs was exchanged.
Yunho was apprehensive to show disrespect to the marriage despite all the heart break it caused him and Jaejoong was still as indecisive as ever. Jaejoong can barely stifle his whimpers and sighs in reaction to Yunho’s gentle actions. The latter found it endearing and amusing at first but he knew that something was reawakening in Jaejoong and he is not sure if he is ready to deal with it.
One night, Yunho was exceptionally charming, coupled with a moonlight walk and Jaejoong’s challenged libido, the man in denial finally relented. As if sobering up to the inevitable and obvious, Jaejoong presses himself against Yunho after their walk, laying his head on the other’s shoulder.
Yunho stills for a while, as if battling with himself. Then Jaejoong kisses him full of conviction and passion that belie his true emotion. Jaejoong might deny it all he wants but the fervor with which he kisses Yunho was reminiscent of that drawn out romance they shared the year past; sweet, honest and wild.
Jaejoong gives into the temptation. At this point of heightened emotion, he does not know if it’s merely lust or love. Perhaps he is trying to convince himself it is the former, for he was not yet ready to accept the implications of the latter.
Unwilling to betray his wife, or was it best friend?
He pushed the thought of her out of his mind for the moment as he submitted to Yunho’s gentle ministrations. Sensing the other man’s hesitance, Jaejoong detached his lips from the other’s and lightly nipped Yunho’s left ear, hoping to get the message across.
Get it, Yunho did. That small gesture was all the invitation and permission Yunho needed before he let go of all inhibition and control. The intimate bite was a habit from their early days and it was all the conviction he needed that this was not just lust on Jaejoong’s part. He would not dare hope it is love but for that brief moment he felt affection, he was willing to let go.
Taking the lead, Yunho stripped Jaejoong of all worry, question and doubt and guided him into reacquainting themselves with each other’s bodies. He would have preferred if they bridged the gap their time apart caused but he supposes that he only needs to reach out to Jaejoong’s emotions to do so. It was gentle love making under the moonlight on a garden bench.
It wasn’t entirely comfortable but as Yunho trailed kisses all over Jaejoong’s pale, quivering body as he thrust in and out, drawing out delicious moans and breathy sighs from the man beneath him. Hesitant Jaejoong was when unsure but when he gives himself up, he was insatiable and dominant. Two more rounds, with Jaejoong riding Yunho through the night and a drawn out teasing to end the night of their reunion.
For a while, there was nothing but silence, the chilly air causing goosebumps to cover Jaejoong’s skin. They had redressed and were fully clothed now and yet he felt naked, his feelings out in the open. Side by side, they sat, cramped in the short bench. Earlier the small space was more than enough to accommodate their needs but now it was stifling with the tension in the air.
‘Jaejoong…’ Yunho’s deep voice caressed the air and Jaejoong almost keened at how beautiful and foreign his own name sounds from the other man.
‘You are a cruel man. Why are you here?’ Yunho’s next words dampened Jaejoong’s mood and sobered him up.
‘No Yunho, you are the cruel one. You come back into my life after all this time, drive me crazy and-‘
‘-and besmirch your name with infidelity.’ Yunho supplied and Jaejoong felt enraged and ashamed. Before he can defend himself, Yunho continues.
‘And for the record, I did not come back into your life. The world does not revolve around you, Kim Jaejoong. I came back into the life I’m supposed to be living. I was just on a vacation, just like you were back then. Except mine was much longer and yours was cut short.’ Yunho felt that he was not just talking about vacations now. But he doesn’t care. He needs the other man to know his anger and his frustrations.
The words stung Jaejoong deep and he took a deep breath before he said ‘It wasn’t my choice. My life it may be but you know full well they were not my choices.’
‘It was not your choice to come to me and then leave me. But you chose to love me, just as I chose to love you.’
Jaejoong was silent.
‘This must not happen again, Jaejoong. I would not hurt Boa, if anything.’ It stung Jaejoong again and the gravity of what he has done.
What he has consented to.
Or was it what he initiated?
He doesn’t know anymore. He asked himself if he had cavorted out of lust or out of love. Does he love Yunho? He knows for a fact that he used to love him, but is the same love carried over and bore this affair?
He knew the answer but Jaejoong was stubborn and he refused to accept a mistake that would make him less than perfect.
Before he can reply, Yunho said ‘Don’t. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. All I’m asking is for you not to hurt your wife. I still care about her, although it’s been a long time.’ He left ‘and I still care about you, as well’ unsaid. Jaejoong nodded curtly. It angered him that Yunho has mentioned his feelings towards Boa, his wife, thrice that night already but not even a smidgen of a present thought for him.
They parted that night, determined to not let their affair progress yet knowing full well that they’ve already written out their future with that one kiss. For good or for bad, they did not know.
‘Mmmhhh…hah… Yun-I-‘ Jaejoong gasped, breathless and intoxicated in the scent of his own betrayal. Contrary to their parting advice, Yunho found himself pinning Jaejoong down across his office desk almost a week later. The week in between their trysts was full of tension that could have only ended one way.
Yunho tried his best not to encourage Jaejoong’s uninhibited (albeit not on purpose) attention. But two days in, Yunho found himself staring back, letting his eyes travel up and down his former lover’s body, as if trying to refresh his memory. Yunho finds that he can’t blame Jaejoong.
Despite the initial admonishing and deference, he found that he was just as bad as Jaejoong. After all, the flames weren’t put out completely. Weakened and simmered but still alight. The embers were stoked whenever he glimpsed Jaejoong’s fair flawless skin, the amarelle lips and graceful nose that perched on the other man’s face. The shy eyes that would subtly catch a look or two, full of longing and desire.
Awkward fingers diligently tracing lines of text as he read or twirling pens as he listened. Those fingers that hold so much memories of Yunho holding them in his own, fingering a silver band similar to the one currently on Jaejoong’s ring finger.
And that’s what snaps him out of his stupor. Jaejoong chose marriage over love. Jaejoong chose to marry Boa for his family and broke up with Yunho and the bitterness would flood him as he is reminded of their situation.
Still, the angst is overridden by the deep, buried affection and admiration for Jaejoong. Their circumstances may have changed and they may not be riding the same gondola in Milan but Yunho found that Jaejoong was still the man he fell in love with all those months ago; fretful, hardworking, loyal to family and selfish. Yes, selfish.
As much as it saddens Yunho to admit that Jaejoong was selfish, he cannot deny that it was what got them to this point. Selfish, the man only knowing to take and take. Just like the agony and pleasure he is milking out of Yunho right now as he moans in ecstasy, rolling his hips upwards demanding more. And more he gets as Yunho pushes these thoughts away for a moment as he doles out his own feelings into each of his thrusts.
Despite everything, his passion for Jaejoong still burns and he makes sure to give as much as Jaejoong demands. Yunho can only hope that each inch of himself he drives deeper into Jaejoong cracks that jaded veil the other man wears.
‘Yunho-ah, more, please.’ Jaejoong all but begs as he lays sprawled on top of Yunho’s wooden desk, insatiable with lust glazed across his eyes. The primal desire irks Yunho but he finds a way to use the other man’s wanton pleas to make him the better man. To fool himself that he isn’t just giving in to Jaejoong’s wants.
‘Yes, Jaejoong, tell me what you want.’ The shift into an indifferent tone Yunho used sent shivers down Jaejoong’s spine and he whines as he archs his back, vocalizing his need.
‘I want more, Yunho. Please, harder, faster, deeper. Fuck me like I’m your lover.’ Jaejoong gasps out his reply, focused on that one thing, that being his release.
‘As you wish, but pray tell me, Jaejoong, if you are not my lover, what are you? Hm?’ Yunho’s amusement dripped from his words but even in his incoherent state, Jaejoong knew that the question was serious.
Oh so suddenly, the air was cleared a bit, tension settling in.
Jaejoong wanted to answer the question but he realized he doesn’t know it himself.
What was he to Yunho exactly?
Business associate?
Friend?
Ex-lover?
The past tense wouldn’t stand true now that Yunho was currently balls deep buried in him as he moans like a wanton whore.
Whore?
Is that what he is?
A whore for enticing Yunho and jumping into bed with him knowing full well he has a wife waiting at home.
As if reading his mind, Yunho chuckles ‘Yes, Jaejoongie. You are a whore. A selfish. Fucking. Whore. Begging. For. My. Cock. When. You. Don’t. Deserve. It. ’ He punctuated each word with a long stab, withdrawing his cock out excruciatingly slow and then swiftly ramming it back into Jaejoong’s ass. The other man was robbed out of breath and tears formed in his eyes as the reality hit him. The truth he refuses to face.
Betrayal.
Yunho watched as his lover's face fell from ecstasy to hurt. It hurt him as well, to say those words, but they needed to be said.
He was tired.
Tired of indulging Jaejoong when the man is not giving him anything in return. Yunho's heart is being hammered between physical pleasure and emotional assurance. Jaejoong has given up his body but not his heart yet. Yunho was tired of waiting, of hurting, of loving a man who does not seem to love him back.
Even if he did, Jaejoong has yet to say it. Wrenched between guilt towards his good friend Boa, his lover's supposed wife, and his instinct to claim and possess, to cling on to that love he lost, he snarled as he bit not so gently the flawless expanse of skin. Just like the mark, he is merely a flaw in the unmarred façade of Jaejoong, at least until the other man realizes that he is not perfect.
He is not perfect, he is selfish and indecisive but Yunho still loves him. He expresses that through the soft licks he offered to sooth the crack he made.
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