(no subject)
I guess I can be quite a jack-ass. I say, "I love you." but then run off. One of those disgusting guys that everyone hates. The heart breaker, the one that leaves a trail of broken bodies behind. I consider myself to be responsible, but I don't think I am anymore. I don't know how often I have done it, to several guys the same thing and then turn my tail and do something stupid, or wander off. It's a horrible habit, and I know it hurts, but at the same time I don't realize what I'm doing. Why?
I'm selfish.
I keep chasing after what I want. I don't consider what happens when I leave, when I suddenly shut down, and leave that poor guy in the dust. Seriously... that's pretty disgusting. Hah, I want something so bad, yet at the same time I'm only killing my chances. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, I don't know how to fix it. It's so stupid, but I don't know how it should work in any other way. Talk about feeling like a shit head and not even knowing it.
Coming to this realization hurts, but I can only imagine what it means to those behind me. I've been a jerk, I've been stupid, arrogent and selfish. I cry for myself because I can't find someone, and I don't even know the pain that others have felt before me. I've always been the one that breaks it off, I've never been dumped. I know it's one of those feelings and events that people don't want, but maybe I should get that sometime. Find someone that I love so much and want to stay with for the rest of my life and then just get dropped off. I must have done that a half a dozen times. I'm not that loyal dog that I thought I was, prefering to chase after his own tail, never mind the ball that my friends and aquaintences have been throwing at me.
Why am I sulking? Why am I mourning my loneliness? I deserve to be this way, and that's the way it should be. *shakes head* I dunno. I really don't.
I'm selfish.
I keep chasing after what I want. I don't consider what happens when I leave, when I suddenly shut down, and leave that poor guy in the dust. Seriously... that's pretty disgusting. Hah, I want something so bad, yet at the same time I'm only killing my chances. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, I don't know how to fix it. It's so stupid, but I don't know how it should work in any other way. Talk about feeling like a shit head and not even knowing it.
Coming to this realization hurts, but I can only imagine what it means to those behind me. I've been a jerk, I've been stupid, arrogent and selfish. I cry for myself because I can't find someone, and I don't even know the pain that others have felt before me. I've always been the one that breaks it off, I've never been dumped. I know it's one of those feelings and events that people don't want, but maybe I should get that sometime. Find someone that I love so much and want to stay with for the rest of my life and then just get dropped off. I must have done that a half a dozen times. I'm not that loyal dog that I thought I was, prefering to chase after his own tail, never mind the ball that my friends and aquaintences have been throwing at me.
Why am I sulking? Why am I mourning my loneliness? I deserve to be this way, and that's the way it should be. *shakes head* I dunno. I really don't.